Idontwannabemeanymore (Jungkook × BTS)

21

Jungkook went out of the dorm at 7am. None of his hyungs saw him in the morning. And none of them was worried. Actually the whole atmosphere in the house seems lighter whenever he is not here. So they all enjoy their first day off by doing whatever they like and chill.

Jungkook gets out of the train station of Busan. It is currently 10 am and he is trying to call a taxi. His level of stress is rising more and more as the young man still hasn't heard from his parents and brother. Something grave must be happening and if it is the case, if any of his loved ones is harmed in anyway, he won't be able to tolerate it. He can suffer all the pain in the world but he can't stand the idea of his family suffering and he'll do everything he can to prevent it from happening.

The young idol eventually finds a taxi that can bring him to his family house. He greets him and gives him the address of his parents' house. After an hour and a half, Jungkook finally sees the house of his parents. He suddenly feels a wave of emotion that makes him want to cry in joy, or cry his pain out to get some comfort, he can't quite tell which one it is. He pays the taxi before being helped out of the car with his wheelchair. After thanking the man, he pushes his way to the front door of the house and presses on the door bell, feeling his heartbeat accelerate for some strange reason. He hears some footsteps then the door is opened, revealing his mom. She looks at him blankly.

"Oh, it's you..." She says absentmindedly se she lets him enter the house.

Jungkook is shocked by the rather cold welcome, this is unusual coming from his mother. Especially considering the fact that they practically never see each other during the year. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat and follows his mom.

"H-hello mommy..." He whispers.

As they enter the living room, Jungkook sees his father and his brother, sat on the sofa and watching TV with an empty stare. The atmosphere in the house is giving goosebumps to Jungkook. What the hell happened ?

"H-hi dad, hyung..?" Jungkook greets confused by the unusual behavior of his family.

"Oh, Jungkook. Hello." His father answers sadly.

"Hey.." Junghyun adds silently.

"Are you okay ? What happened-"

"Grandma is dead." Mrs. Jeon says straight away not being able to contain her emotions anymore.

"W-what ?"

"She was sick, cancer." Mr. Jeon adds.

Jungkook looks at them with horrified eyes.

"Everything happened so fast and she died a week ago." Jungkook's mother starts crying, still way too hurt by the brutal death of her own mother.

"W-why didn't you tell me ?" Jungkook asks.

"Are you kidding me ?" The middle aged woman says as she looks at her son with narrowed eyes. "We tried to reach you all along, when she was dying on her bed asking for you !"

Jungkook frowns. What the fuck is that supposed to mean ?

"And how was I supposed to know about that ?" He gasps.

"Maybe by actually answering your phone, I don't know !" His big brother butts in.

"But I was busy working ! The past weeks were particularly hard and intensive for me ! I had a comeback to prepare !" Jungkook yells back getting frustrated.

"AND DON'T YOU THINK LIFE IS HARD FOR US TOO ? JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE IDOL DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS BUSY AND WORKING FOR FUCK'S SAKE !"

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT !" Jungkook screams in frustration. "WHAT'S UP WITH EVERYONE LATELY ?!"

"WATCH YOUR TONE. YOU'RE BUSY BUT YOU SHOULD STILL HAVE TIME FOR YOUR DAMN FAMILY EVEN SO ! IT'S BEEN A FUCKING YEAR SINCE WE SAW YOU !! WHERE WERE YOU ALL ALONG !? GOING ON VACATION WITH YOUR HYUNGS ! ARE THEY YOUR FAMILY NOW ? HOW DARE YOU COME BACK HERE LIKE EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT- FUCK DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD HALMEONI WAS WHEN SHE REALIZED THAT SHE WOULD NOT GET TO SEE YOU ONE LAST TIME NOR HEAR YOUR VOICE BEFORE DYING ?! SHE SPENT DAYS CRYING !!!" The mom scolds.

"So it's my fault now. Isn't it ?"

"Jungkook... Your mom is just angry, what she is trying to say is-" the father is cut up by his wife once again.

"No ! That's exactly what I was trying to say ! It is your fucking fault !"

"See this is why I'm so fucking done ! Everything is my fault. People are dying in this world, richesses are unequally shared, a lot of people are unhappy, some want to leave this world. All of that is my fault too ! WHY DON'T Y'ALL LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE !? WHY DOES NOBODY TRY TO UNDERSTAND ME ? YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR ME ?!"

"YOU DIDN'T LOSE YOUR FUCKING MOTHER OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT FOR YOU. YOU ARE JUST BEING A SELF-CENTERED BRAT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO FEEL MY PAIN ! You don't know what it feels like to lose you mother Jungkook. Yet you are here sounding like your problems are worse than everybody else's. I hate it !"

"Look what you've become son. This is not the Jungkook I raised. Talking back to his parents, being selfish... We heard the scandal about you. Is fame getting to you Jungkook ? I'm just so damn disappointed ! Bring my real son back, I don't like the one I'm seeing !"

Jungkook looks at his mom blankly. He doesn't know what to say, the last sentence uttered but his mom drained all his words. This is exactly what he feared hearing.

"You're right. I-I'm sorry mom." He ends up saying as he looks down.

Silence.

That's it. He can't stand looking at them in the eyes anymore. All he does is disappoint people and right now he has no strength left to make it up to them. He gave up on himself weeks ago. He is not able to face this harsh world anymore. He feels left alone, abandoned, no one to turn to. He knows very well why. Because he is a piece of shit. He will forever remain a piece of shit. He will die as a piece of shit. He will be remembered as a piece of shit. That's everything there is to know. His self esteem has gone non-existant. The meaning of his life is non-existant too. He stopped telling himself that maybe all of this will come to an end, he stopped hoping. So now, he'll get home, in Seoul and do what he got to do before going for good.

"I-I just came to say hi, I'll get going now. I have some work to do. Bye, I love you..."

With that, he pushes his wheels out of the house with the help of his big brother.

"Hey, don't take what she said too seriously, we're all sad and worn out because of the recent events but... Maybe try to come back in a few days or whenever you can. Maybe she'll be feeling better okay ? See you baby bro."

"See you..." Jungkook smiles painfully before pushing his wheelchair farther from his parents' house.