Home (Taehyung x BTS)

4

Hoseok wouldn't stop screaming. 

Tears flooded his face, which was so red that it looked purple. There were nail marks on his thighs, blood dripping between his fingers. His entire body shook so violently, it would seem as if he was having a seizure. 

But he wasn't. He was just having a really horrible day because his medication wasn't working. 

Everything was too much for Hoseok; lights, sounds, touch, smell, taste...there was too much to handle. The traffic outside was making everything so much worse. 

Poor Taehyung could do nothing except sit there and watch the devastating episode run its course. For the six years he's known and loved Hoseok, this was the word episode yet. Normally, the episodes would last a maximum of two hours; this one was nearing hour seven with no signs of stopping anytime soon. 

Taehyung felt so scared and hopeless, but he knew that he would never feel what his older boyfriend was feeling right now. With that thought, he made a cup of water for Hoseok, then found the fluffiest towel. Taehyung never bothered with pajamas, since Hoseok was very picky in that area. 

By the time everything was set up, Hoseok was reduced to sniffles and significantly calmer; he was no longer begging Taehyung to make it stop. 

"Baby, do you wanna take a shower with me?" Taehyung mumbled as he crouched in front of his boyfriend, who no longer had his nails digging into his thighs. 

He nodded once, allowing Taehyung to pull him up off the floor and to the bathroom. 

Hoseok loved to shower with his boyfriend; he enjoyed washing Taehyung's hair and washing away the horrible smell of the younger man's cigarettes. 

They stayed quiet as they showered, only sharing soft smiles every once and a while. When they were all clean, Hoseok gave Taehyung a big hug. The feeling of warm water cascading down their bodies and gentle touches soothed Hoseok's screaming mind. 

Taehyung pressed the older man close to him, moving one hand down to rub Hoseok's butt; he discovered that the older man found this rather therapeutic after episodes. 

Dried, dressed, and prepared for bed, Taehyung pulled out Hoseok's weighted blanket and laid it over him. They shared a goodnight kiss. 

"Love you, Baby. You'll feel better in the morning," he mumbled, patting Hoseok's butt one last time before sliding into bed next to him. 

Hoseok was not one for cuddling, but he didn't object to Taehyung holding his hand while they slept. That was enough for Taehyung. 

-------

"So, it's gotten worse?" 

Taehyung nodded, one hand holding tight to Hoseok's. "They went from once every few months to at least once a week."

Despite Hoseok's protests, they consulted his psychiatrist the next week (after another episode). The psychiatrist cleared her throat and turned her attention to Hoseok. 

"Mr Jung, we can't up the dosage on your medications, since you take anti-depressants, but there are other methods of treatment we can try."

Hoseok's eyes remained on his lap, body tense. "Electro-shock," he deadpanned. 

The psychiatrist nodded. "You've had the procedure done before. You know how it works."

Taehyung felt the grip on his hand tighten; his boyfriend's eyes were beginning to fill with tears. 

"It wasn't fun. I don't want it." 

"Are there any other options?" Taehyung cut in, using that quiet tone that comforted his boyfriend. 

His heart was breaking in his chest, but he hid it away for Hoseok's sake. 

The psychiatrist shrugged. "The cognitive and behavioral therapy obviously works for Mr Jung's autism, not really his depression. This is a very serious case. If he gets any worse, we can admit him to the mental hospital in Busan --"

"No!"

Hoseok whined at Taehyung's outburst; the younger man calmed down immediately. 

"No, he...I can take care of him. Hoseok-hyung doesn't need to be put in a place like that."

The psychiatrist nodded again, a little shaken by her patient's boyfriend and his outbursts. "Then the hospital can issue a mandate for him to go."

At the mention of a lobotomy, Hoseok shook his head. "No! No, no, no! I don't want it!"

He turned to Taehyung, fighting with himself to lock his eyes with his boyfriend's. "Taehyung, please...! Don't make that happen!" 

Hoseok never called him by his full name.

Taehyung's eyes burned with unshed tears, but no matter how he felt, he knew Hoseok would always feel worse. 

He gave a false apologetic smile to the psychiatrist. "I think it's in his best interest to continue his current therapy, and maybe I'll start music therapy with him, too. That's my second occupation." 

With that, they left the office.