No Shame

Twenty-Nine

"How are you feeling today, Lia?" Sandy, her therapist, asks as they sit on their zoom meeting.

"Terrible." She sighs, "My ex best friend started some shit rumors about me and my relationship with Calum and now Calum is pissed off and won't talk to me."

"He didn't let you explain? He immediately believed the rumors?"

"I don't blame him for that, Brit is good, it really did sound believable. It was exactly something I would have done, even just six months ago. It was perfectly crafted to attack him and his trust in me and us." she sighs, hugging his hoodie around her tighter. He may be done with her right now but she will be damned if she lets go so quickly.

"Was there an us for him to lose trust in?"

"I mean, not officially... but it really started to feel like there could be, and I was sort of hoping there would be... I think I fell in love with him."

"You think? Love isn't something you think about, Lia."

"I know. I know I was in love with him. I am in love with him, but he's so angry, and I don't know what to do to change that. I don't know how to get him to understand Brit was wrong. That he and I were real, that my feelings and my changing are real. How do I convince him I'm not who I've been for years. I miss him, it's sucked, it's been three days and I can physically feel the distance between us. I just wish there was a sign I could give him, proof that I am not the old me."

"Is there?"

"Is there what?"

"Is there something you could do? To show him, to show you, to show the world?"

"I don't think so... Nothing has come to mind so far. I'd literally do anything at this point."

"What about your friendship with Brit, you said she was the one who sold the story to ruin Calum and you? Have you cut ties there?"

"She told me we were no longer friends the night before the article came out, and I plan to remind her of it. I don't want to be around anyone like her anymore. I want that toxicity out of my life. I want to turn a new leaf, no matter what happens with Calum, though I hope I can find a way to fix that, I want to be better for myself."

"I admire that, but I also know how hard it has been for you to be comfortable with Calum, and I know he is the one who has been by your side through all of this, and I am willing to help you brainstorm ideas on how to get him back into your life. I think he is good for you, as a friend and an influence, and even as a partner if it gets to that point officially. I don't think losing Calum is the best thing for you, and I hope you can regain that relationship at least until you can build your confidence in yourself and share the new you with those who will accept and love you as you are."

"Got any ideas? Because I am lost on that front." She sighs, snuggling deeper into her bed as she watches Sandy's face change as she thinks about ideas.

***

"Cal, you should probably stop before you literally exhaust yourself to death." Roy calls from the doorway, watching Calum do another workout; his tenth in three days if Roy isn't mistaken.

"I have to. If I don't do something I'll make myself crazy thinking about her." Calum pauses, breathing heavy, his bare chest covered in a sheen of sweat.

"This isn't healthy, Cal. Are you sure she was just playing you? I mean, she wasn't around here a lot, but I could see a change in you, and honestly in her to an extent. Her energy was different around you, I believed in the change you thought you were seeing in her."

"As nice as that is to hear, the article said too much, it was too accurate. It just, it had to be true."

"It had to be true? Or you want it to be true because you are terrified that if you get any more attached to her you won't survive if it ends. Do you actually believe a stupid article over the girl you know or do you want to believe it as an excuse to run? Just a thought." Roy shrugs before turning back into the house, leaving Calum with his thoughts.

Had it been an easy out? Had he overreacted to the article? Had he wanted out before he got more attached? He didn't exactly have a good track record with love... was he subconsciously sabotaging the relationship because he's afraid to commit, afraid he and Lia could never work? Afraid she is a bigger mess than him and they are inevitably doomed for destruction...

It was a believable story, and it was easy to read and just agree with, but was that fair? Was it the truth? Was he brave enough to ask..? He'd missed her, more than he cared to admit while trying to be angry at the storyline, but something about it didn't sit right in his gut. He did think he knew her better than anyone else in the world, more personally than anyone else for sure, and the article was not his Lia, not the girl he fell in love with, and something about that made him hope, or know, it was fabricated. The sheer fact that Brit has so clearly been the informant should have been enough to have hime questioning it... so now, with Roy's words in his head, he is finally admitting to the fact that maybe he needs to reevaluate his initial reaction to the article...

But he still wished she would do something, prove to him it was a lie, so he could be sure before giving his heart over fully to the beautiful girl with the traumatic past. One thing it did prove, he isn't one hundred percent in on the trust end with her, and that is a huge red flag in the idea of pursuing it, no matter how badly his heart hurts right now.

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CiCi is hurt, Calum is confused... Can they fix this? Will he want to actually fix it or will his past and hesitancy with trust ruin it?

Can CiCi do enough to quiet his fears? What can she do? I want your ideas.

Only one more chapter and the epilogue left! What happens!?!?

I had to get a Covid test this morning. I was exposed last week and have mild symptoms. Hoping for the best but with how I was exposed I'll be surprised if I don't have it.

Vote and comment!

I love you guys!!!

~M =)