Regretting You? » HP

✤ 09.Living The Lie ✤

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Sometimes the truth is a secret your keeping from yourself because living a lie is easier.
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SEVERUS

I whimpered as I dragged my feet beside Harry who had my ear in a firm grip. It wasn't painful yet I could feel the displeasure coming off him. As we reached our chambers, he let go of my ear and walked straight to his room without a word. I felt a storm of nervousness and fear rising in my stomach as he calmly shut the door behind him.

"Harry," I called out, softly knocking on his door, which, surprisingly, wasn't locked. I walked in to see him lying down on the bed, his eyes closed as if asleep but the frown on his face told a different story. Guilt seeped into my body as I looked at his still form.

"Harry, I am sorry." I apologized, my voice cracking as an uncomfortable lump rose in my throat.
"Do you need anything?" He questioned, still not opening his eyes.
"Harry," I called softly, fidgeting with my fingers.
"Yes," He responded rather too calmly for me.
"Please, Harry, punish me but don't be like this. Please." I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. He sighed and sat up, walking us out of the room.

"What has gotten into you?" Harry asked, crossing his arms across his chest. "Pranking everyone. This is not you, Severus." The words made me guilty more than ever. I didn't even dare to lift my head, which was hung low due to shame, to look up at his angry eyes. I swallowed the lump that was constantly growing. "Severus, answer me," Harry said sharply.

Not liking the tone in his voice, I flinched back a little. It bought back memories, dark memories that I didn't want to remember. My actions didn't go unnoticed by Harry as he observed me closely. I didn't respond, I knew better than that.

Harry just took a hold of my arm and walked me to the corner. He banished the stool from yesterday. Now that was confusing, what was he about to do? Please don't use your belt. Please.

"Get on your knees and put your hands behind your back." He commanded and I obliged without complaint. I knew all the rules by heart and will make sure to follow them to get as minimal punishment as possible. The floor was cold and unforgiving to my knees. The tears I was trying to hold came back full force, flowing down my cheeks before I could even blink but I tried to keep the sniffling to myself as much as possible not wanting to anger Harry more. I sat there, my head bent low not having the courage to look at the disappointed look on Harry's face, trying to blend into my surroundings as my thoughts were a wild mess.

I tried everything in my power to occlude but nothing seemed to work. Memories after memories flashed in front of my eyes as I tried to stem my tears. I could see Harry beating me and then leaving me saying he was so done with a freak like me and would rather be a father to Pansy's child. The more the thoughts made themselves known the more fear-filled up my belly at the possibility of Harry not wanting to be my guardian after the stunt I pulled. "If dada leaves, he's going to come back," was the next thought that came to my mind and a shiver ran down my spine as it kept repeating again and again inside my head.

"Severus, baby," Harry said softly. "Come, let's get you cleaned up." Harry's voice bought me out of my head. That's when I registered the warmth and wetness between my legs. My eyes widen and without looking up at Harry I cowered more into the corner.

I had another accident. He looks mad. Dada's going to beat me just like he did. I'm sorry. Oh, please, I'm sorry.

Once again, I was pulled out of my musings by Harry's voice as he spoke softly, grabbing my arm. "Let's get you cleaned up." Harry smoothed my hair in an attempt to calm, my hysterically sobbing self, down but it didn't have any effect on me as I stood up on wobbly legs. My knees and legs were hurting like hell and that made me cry even more. Harry waved his wand and cleared up the mess on the floor. He cast a feather-light charm on me before picking me up. I buried my face into his chest, soaking up the warmth as I cried my heart out, fisting his shirt in a firm grip. I felt Harry run his hands through my hair and rub soothing circles on my back, it did calm me down a bit.

I would have fallen asleep in the warm embrace if not for Harry's voice. "Let's get you out of these wet clothes and get you cleaned up." He helped me stand up in front of him and unbuttoned my trousers, bringing them down along with my underwear.

"Severus," Harry posed it more of a question than simply calling for me but what he said next made me gasp. "What are you covering?"

The bubble of fear and nervousness was back in the pit of my stomach as I looked down at Harry who had a sad expression on his face. Please tell me he didn't notice it. Tell me this is all a dream.

Harry had enough experience with glamour charms, and the last thing he wanted was for his Little to go through the same thing. Harry grabbed his wand and silently cast a Finite Incantatem. He didn't know what he to expect when he cast the spell, but what he didn't think was all these bruises that littered his little's thighs and backside.

"Severus," Harry said. "Remove the rest of your clothes." I can't. I can't let him know. I can't lose him. Please help me God, please. I don't want him to know my secret.
He cupped my face speaking in low, soothing volumes "Calm down. You've done nothing wrong. I just want to see the rest of your bruises. I want to help heal them, so you're not in pain anymore."

But I didn't believe him I couldn't. Everyone said the exact words just to trap me and throw me away after they discover what a freak I was. I backed away from him on instinct but he was faster in waving his wand at me, vanishing what was covering the rest of my body. "Severus, who did this to you?" He questioned.

I didn't answer. I wasn't allowed to answer. I can only imagine how dead I would be if I told a single soul what happened behind closed doors.

Harry was so angry with himself that he didn't recognize that Severus was wearing a glamour. What kind of Guardian was he?

My knees gave up under me and I slid to the floor, bringing my knees to my chest, circling my arms around them, burying my face, and crying into my knees. I was exposed, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was over. It was all over.

Harry walked over to me and knelt next to me. "Please, Severus, tell me who did this to you?" He pleaded but I knew the tricks. He will leave me in the mercy of his hands without a single thought after I told him. "It's none of your business," I shouted. I needed to break the bond before it was too late and I was too attached to let go no matter how much it pained my heart to do so.

"Severus, please." He tried to coax me.

"No!" I said, standing up. I waved my hand for my robe, wrapping the cape around my shoulders to cover my naked self. "You are no one to me."
The impact of the statement made Harry step back.
"Sev-" Harry started but was cut off.
"Go away!" I yelled not giving my mind the time to process. "I break the bond."

Magic surged out of me, hitting Harry square in the chest, throwing him out of the chambers. The door slammed closed. I dropped to the floor in a fetal position, my knees to my chest. My thumb in my mouth in an attempt to self-soothe.

The fire flared green. Minerva stepped out of the hearth and saw me change into my toddler form. She rushed over to me. As soon as I saw her, I threw myself at her, wrapping my arms around her neck. She covered the discarded robe around my small form against her as I sobbed into her shoulder.

"Sev, what happened? Where's Harry?" She questioned, looking around for Harry.
"Sev bad," I cried. "Sev shout at dada. Dada leave. Dada, no, come back. Dada no like Sev. He comes to beat Sev. Sev no wants to go back to him. Min, he punishes." I tried to explain between my sobs and hoped that she got most of it.
"Who will punish you, Sev?" Minerva questioned again. "Dada, punished you?"

I shook my head, burying my head in my shoulder.

"Then who Sev?" Minerva asked, rubbing my back, hoping to calm me down. "Who's going to punish you?"

I didn't answer, being too far in my headspace. I was scared; dada was now gone. I didn't want him to come. He always hurt me. He would beat and starve me, but it will happen. Lucius will come back was the only thought that plagued my mind.

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How did Lucius get into the story???