My Somewhat Terrible Mother

8/16/2020

12:58 pm:

I honestly thought shit was getting better and I thought things were going back to normal around August 5th or 6th, but guess what: they're not.

I just overheard my mom talking about needing to take my phone away at night again. Cuz remeber I got it taken away and then once I got it back I had "restrictions" that are stupid af? Yeah, that. She thinks taking it at night is gonna help anything. It doesn't. I actually started to put trust in her again, but fucking hell I was wrong. I have too much trust issues and I need to stop giving in at any chance I get of what seems like some sort of healthy relationship that I'm able to trust BECAUSE THERE IS NO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WHEN IT COMES TO MY MOTHER. I'M DONE WITH HER BULLSHIT AND I'VE BEEN DONE FOR WAY TOO LONG.

1:06 pm:

I was actually genuinely happy this past week and a half. I had complete control over the main object in my life that I can control, I have my boyfriend to cheer me up and hang out with, it was going great. Things were going great. I actually had my phone alarm to wake me up instead of relying on Alexa who isn't always accurate with alarms or her volume starts out low for some reason. But I'm a light enough sleeper I wake up to her alarms 80% of the time. But now? I have no clue wtf is gonna happen. I thought I could trust my mom again. Yes I was mad and impulsive and said I could never trust her again and how much I want to cut her out of my life when I move out. But honestly? I was telling the truth. I had just hoped she could prove me wrong so I wouldn't have to cut her off. But now I know I was wrong, and I always will be.

2:22 pm:

    Well they just left 40 minutes ago and I'm glad. Honestly I hope they stay away longer. I love being home alone but I also just don't wanna see them or be near them for a while.

2:35 pm:

    Fuck they're back. Idk wtf they did but I really wish they stayed away for a few more hours. Oh well. This place is a hellhole no matter what.
Holy shit wait what if they just needed one quick thing before they left again?!

10:05 pm:

    I opened up to my mom about my relationship with food (I hate food and would rather starve) and she actually praised me I thought she'd be like "you need therapy" but nah she liked it for some reason lol.

Also, more importantly, I'm 90% sure I'm not getting my phone taken away :)

10:37 pm:

HOLY SHIT I HAVE MY PHONE LMAO