No Shame

Twenty-Six

Brit
Can we do Lunch C?
I miss your face!

Is that such a good
idea?

Please! We can drive
separate and I won't
hug you no matter
how badly I want to.

Fine. 1pm at Sugar?

See you there!

Sighing to herself, CiCi climbs off her bed heading for a shower. To be honest she isn't sure she wants to see Brit, having space from her had been good for her therapy and her working on herself. Brit came from a family not much unlike CiCi's, rich dad, no parental control and limitless funds. But unlike CiCi, Brit was a bitch because she chose to be, not because it was a coping mechanism for trauma. She was plain and simply spoiled, and although CiCi was not dumb enough to count herself out of that catagory she had also lived through shit that gave her some perspective on things.

Pulling on some jeans and a random top after her shower, she does her usual makeup and hair, looking put together but feeling anything but as her hands shake. Why is she so afraid and uncomfortable? Brit has been her best friend for like fourteen years...

Exiting her house after a very long conversation with herself about how ridiculous she is acting she guides her BMW out of the gates and down the hill towards the agreed upon restaurant, knowing she will be late, and glad at least that won't be something Brit comments on.

She can see Brit's Jaguar parked in the lot as she pulls in, taking a few deep breaths before securing her mask behind her ears and stepping out.

"CICI!" She's only halfway to the patio when Brit's shrill voice fills her ears, finding the blonde at a table already.

"Hey girl." She smiles, sliding into the seat across diagonally from Brit.

"It has been so fucking long! How is life? What have you been up to? Hood's been at your house! Are you still stringing him alone because you're bored?" The blonde starts talking a mile a minute, CiCi waiting patiently for her to finish as she glances over the menu.

"How's it going today, can I get you ladies some drinks to start with?" She is almost grateful as the waiter arrives.

"Strawberry lemonade." CiCi smiles, letting Brit order as well before actually turning to her friend. "What did you want to know? You asked a shit ton of questions there, B."

"How are you, C?" Brit smiles, trying to act more calm.

"I'm good. I've done a lot of self reflection while I've had the house to myself and it's been good for me." She smiles softly, she can talk to Brit right? She'll be happy that she's found herself.

"Soul searching? What do you mean?"

"I started looking at the person I've been over the last five or six years and deciding if I like the person I am and the reputation I've built. I've been talking with a therapist two times a week about the trauma of my past, how it's affected me and all that. It's been really enlightening and it's been good for me."

"Wait, are you going to tell me you're done partying and going out? I know you had that weird slip up at the party in March, because you were still attached to Hood, but you're CiCi! You get guys to let you film yourself fucking them and then leak it accidentally for the world to see. You thrive on the chaos and havoc it all causes. You are the girl who plastered her own nipples on the internet begging someone to call her out for indecency. That's just who you are, don't change it."

"That's who I was, B, and I don't want to be that person anymore. I hate that I acted so irrationally. I hate that I thrived off the negativity and that I have zero secrets from the world. I hate that if or when I have someone who is mine there is nothing that is just for them. One internet search and you can find my ass, tits, and vagina on full display and I hate that. I don't want to be that person. What if I have kids someday, I don't want them to know their mom as that person." She sighs, smiling at the waiter as her pink drink is placed in front of her.

"Are we ready to order?"

"I want the black bean burrito platter, medium sauce." CiCi nods, waiting an extra minute as Brit decides what she wants and orders.

"This is all his fault isn't it?" Brit looks angry now.

"Who's fault? My dad's? Ya, he let me become a fucked up mess after mom died. It is his fault." CiCi chuckles humorlessly, "But I can't exactly blame him, he has been equally as messed up since she died."

"Oh no, not your dad. I mean Hood. You let Calum get inside and now he is changing you, he is making you into a new CiCi, the girl that fits his life and mold. The girl he wants you to be, instead of staying true to yourself. I cannot believe you have let a boy do this to you, C." She huffs.

"This isn't Calum's doing, Brit. It's mine. He never pushed me to change, but he has supported me in my change and discovery. He has held me and let me cry when I needed to. He hasn't judged me for my past actions or the way I am learning and growing now. He is amazing. He actually cares. He wants to be my friend for me, not for my money, or parties, or gossip articles. He doesn't care about any of that, and in fact he would prefer if none of it was being blasted across the internet. He is sweet, and gentle, and caring. He is—"

"OMG! You're in love with him!" Brit bursts out laughing, "I cannot believe it, he has you in some sort of Stockholm syndrome situation and you think you're in love with him. We will have to change that. No no, we can't have CiCi deciding she isn't herself anymore, we will not let that fly."

"I am more myself than I have been since before my mom died. I want to be someone my mom can be proud of. I want to be someone people don't hate. I only get attention because I'm a mess. I don't want to be the next Paris Hilton... but I am, and I might be worse. I want to change it. I want to be authentic and real. No more shit shows." She sighs, sipping at her drink.

"I think all that time you've been spending alone has made you go a little crazy in the head, C." Brit laughs. "We can fix that though, I know some friends having a low key, small get together. Only about ten people, but they've got some friends staying with them that are hot as fuck. See if one of them can get you out of this funk. The guy at the last party was too much like Hood in appearance and stature. You need a hot bodybuilding blonde surfer or something."

"Brit. No. It's not safe."

"It will be fine. They'll have tests. Plus CiCi would never turn down hot boys, free booze, and a night out."

"You promise they are safe, and it's only a couple people." CiCi sighs, knowing she can't get out of this right now, but already planning excuses for the day of in her head.

"I promise, C. You just need to get out of quarantine for a minute, be yourself again, you'll forget all about this new you shit and be yourself again. I know it."

"Ya..." CiCi sighs, really wishing she had ignored Brit's text this morning.

——————————
Brit really is just the best friend ever isn't she?

What happens at the little party? Or does CiCi manage to get out of it?

Updated early today since I'll be busy all day! Also going to update Wildflower, so go save it and read chapter one if you haven't yet!

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)