losing you. || markhyuck

2. d.h.

I finally hold it in my hand!

I brush a dust particle of the top of the card and smile. The whole process of getting an own studio went easier and faster than I had expected.

I just had to ask one of the coworkers who gave my request further and after a week I own this room card now. It has always been a dream of mine to write and record songs on my own, but I refused to actually do this, simply because of the lack of time.

And now nothing can hold me back and I can finally try it.

But first I have to head to practice, so I take the elevator to the studios.

It's really a gift of the gods, wed been divided into groups and I'm not in the same as mark, seeing him now would definitely destroy everything.

As I open the door, my glance falls on jaehyun, who listens to music, ten seems not to be there at all.

I really like the choreography to the song we're preparing, its energetic and fun, so I hope the fans will like it. Also is dancing always a good distraction, so I won't think to much about the situation with mark, or maybe I hope so.

Our dance teacher and ten walk in together and we start immediately. Everything goes flawless and the teacher is very pleased with us.

While our break, I notice I forgot some stuff at home, so I seize the free time to go and get it. I take a trail I've recently found, it's a bit farther but the chance to meet mark there is around 0 percent.

In the dorm I pack some clothes, a shower gel and a bag of chips in a bag.

Healthy lifestyle.

Unfortunately I gotta run the last metres, because there isn't much time left and I don't want to be late. After the end of the dance session I want to visit the workout area.

I know it's stupid, but it feels like having a bit control about anything, it feels good to ignore the rules and to do whatever I want.

And that's exactly what happens.

I'm sure johnny would strangle me with his bare hands if he would know, but that's also the thrill so I obviously continue.

I'm considering with which routine I should begin, my daily plan says in the morning I should begin with cardio on the cross trainer to stay at my weight and in the evening I'm free to switch around.

It's really exhausting, especially without much sleep.

I take a cold shower, to get my sweating body to cool down, actually the entertainment showers are pretty good and clean, then I decide to go grocery shopping, getting some food in between.

I just grab some snacks and junk food, also two cokes and a Gatorade.

I buy extra much, to leave some at the producing room, so I dont have to go and buy stuff every day.

Actually I have no idea how any of the devices work and literally have to google every tiny thing which honestly is lowly exhausting

After a while I understand at least the use of the most things and want to start playing around, but a glance at the clock prevences that.

If I want to survive the next days, I should atleast sleep a bit, so I go through the night, though it's not that dark outside due to the neon lights and store signs.

After 15 minutes when arriving at the dorm, I try to tiptoe as quiet as possible to not cause any attention, what goes smoothly as of course, I'm used to it. 

As I lie in my cozy bed I count the hours of sleep I will get, and it's exactly two.

Damn that's not much.

Suddenly I have to think of mark.

He is probably sleeping right now.

I hope he is fine, I was so worried when I heard he fainted, I just wanted to run straight to his bed, but I couldn't.

Currently I'm not even opening his letters either, because it would just hurt to much, to read his cute and heartwarming texts. I'm sure he hates this gross romantic stuff, so he must be really hopeless.

But I can't backtrack now, it's right what I do and I'm sure about it.

But I love him.

Yes that's right, I do, and that's the main reason I broke up.

But he has to stop thinking about me, he deserves better than me, so he must move on.

And I have a plan, I will answer the last letter.

I will tell him I have a new boyfriend.

The best idea to break someone's Hope. 

And I do this as I get the next letter.

Again I'm not reading it, just turning the page and write on the backside.

Stop annoying me! I have a boyfriend.

I sneak it back into his room, like the many times before.

Unfortunately the studio I'm using is occupied today so I have to stay at the dorm, I start playing videogames, because I haven't done that a lot lately, when someone bursts inside. Without checking I already know who it is.

Mark lee in person.

"H-hey."

"Lee what the fuck? I told you I don't want to get back together."

I can't use his name. I can't let my emotions out or him near me.

"You said you-you have a new boyfriend now. Who is it?"

I don't have one.

"I don't see why I should tell you."
I'm really proud I found this good answer

"Because I won't bother you then anymore."

"Really?" Damn that would help me so fucking much!

"Y-yeah" thank god he starts to move on, yes!

"it's...." I have no clue because I obviously dont have one. I think fast about the options, the people I hang out sometimes and he probably knows so it seems convincing. I consider all the friends I have and get to a response. "...kun, yeah it's kun."

That was the most stupid option I could've chosen though.

He would never believe me, I'm sure.

But all of sudden he does something I never would've expected: he just starts to laugh.

Without anything.

Just laughs.

I'm confused, does he go crazy or maniac or something?

Eventually he leaves the room, but I can hear his giggles through the walls for at least a half hour until they finally fade.