S U R R E N D E R

chapter forty six

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"Lisa please calm down," Chaeyoung said and tried to defuse the situation as much as she could while her friend was pacing up and down the kitchen without saying anything. Jisoo on the other side remained silent for now, she didn't want to waste her breath while knowing that Lisa wouldn't listen to her or at least try to understand what was going on. "Calm down?! You guys have been lying for two months straight to my face" Lisa laughed ironically and stopped walking up and down for a moment, her eyes that were full of disappointment falling on both of them now. "She's my friend too Lisa and I love her, I had to keep my promise." Chaeyoung snapped all of a sudden and hit her hand on the marble counter just like Lisa had done previously, her palm turning red and stinging right after that. "I love her too Chaeng and I have the right to know where she is." Lisa snapped back at her friend and started getting more aggressive, her voice raising even more.

"Really? You love her? Then why isn't she here?" Chaeyoung spat out, the words that left her mouth words she meant and she knew that they were going to hurt Lisa. And still, she allowed herself to go there and hurt her. If she did that maybe Lisa would finally snap out of the reality she had locked herself in. "If you love her so much why didn't you choose her Lisa? You think that you're the only one going through a hard time? How do you think she felt?" Chaeyoung now started emotionally attacking her best friend, her spiteful words coming from a place of hurt as well, she had lost her best friend as well after all. "You knew you don't feel shit for Evelyn but you are a fucking chicken that's scared of chasing after what they love." Her friend said and looked straight into Lisa's eyes, tears had started to form in both of their eyes.

"I lost my best friend too you know, you're not the only one missing her."

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Lisa opened her eyes and looked out of the window, the snowy view coming into sight immediately, a heart warming feeling taking over her for just a little bit before she remember why she was there in the first place. She had heard that New York was beautiful at this time of the year but she never really believed it until now that she was sitting with her head turned so she could take in that beautiful view in its entirety. Lisa knew that she was crazy, only a crazy person would book a flight overnight and would fly all the way to New York without knowing where to go and what to look for. In a way she knew what or maybe who she was looking for, Jennie, she just had no idea of knowing where Jennie was. Just at the thought that she may walk outside in Time's Square and see her it made her heart hurt but not because she was feeling sad, but because she missed her so damn much.

Chaeyoung was right. She was right on everything she said and it scared Lisa, it shook her up to the core and she couldn't be more grateful for that. She couldn't wait to see what would their reactions would be if they woke up and found out Lisa was gone. She hated being seen and projected as a coward that doesn't go after what they want and love but it was all that she was seen as by her friends now. Letting Jennie go like that the same time that she knew that she felt so much more for her instead of Evelyn was probably the biggest mistake of her life and she wasn't scared to admitted it anymore. She wasn't embarrassed. She would find her, if she was meant to find her once she was going to find her twice. Everyone makes mistakes, but we learn from them and Lisa definitely got a lesson.
Don't let Jennie go again, that was the moral of this story that Lisa hoped to have a good ending.

"Would you want a refill?" A voice came from her right side, Lisa turning to look at the young girl next to her who was holding a container of coffee that looked steaming hot. "Yeah, that would be nice, thank you" Lisa smiled at her politely and watched as the coffee poured in her cup again, steam coming out of it instantly. Looking up from her cup Lisa could see a faint smile that was used to cover something else, the girl's eyes drowning in a small hint of sadness that radiated from her. "Miss," Lisa couldn't hold herself back, her curiosity but also the care that she had for other human beings being too strong for her to handle. "Yes? Do you need something else?" The young girl was quick to turn around and respond, her eyes still having that same grey vibe that really reminded Lisa of the way that Jennie would look at her the last couple of days before she disappeared from the eye of the earth. "Is everything okay?" Lisa asked and looked the girl in the eyes, the young one smiling and nodding as she walked away, leaving Lisa wondering a whether she was being rude or intrusive. She couldn't help it, that's just who she grew up to be.