Why Didn't You Fight For Her To Stay?

Chapter 6

He was sitting at a table by himself. No food in front of him. Just staring out the window. He must've not seen me come in. How could he not be bothered by this place. The place we spent every Wednesday, laughing at jokes and talking about cases while waiting for our food. I stood there debating whether or not I should say something to him.

"Hi Spencer."

His head quickly turned to face my direction. He knew my voice, he knew who had just called his name. A blank expression remained on his face as he stared at me. Giving a delayed response, he said:

"Hi y/n"

My name being said in his low-tone voice still gave me butterflies. He sounded tired. really tired. As soon as he gave his response he turned back towards the window.That would've been a clear indication to anyone that he obviously didn't want to talk. A great big "Leave Me Alone". But being how I am,  I decided to go against that silent gesture. I pulled out the chair directly across from him and sat down.

He kept his gaze focused on whatever was outside the window. 

Should I even be sitting here? Probably not. Does he even want to talk to me? Again, but with more emphasis, probably not.

There was no big fight to end our relationship. We weren't the "big fight" type. Neither of us were begging the other to stay, though I wish I did. I felt him drifting from me and I could do nothing to stop it. I felt like I was frozen in time and just had to watch as I began to lose the love of my life. When our point was finally reached, we sat down and talked. I quietly got my things together and we said our goodbyes. That shouldn't have been the end. I wish we stopped each other from letting the other go. Yet here we are.

"So how has your days off been? I've been doing reports for the past two days, not fun."

Spencer looked at me and shrugged.

"They've been fine."

Wow. For someone who has plenty to say, it doesn't appear he has much to say to me. I examined his facial expression when he had said that sentence, 'They've been fine.". He had done that small fake smile where his almost disappear. I know that smile. He's lying, they haven't been fine. I also noticed his eyes. They looked heavy, the bags under his eyes were bigger than usual. This just further proved my earlier thought, he hasn't been sleeping.

"Are you sleeping ok?"

He was completely facing me now, with his arms up on the table and his hands folded the way they are when giving a profile at work. He looked at me funny. Maybe I was staring at him for too long.

"Are you really profiling me? I sleep great, thanks."

"I was just asking, you seem tir-"

"I'm fine."

He kept his eyes on me. I didn't understand why he was so aggravated. was it me? I directed my focus to what he was wearing. he wore an old long-sleeve t-shirt, sweatpants, mismatched socks, and black converse. Other than the socks and the shoes, he wasn't really dressed like himself. He wasn't wearing his watch. I had given him a new watch for his birthday and he wore it every day since. His sleeves were rolled up so that allowed me to see multiple small holes on his left arm.

My heart sank.

Track marks.

Their color was reddish-pink which meant they were recent. I knew I couldn't stare at them for too long or else Spencer would notice, yet I couldn't believe it.

Had I been the cause?

Should I ask him about it?

I shouldn't ignore a thing like that right?

I reached for his arm and ran my fingers over the freshly-made marks.

"Spence are you using again?"

He took his arm away once he felt my hand over the marks. He immediately looked down and said to me, loudly,

"Don't touch me."

The place went silent. Other than the people working, it was just him and I sitting there. I knew those working hadn't heard him but it felt like everything had gone quiet. I stared at him in disbelief of what just happened. I saw him open his mouth, getting ready to say something else.

In a tone so low I could barley hear him, he said:

"And don't call me Spence."

That was it. That was my turn to leave. Now knowing that Spencer was using again and didn't want want to talk to me, it hurt. I just wanted to help, I still love him but if he needed me as a friend I would be there in a heartbeat.

But he didn't need me.

Or want me.

I saw they had put out my takeout order so I got up, grabbed my food, and left.