losing you. || markhyuck

2. l.m.

"I saw you with johnny the other day."

"Okay."

When did he become so...uninterested

"I thought you don't have time for anything?"

"Well seems like I did back then." He just answers with a straight face.

"does that mean it's my fault?"

He just shrugs and walks away. I don't know where, just out of the dorms.

I decide to stop him, to finally get somewhere.

"So I see this doesn't make any sense anymore."

"What?"

No facial expression, which would tell me how he feels whatsoever.

"Our relationship."

"Okay" his face doesn't show any emotion he just glances at the door coldly.

"So...that's it?" I realise how my voice starts to crack and I try to stop myself from tearing up "it doesn't bother you at all, does it? Wow."

Just a sad chuckle, that's all I can do.

Without replying or even making any sound he just pushes me aside and walks out.

Fuck.

I lean myself against the doorframe and rub my temples.

my head hurts... so much.

I'm not really sure where this reaction comes from, normally I am not this dramatic, but now everything breaks out of me.

Hot tears run down my face, I don't even notice how I start to scream and stumble through the room to eventually fall onto the floor until some blurry people appear, pick me up and take me somewhere.

But I somehow can't stop, not now, it hurts too much.

it is like something stabs me and everytime I'm attempting to think about it, someone pushes it further inside.

And then everything goes black.

Finally everything's quiet.

I can feel the pain just slightly, like a small reminder that it is still there.

But now it starts to fade as well.

A smile comes across my lips, or maybe I just imagine it does.

Slowly the sounds come back, the volume of voices increasing, but not as loud to push me out of the darkness, not yet.

Wait is that donghyuck?

Yes I'm pretty sure, I would recognize this voice between thousands.

"Finally you're here. We've been waiting for you. it is mark, he fainted and is lying in his room right now."

"Oh okay."

"Do you want to see him or..."

"no it's fine" he interrupts taeyong and I can hear steps.

Really?

He just leaves me here?

And everything goes black again.

"Damn my head hurts...oh hi Jaehyun"

"god I'm so happy you're awake! " he starts with a relieved face. "We thought we would have to bring you to the hospital. How are you feeling?"

How am I feeling?

I don't really know it either.

"Okay i guess. A little weak though."

"Good to know." He smiles lightly "you want to eat something? Taeil has cooked, bibimbap I guess."

I contemplate for a short moment, but actually food does sound good and maybe I can face donghyuck, making things clear between us, because honestly I dont want anything more than to be with him.

I nod as an answer and he helps me to step out of the bed, leading me towards the kitchen through the hallway where it is already smelling like heaven. All of our members are sitting there and are chatting at the table, but I can't seem to find a glimpse of donghyuck.

while smiling wryly I sit down next to Ten, who starts to ramble about how scared he was and more.

"why isn't donghyuck there?" I whisper and hope to not seem like a crazy possessive boyfriend, well ex boyfriend now, and get really concerned when he tells me that he doesn't know.

Fuck why isn't he there?

Normally he is THE member you would be able to always see when we'd meet for dinner or anything would have to do with food.

Quietly I eat the meal, which is pretty good by the way, and think about how to finally encounter donghyuck.

One opportunity would be practice, but because we divided the choreography into two seperate parts and he's in the other group for practicing, it is unfortunately rather impossible. If he'd try to avoid the dorm, then there would be no possibilities for me to see him, except we accidentally run across each other on the street.

Screw it.

Maybe I just have to wait.

And I do.

Days long, no sign, not even a glimpse of him.

This night I decided to stay awake. I mean he has to come home at any point, so that will be my chance to finally talk to him.

While waiting I'm reading a book at first, then switching to play a computer game and lastly I just lie down with eyes closed and try to not fall asleep.

Suddenly I hear how the door opens.

I'm pretty sure it is donghyuck as taeil went to sleep some hours ago and the others stayed in the dorm as well. I'm trying to tiptoe towards the door as quietly as possible, open it and suddenly we are face to face to each other.

Nobody says a word, I'm pretty sure he has drunken before, because he doesn't avoid my eyes for the first time in a while.

"Donghyuck."

"Markie"

definitely drunk, he usually doesn't like to call me that.

"Where have you been?"

"Dunno. Was there. Then there." He chuckles and my heart beats faster.

I take a step forward, standing just as close as possible and wrapping my arms around him. "I missed you."

Something wet comes across my cheek and I brush it away until I realise, it's not me tearing up. Those are his tears. "Why are you crying? I thought you wanted..." I can't finish the sentence. It's to hard to really say it. "I still love you... you know?"

I can feel him smiling against my shoulder and just know he feels the same. We've known each other for too long, that's one thing he cant hide. "Why did you leave me?"

THE question.

"Can't tell you."

"Why can't you? You can tell me everything."

"No." He starts breathing fast, too fast and I perceive he'll hyperventilate soon, so I step back, hoping he will calm down and it soon gets better.

Eventually I leave the dark hallway, enter my room once again, embarrassed about the fact he nearly had a panic attack because of me.

And I know I have to fight, because I need him and can't let him go. Sure we broke up, but I have to get him back, i just have to.

With this thoughts in my mind i finally sleep restlessly, thinking about the possible ways to get my boyfriend back.