Idontwannabemeanymore (Jungkook × BTS)

Day Five (Hoseok's point of view)

Today, I'm bored out of my mind. I simply don't know what to do. Everyone is busy. Seokjin hyung is talking to his family on the phone, Yoongi hyung is locked in his room, Namjoon is reading, Jimin and Taehyung are having a bestfriends date... Jungkook is not here but it's not like I'd actually go to him. I roll my eyes at the thought of the maknae. I don't even know why I'm thinking about him anyways and that's so frustrating. I am so disappointed by him, I never thought he would change that much just because he got a little more fame than us. I mean he shouldn't even have more fame than us we're a whole fucking group for fuck's sake !

I remember he used to be so cute and nice back then. No haughty attitude, no outbursts, no problems. Now he's all about comparison, competition, who's better, who's not- and to be honest I'm so fucking done with it. I feel like leaving and just doing my own thing without people commenting, comparing, judging, hating. I know we are idols and it's a part of the job but fuck, we're humans for crying out loud ! People tend to forget about that way too often.

Anyways, I decide to get ready and leave the house. I don't know where to go but I just want to do something to kill my boredom, I guess. I decide to go to some park near the dorm to take some pictures and post it on Twitter. Just as I'm done taking some selcas, I go for a walk around the park with some music in my ears. I just love this park, the calm atmosphere, the infinite shades of green portrayed by so many types of trees standing proudly, strongly supported by their roots and reaching for the azure sky. Once upon a time we were these trees, standing proudly thanks to all the strong support we got, we rose from the roots to the clouds. But everything came crashing down recently.

I sigh as I look around me. In front of me, I see a bench in front of a large lake. A person is silently sitting in front of the lake, alone. That silhouette is familiar though ; a man, average height, long dark fluffy hair, well-built body.

"Jungkook...?" I call subconsciously.

The silhouette flinches and turns around. It is indeed Jungkook.

"Oh, hi Hobi hyung how are you doing ?" He asks warmly.

Hobi hyung ? I look at him, puzzled. Why is he acting like everything is alright ? Maybe he forgot about the argument we had days ago ? No way, he likes to hold grudges way too much for this. What is he doing that for then ? He must be pulling something fishy. I can't help but doubt, suspect something.

"Fine..." I finally answer.

"Can you sit next to me please ?" He asks with a shaky voice but smiling nonetheless.

Oh Gosh I feel so weird. What the heck ? I gulp and sit next to him hesitantly. He looks hurt by my behavior but I just can't help it. His sudden behavior is creepy. He's been avoiding us for months and now he suddenly wants to socialize and interact with me ? It's totally normal for me to be doubtful.

"Hyung first of all, I'm sorry for hurting you." He says.

I look away, not knowing what to answer. He's right. What he said and his behavior hurt me a lot. He just doesn't realize it. He cares about nothing other than himself anyway so yeah. I sigh and shake my head to tell him to drop it.

"I disappointed you, right ?" He asks sadly.

Oh please drop the act. Oh my Gosh. I resist the urge to roll my eyes at his victim-like speech. What a fucking clown. Why does he keep acting like he is the one who suffers way more than the others every time ? Is he that self-centered ?

"Yes Jungkook, yes I am extremely disappointed in you. You have no idea how hurt not only me but also the others are. You know, we are all struggling, we're all tired, overwhelmed, working hard, we all miss our family, everything is hard on us too ! You can't act like you're the only one in this world !" I scold.

He just looks down.

"I care about you hyung. I care about all of you." He mutters.

"Really ? Really Jungkook ?" I say. "Why are you doing that ?"

"Doing what ?"

"Behaving like that all of a sudden."

He sighs. "I just want to tell you that I am sorry for being selfish and hurting you. I know I did wrong. But what I'm trying to tell you here is your pain is my pain. Watching you suffer hurts me too because I love you. If I am the reason of your suffering, I'll make sure it never happens again, trust me."

This hits different. Why is he so... I don't know. I can't decipher his expression, his intentions, this is just plain horrible. He is unreadable. I suddenly feel like I'm falling down a huge cliff, the air is slowly and softly getting knocked out of my lungs. I look at his eyes, so empty, so ugh... I can't quite tell. But it makes me dizzy, I gotta go. I have to leave this place. Right now. I stand up and close my eyes tightly to get rid of my dizziness.

"I-I'll get going." I say with a shaky voice leaving him alone.

Why do I want to cry ? Scratch that I'm just tired. I'll go to sleep as soon as I get home and forget everything that occurred earlier, yeah sounds like a great idea.