Idontwannabemeanymore (Jungkook × BTS)

Day Four (Namjoon's point of view)

Today the atmosphere is weird at home. Everyone is quiet and locked in their own rooms. This makes me think that I miss the old times when we would be together, when we would be young and carefree. We were full of dreams, ambitions. We would spend a lot of time together, laugh, do crazy shit and all. But now all of that turned into ashes. The dorm feels empty even though it is not. The atmosphere seems tensed and forced whenever we are together. The others look- they don't look like themselves anymore. Something's off and I feel like I can't do anything about it even as a leader. I feel like the issue is pretty big but I can't tell what it is. And this is frustrating.

I am currently drinking some tea in the balcony. I just felt like taking some air since I was suffocating inside. I don't even know what to do anymore. I sigh.

"Are you alright hyung ?" I hear a sweet voice say.

I flinch and turn around, not expecting to see Jungkook. Lately, he's anywhere but at home. We barely ever see him, it's like he was some sort of ghost, like he doesn't actually live with us anymore. I kind of wonder why but my pride is sort of preventing my mind from wondering more. I shouldn't care. He's been getting way too much attention and I suddenly realize that this is what caused all the drama the group. And just for that reason, the more I look at him the more I feel anger build up in me.

"What do you want ?" I ask dryly.

"Can I talk to you a little bit ? It'll be short..." He asks quietly.

I tear my gaze away from his and look at the view in front of me. Looks like Seoul is gray today. How I love that city.

"You know, as I told several times, you are my role model." He starts saying.

Oh, trying to wring my heartstrings I see. Well that ain't gonna work. He's just a fucking-

"I remember admiring you so much that I immediately wanted to join BigHit when I was given the opportunity."

Hah, well, you shouldn't have.

"And I don't regret it. I got to spend the best years of my life with the best rapper in the world. You may be very perfectionist and particularly hard on yourself but to me, you will always be the closest person to perfection, hyung."

Oh, come on cut the crap now. I wonder what he really wants ? Knowing the character, there is no way Jungkook is complimenting me without any opportunist intention. Since he's become a greedy bitch.

"You know, when I realized that I would be a part of the next cypher I was overjoyed. I wanted to be like you so I worked hard to try to impress you with my part. I wanted to make you proud even though I know that I will never have the quart of your rapping talents." He chuckles.

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. But deep down, a strange feeling is starting to make its way to my heart. I can't tell what it is but it's definitely not agreeable. I ignore it and push it in a corner of my mind.

"You know, you should fight. You shouldn't let anyone make you think less of yourself. Do you want to know why ? Because once you've lost your own value in your own eyes, you've lost everything..."

I stay silent to let his words sink in my mind. Since when has he become so philosophical ? He's strange. We've been ignoring each other for pretty long. He is currently here trying to give me advice.

"You know, you can just say you're sorry and go." I snort.

He looks down. Why does he look so sad all of a sudden ? Oh my Gosh is it me or did he become oversensitive ? I sigh and shake my head before fishing my phone out of my pocket and scroll through it. He stays silent, I still can see him in my peripheral vision. He looks ahead of him, then he looks at me. What is wrong with him ? He's so weird. I want him away from me.

"Look-"

"Hyung." He cuts me off.

I look at him, quite surprised.

"What ?"

"I know it is hard for you as the leader, so I am sorry for disappointing you and making it harder for you. I hate seeing you unhappy. But soon you will be happy. I'm sure of it. So cheer up, you have better days ahead of you." He smile brightly.

What the hell. I mean it's kind of cute but a little odd.

"Okay..? Thank you I guess."

"I know you're doing your best to be a good leader, a good rapper, a good hyung. And you do it perfectly well. Sometimes you just need to let the others help you too. And accept that there are some things that you can't handle nor understand. It doesn't mean your less of a honorable person. And this is why I love you hyung, I love you." He smiles.

My breath is cut short. I look at him now completely lost. My guard is now totally dropped. He gets up and leaves the balcony. He...He loves me ?

"Wait- Jungkook !"

I get up and enter the dorm to see him gone. What is happening to me ? Why do I try to reach for him ? Why do I feel like my heart is breaking for no reason ? He just told me he loved me yet... It sounds like a good bye. Then I realize something...

Oh my God...

I haven't slept last night, that's why I'm overthinking and thinking bullshit. I roll my eyes at my own mind before going in my room to take a well deserved nap. I hope Jungkook comes to his senses and stops acting weird just for attention, as usual.