S U R R E N D E R

chapter thirty nine

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"You're shaking," Lisa's voice reached her ears one more time as the two of them stood against the railing, Lisa's arms still pretty much wrapped around Jennie's body. "Are you sure you want to stay here?" Lisa spoke up again and slightly pulled back so she could look at Jennie's face again, immediately noticing how the woman's cheeks and the tip of her nose had turned red from the cold. This must have been the worst fall that Seoul had seen the past couple years, Lisa doesn't remember having to wear a coat in October all the previous years. "I told you, I just want to stay alone with you for now," Jennie said, her teeth grinding with each other as she slightly bit down on her tongue to stop the trembling of her mouth as much as she could. "I prefer it when it's the two of us," Jennie added and looked up to meet Lisa's eyes that looked down at her, the smile that curved Lisa's lips feeling like a knife in Jennie's chest.

"I know, me too" Lisa smiled and used her hand to stroke a stand of hair that was falling on Jennie's face, Lisa tucking it behind the woman's ear while Jennie stood there like the idiot she was. "Don't you think it's unfair sometimes?" Jennie asked while snaking her arms around Lisa's waist, her hands clutching onto the warm coat that Lisa was wearing. "The timing," the woman explained when she noticed that Lisa was having trouble understanding what Jennie meant, the words that rolled off of Jennie's tongue instantly causing a thought to pop in Lisa's head. She knew what the woman in front of her was talking about, she wasn't that stupid or oblivious no matter how much she tried avoiding and ignoring some things now and then. Lisa mostly did that to protect her own self but still she seemed to have ended up in the same place.

"Do you remember... On of the first days that this started..." Jennie started off and swallowed down the big lump that appeared in the back of her throat, her chest tightening up as she went down the short memory lane that she had built with Lisa. "I was sleeping, or at least pretending to, and you said that you wish you'd met me years ago" Jennie managed to speak again and her grip on Lisa's coat got even tighter than before, her fingertips turning pale white from how hard she was holding onto the thick fabric. "I remember that but I haven't said it just one time, you've fallen asleep next to me countless times" Lisa answered in the calmest and softest voice that Jennie had ever heard until then, the smile that she had previously painted on her lips still there. Jennie doesn't even remember if she had ever seen Lisa so calm before, this could be one of the most rare moments that Jennie got to witness before leaving.

"Have you? Have you wished that?" Lisa turned the question around now, her eyes looking at Jennie intensely as she anticipated to hear what would come from Jennie this time. Shaking her head, Jennie didn't break the eye contact not even for a second and that's how she was able to see the smile fade from Lisa's lips. "If I met you back then I don't know how I would have treated you. I wouldn't want to go back and meet you because the thought of hurting you is what I'm scared of the most" Jennie admitted and her arms pulled back again so she could try and reach for Lisa's hands this time, her fingers soon intertwining with hers. She could feel her heart hurting but she was feeling happy that she was making sure Lisa didn't get hurt. Jennie would rather hurt the most than to see Lisa wipe off that smile off of her lips, it suited her a lot after all.

"I hate myself for ever believing you don't a give a damn about me," Lisa laughed and tried to hold back the few tears that were gathered in the inner corners of her eyes, her vision soon getting blurry from the amount of tears that were threatening to roll down her cheeks. "Well I don't blame you, I wasn't the nicest person all the time or even half of the time" Jennie joined Lisa as she laughed with her own self too, her hands still holding Lisa's in them as the two of them stood on the bridge above Han River. That's definitely a place Jennie would be thinking about as she would take off in the morning, she will be looking down to see if she can catch a glimpse of that place before she reaches the clouds and never gets to see Seoul again. Looking at her watch, Jennie felt her heart stop immediately. Time was passing by, really quick, so quick that she didn't even notice it while standing there with Lisa holding her.