If I Fell (The Beatles/George Harrison Story)

9: Paul's Reassurance

When I arrived home I sat in silence for an unhealthy amount of time. My brain was over-tired and over-stimulated at the same time. 

What if George found out? I thought to myself, sitting crossed legged on my bed. Oh I know what would happen, he'd kill me, we'd be done. He'd hate John, he'd hate me. I chuckled sarcastically falling face first onto my pillow, letting out a muffled scream into the cushion, which slowly turned to tears. I sat back up wiping away my sticky tears and went back to thinking. I mean, it's not like I 'm going to tell someone, sure it'll be hard but I can do it. 

My mind was fuzzy making it hard for me to concentrate on anything other than recent events. In stressful times I usually shut down, nothing gets to me. I've always hated crying, the way your nose gets stuffy and your face turns beet red, gross. So, I just bottle it up and conceal it, like putting a band-aid over a cut, you know it's there but nobody can see it, just the way I like it.

 I wasn't planning on putting myself in a position where I would have to tell George, as I said before it would ruin his relationship with John and I both, all because of me. John was obviously attracted to me and it was obviously my fault. I was too good to him, lord knows what I did when I was drunk. 

Time passed by quicker than I thought. I set down my romance book onto my nightstand letting out a powerful sigh. My mind still couldn't get off the incident in which occurred just a few hours ago. I was full of misery, I just wanted to go to him, my George, and tell him what happened. Yet, he'd ask me why it happened and I'd have to explain the things that were said earlier today, impossible.

"Oh god help me." I shouted punching my bed. Sure, you could say it was a childish thing to do, but I couldn't stand crying so I turned my sadness into anger.

Buttoning up my beige rain coat I stomped out of my old Liverpool home into the pouring rain. I was heading to nowhere in particular, I just wanted out.

I sloshed through the puddles, filling up my yellow rainboots. My hair clinged to my head as I made my way to the Liverpool dock. When I finally arrived, I threw off my raincoat and sat there, drenching myself in the pouring rain. My knuckles were white from squeezing my jacket as I sat there seething, shivering even so often. If anybody were to see me in this state they wouldn't come close. I appeared more threating than a knife. 

Abruptly, I felt a hand press against my shoulder, I jumped at the sensation but quickly relaxed a bit once I saw it was Paul. Sure, I didn't want to see anybody at this point, but he was the best option.

"Ella, are you alright? You look a little stressed." He questioned furrowing his eyebrows.

"Oh yes I'm absolutely fine, just peachy." I quickly said sarcastically.

"El..." He sighed, his voice trailing off. "What's is wrong love?" He said sitting down beside me.

I followed, letting out an even bigger sigh. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell George." I said firmly.

"Oh umm, alright." He replied. 

"Ok well, umm John you see, he uh, he well- if you really want to know he made a move on me. He grabbed my thigh and whispered into my ear, I know what he wants too, it's what he wants from every girl. Also, what the hell am I supposed to do if George finds out? He'll kill us both!" 

"Oh wow." Paul muttered, his voice trailing off. " I umm, I won't tell George if you don't want me to. John shouldn't have done that."

"Yes I know. I'm sorry I'm acting so stupid about this. Paul, I don't know why I'm so angry about this. I was asking for it y'know, and don't tell me that I wasn't 'cause I obviously was." I chuckled shallowly. 

"What do you mean El?"

"You must already know this but, I wore a pretty revealing dress last night at The Cavern. He obviously liked it, he wouldn't be John if he didn't. I should have known he was going to pull a move like that, I really should have. I wore it for George but of course, Johnny just had to like it too." I professed throwing my hands up in the air. I thought Paul thought I was being dramatic, but it was better than crying about it.

"Ella, he shouldn't have done what he did, it was wrong and stupid on his part, not yours. But you can't change what happened, you can only move forward." He replied, draping my beige jacket over my shoulders. "Why don't we go back home, to my house if you will. You can talk to me about it." 

I smiling softly, feeling the tension being pulled off of my shoulders. "Thank you Paul." I muttered pulling him in for a hug. 

He stood up swiftly and grabbed my hand, pulling me up with him. I relaxed even more as we approached Paul's home. 

Paul and I stayed up until late at night, not only talking about "the incident" but also brushing over many other different topics. He offered for me to stay the night and I accepted gratefully. I couldn't handle walking home alone in the dark, after all I was a young woman.

We slept in his bed together, there was no tension, we only saw each other as friends. Eventually, after many short conversations we both dozed off to sleep. Paul helped me so much through the day, he was the best friend I could ever ask for. He understood my problems and comforted me, something nobody had ever done before. At that moment, not only Paul, but I too felt peace, something that after these next few days I wouldn't feel for a long time.