Idontwannabemeanymore (Jungkook × BTS)

Day Seven (Seokjin's point of view)

Today, I wake up early because for some strange reason I couldn't sleep much last night. I sigh and get up from my bed then proceed to my morning routine. I go to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and jump slightly when I see Jungkook in the living room, standing in front of the glass sliders and looking at the landscape. The sun is beaming through the glass thus illuminating the whole spacious room.

Just like he was feeling that I am watching him, he turns around and his face looks surprised to see me. But the surprise on his face quickly morphs into a sweet smile.

"Oh, hey hyung. Are you making breakfast ?" He asks casually.

I nod awkwardly, not quite used to him being so casual after everything that happened recently.

"Let me help you," he offers as he follows me to the kitchen with his cruches.

I silently agree and let him follow me as I suppress a sigh. Why does he have to act like that ? It freaks me out and makes me feel so weird for some reason. I don't like it. At all.

"S-so...I'll make some fried rice, eggs and soup." I say as he gets the ingredients out.

I reach to help him but he raises his hand. "It's okay, I can do it." He smiles.

I shrug then try to calm down a little bit. He's just my dongsaeng after all, not some monster. So there is no use in being so tensed. I sigh and start cooking with his help, in a very heavy silence. I don't know what to say, this atmosphere honestly makes me want to cry. Please God make it stop soon, I can't stand it-

"So how have you been lately hyung ?" Jungkook asks, trying to make conversation I'm guessing.

He's so relaxed, that's unsettling but I shrug it off and answer him.

"I'm fine... And you ?"

"Well, I'm alive." He laughs breathily.

What a strange answer. I smile slightly then avoid looking at his eyes. Because I can't stand looking at his scary empty eyes. Something is off with him. And I kind of want to know.

"Say Jungkook. Are you sure you're alright ?" I insist.

He cuts vegetables silently, his eyes fixed on the sharp knife. He sure is a perfectionist.

"Of course hyung, why wouldn't I be ? I have every reason to be happy. I got awesome hyungs, a wonderful job, a-and I get a lot of love, s-so yeah ! I feel accomplished." He smiles and dries a single tear on his cheek.

"Jungk-"

"Those onions sure are a hand-full !" He chuckles.

I feel kind of relieved that he wasn't crying. I wouldn't know how to act if he was actually crying. I feel like we aren't close anymore. We're like strangers and well, I'm not comfortable with strangers... We then keep cooking in silence. I decide to make some efforts and talk to him too.

"Uh... How is your knee by the way ?" I ask awkwardly.

I can see that he suppresses a sigh and his expression falls a little bit but he lightly shakes his head then looks at me with a tiny smile

"My ankle is healing slowly, thank you for asking." He says softly.

Shit, it was his ankle... I sigh, I feel like shit. Something ain't right.

"Listen I'm sorry Jungkook, okay ?" I blurt out. "Lately I've been pretty..."

"Tired ?"

"Yeah and-"

"Upset ?"

"Yes, that too but also-"

"Not feeling good enough ?" He completes.

I look at him like he was some sort of alien reading my thoughts.

"Exactly..." I finally say. "How'd you guess ?"

"Your eyes tell." He smiles widely.

I let a shaky sigh out and look down.

"Being an idol really is tiring, all I do is trying to honor people's expectations, be a good hyung for all of you, I feel like all my efforts are not rewarded as they should, you know ?" I confess as he nods furiously in understanding.

"I totally understand." He smiles. "But hold on hyung, soon people will recognize your true value and fully appreciate you. Just you wait."

I look at him with confusion.

"What do you mean, how are you so sure of that ?" I ask him.

"Simply because you are someone amazing, the most handsome human being I've ever seen, inside and out. You deserve so much more than what you are getting and your hard work and efforts will be rewarded soon because it's just how it goes. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise hyung. I love you." He says, sounding sincere.

I look at him in shock, not knowing what to answer. My heart flutters and aches at the same time... What's happening ? He then walks off to the dining room to lay the table. After finishing the dishes, I walk to the dinning room table and notice that it is set for only 6 people. I turn around and see Jungkook opening the front door

"Jungkook, you forgot one plate, aren't you going to eat ?"

"No hyung, I'll just go out today. Enjoy your breakfast !" He smiles before going out.

"O-oh, okay..." I say, not daring to insist.

Something in his expression seemed so firm and determined. I let him have it his own way and leave but when he walks out of that door, I feel my heart break for some fucking unknown reason.

What the fuck is wrong with me ?