losing you. || markhyuck

1. d.h. x l.m.

I stare at the mirror, like expecting the other me to avoid the hateful glare or move away.

But I don't.

I feel nothing else as complete hatred against this beast, this monster in front of me.

No idea who this is, I'm sure it's not me.

But I don't want to see it again.

I fight against the sudden urge to break this mirror, to banish and exorcise this thing and it works.

"It's not that bad donghyuck."

"It's not that bad?" I nearly spit out the words laughing like a maniac. "It's not that bad? You want to fucking tell me this" I point into the mirror, refusing to see it again "isn't that bad?"

It gets colder and I start to shiver and tremble.

It gets more and more and I can't control it.

"Make it stop!"

Tears dripping down and my eyes get blind for a second.

"Do something!"

I shake more and my legs cave in.

"Please."

It's only a whimper while I lie on the floor now, the cold tiles on my bare skin.

The tears mix up with red liquid and I get this urgent feeling to throw up. Too grossed out of myself.

And everything goes black.

"I will call his doctor now."

"No don't. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want this."

"The fuck I care! He would kill himself if we would let him. Can't you understand? He doesn't want anymore, he fears himself!"

"I know. But not this time please."

"Alright then."

Half asleep I can't difference if this is a dream or reality.

My bones hurt, I can barely move my head.

It's cold and hot at the same time and i could throw up again.

And I'm tired, so tired.

"Oh you're awake! How are you feeling?"

Without wanting to answer this obvious question I look around in the room.

"Where am I?"

"We moved you to johnny. We decided that would be the best, the members become suspicious and johnny can look after you more often."

"I'm not fucking sick! I'm perfectly fine! Just exhausted, but I'll be good in a couple hours."

"Sure." Kun smiles softly, but I can't unsee this anxious twitch in his eyes. "Do you want to eat something to regenerate?"

Actually no, my stomache is turning around at the simple thought of food, but I have to show him how fine I am, so I agree.

I threat down every bite and it gets worse from piece to piece. "I think I'm full for now. Thanks for the delicious meal."

He brushes over my hand. "We have a visit at the hairdresser today."

"Do we?"

"It will get better after this, I promise. Shall we get ready now?"

I dont think so.

But I nod, declining his hand that wants to support me standing up.

He helps me even against my will to put on a hoodie and a sweat and takes out a beanie that I really appreciate.

Outside a small car waits for us and I'm really confused as we enter it. "Johnny what are you doing?"

"I'll drive you obviously as I'm the only one with a car. I'll pick you up later."

I could cry again, both are so thoughtful and caring.

We arrive our destination within a few minutes and without a big conversation, everyone including me seems really tired and beat.

"Wow you look so good now!"

I am genuinely happy, it makes me feel more human like.

"I think we will take this wig, what do you think?"

I nod, can't bring out a word and kun smiles relieved, already talking to the hair lady.

She takes the fake hair of my head and the happiness changes to fear.

The thing is grinning, a fat mean smirk, just satisfied it had taken everything from me.

"Go away!" The monster starts to chuckle, in a crazy way, in a way that makes me lose my mind.

I need to cover my ears because the noise of the laughing increases and I can't bare it anymore.

My nails carve deep into my skin and my body cramps on the chair.

"G-go away. Stop i-it. "

I dont notice how I begin to scream and yell and kun hurries over. "What's the matter hyuck, what's wrong?"

"It destroys me...and it won't stop until..."

I cry and fear sweat is mixing up with teardrops.

"It laughs and will come near. You have to save me! Please! Please" the last please is nearly hearable and I break down once more.

"Who donghyuck, who?" He looks concerned, nearly desperate.

"Cant you see this, this creature?" I point at the thing and it just rolls its eyes at answer.

"But...there is nothing..."

"Are you completely fucking dumb?! Look at it! FUCKING LOOK AT IT!"

kun doesn't answer but it does.

So I do the only thing possible.

I raise my fist and crush it directly into the mirror. It breaks immediately, in million different pieces.

But I can still see the monster in every single one.

Thus I run.

Sprint out of the house right into downtown.

I won't be going home.

And I run further, ignoring the weird glances.

I just need to escape from this thing, even if it means to run far.

I hear voices whispering and shouting and it bothers me, but doesn't hold me back.

Soon I reach a lonely playground and decide to take a break on the swings.

I barely can breath, every moment I feel more and more weak and I get no air.

I swing back and forth and the voices slightly fade.

A blurry male appears and sits down next to me.

We stay there for long, in complete silence and I feel secure, I absconded from the demon.

Then kun breaks the silence "here."

He reaches me a knitted plastic bag in with I suspect the wig. "T-thank you."

"Let's go home." He smiles tired and I'm sorry, again, because I made him run all this way for me.

So I come with him without any complains.