When You Least Expect It - 9-1-1 - Evan "Buck" Buckley

Chapter 17

"Why didn't you tell me?" Buck asked, the pain in his voice evident.

We had now settled on the chairs in the waiting room across the hall. Everyone else had gone to get snacks to get them through the wait while I was in surgery and said they would be back in exactly ten minutes.

"I thought if things went well I would call you after I got out of surgery" I looked at him seriously.

"Did you not stop and think that I would want to be here with you for this? Holding your hand until they took you away from me?" He looked so hurt, I felt terrible.

"I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, now I don't think I was" I breathed out taking his hand in mine.

"You told my sister" he finally said.

"Yeah, I did. She actually was the one who gave me the courage to make the decision to get the surgery" I bit my lip nervously.

"You should have told me, Jenna" he said matter of factly.

"I know, I know that now. And I won't keep anything else from you...which is why I think we need to have a serious talk before I go in there. Before you make the decision if you want to be here if I wake up"

"When you wake up" he corrected me.

"When I wake up"

"You know you can say anything you want to say, we can talk about every topic under the sun but it's not going to stop me from being here when you wake up" he ran a hand along my cheek to rest behind my head running a thumb along my cheek gently.

"I want to marry you, but I can't" I looked down sadly.

"Hey" he pulled my face back up to look at him. "Why not?"

"What if I don't make it?" I swallowed hard.

I didn't realize how difficult it would be to hold back my tears when I said that directly to his face.

"Don't" he started. I could see his jaw clench and his sniffle told me he was as close to crying as I was. "Don't you dare say that"

"It's always a possibility Buck" I tried to reason.

"No, no it's not" he shook his head.

"Yes, it is and if it happens it's going to hurt"

"Hurt?" He cut me off. "It would break my heart, it would break me. It might literally kill me to have to look at my future without you in it"

"Even if I make it through..." I trailed off.

"What would stop you from marrying me then?" He looked at me seriously.

"I might not be able to have children after this is all over" I rubbed his hand with mine.

"So?" He looked at me confused.

"So I won't be able to give you babies and damn it Evan, I want to give you a family. I want that with you, I want everything with you. A house, my belly swollen with your baby growing inside, growing old together...everything."

"I want that too, so incredibly badly bu-"

"See?" I cut him off my tears falling down my face.

"But." He started again slowly. "Let me finish honey. I want it but I don't need it. I only need you. If you can't have a baby, we'll adopt one. There's a lot of babies that need loving parents. If not I don't need babies, I need you. You're the most important thing to me, everything else we can figure out later but fuck, Jenna none of that makes me not want to be with you"