Before Series #1 : Before Midnight

Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Magi-isang linggo na nang makaalis si Sylas at wala ding araw o gabi na hindi niya ko kinakausap sa dahilang gusto niya talagang mag-work yung relationship namin. The fact that I already ended our relationship, it hurts to even try working this out, masasaktan ko lang siya, masasaktan lang namin yung isa't-isa.

"Ano na namang tinutulala mo dyan, Alli?" Tracy asked. We're having lunch right now, ito lang naman yung tanging oras para makapag-usap kami. We're not interns anymore kaya nagkahiwalay na din yung desk namin. Mas malayo na siya sakin this time, kahit si Jace ang layo din ng desk niya sa aming dalawang babae.

"I was just thinking about Sy." I answered. Ano pa bang silbi kung magsisinungaling ako kung alam na din naman na nila ang sagot. Kaya hindi ko alam bakit pa niya 'ko tinatanong.

"And what?"

"I still feel that this won't work and I will just end up hurting him even more. Kung nakita mo lang kung gaano niya talaga sinusubukan, Trace." I said biting my lips and trying not to shed another tear. Hindi na ata talaga ako mauubusan ng luha sa tuwing iisipin ko siya. Hindi namin kasama si Jace ngayon sa kadahilanang may tinatapos siyang deadline na bukas pa naman pero ewan ko dun bakit hindi na lang niya ipagliban muna.

"Do you still love him?" A question that made me look at her.

"Of course, I still love him." I exclaimed. "Why would you even asked that?"

"No reason. But if you do, then try harder. Kung nakikita mong gusto talaga ni Sylas i-work yung relationship niyo, so is you. If you really can't stand a long distance relationship, give yourself a deadline, at pag wala pa din at tingin mo hindi na talaga magwo-work, then talk to him and make him understand." I can never solve my problems if it weren't for this girl. She's there through thick and thin and she never gets tired of my drama life that's why I'm super grateful for her.

Habang naglalakad kami pabalik sa office, iniisip ko lang yung sinabi ni Tracy kanina about sa deadline, paano ko naman gagawin yun? Ugh! I just want to focus on my work today, kaya mo yan, self!

After work, umuwi na din ako agad dahil sa pagod. Napapadalas na kasi yung pago-overtime namin simula ng mag binigay na malaking project at trabaho namin magbigay ng sobrang daming ideas para dun na ipapasa namin sa head sa mangyayareng meeting next week.

"Oh dear, you're home." Bungad ni Mama sakin pagpasok ko. She's in the living room drinking wine so I guess tapos na siya kumain ng dinner.

"Hi, Ma." Bati ko at lapit sa kanya. Humiga ako sa lap niya dahil feeling ko anytime makakatulog na 'ko.

"You look so tired, I heard about the big project you're currently working at. Is it so tiring?" She asked while caressing my hair.

"Kaya ko naman, Ma. Madami lang iniisip kaya parang sobrang pagod ko." Sagot ko ng nakapikit pa din.

"Do you still talk to Sylas?" She suddenly asked that made me open my eyes. Tumayo na din ako sa pagkakahiga sa lap ni Mama.

"Not recently, why? Are you two talking?"

"Hmm? No we're not. I'm just asking you, sweetheart." She said. "I'll go to bed na, magpahinga ka na din, Alli." She kissed me goodnight and went upstairs.

Hindi lang naman si Sylas ang sinabihan ko tungkol sa pros and cons ko sa isang relationship, alam din ni Mama ang tungkol dun at alam niyang hindi ko kaya pumasok sa isang long distance relationship. Umakyat na 'ko sa kwarto at naghilamos lang ako bago matulog.

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Two months, I decided to give myself two months and if I still can't stand a long distance relationship with Sylas, I don't want him to be stuck with a person like me.

"Sure ka na  sa two months?" Tracy asked pero bago pa 'ko makasagot, nagtanong na si Jace.

"Ano meron sa two months?" Wala naman kasi siya kahapon kaya ayan tuloy hindi niya alam ano pinag-uusapan namin ni Tracy. Kaya tinignan ko lang siya and once she gets it, siya na ang nagkwento kay Jace. "What? Kailangan talaga may deadline?"

"See? Sabi sayo oppose yan sa advice ko e." Tracy said and continue her lunch.

Ito din ang isang rason kung bakit hindi ako pwede mag-open ng sabay dito sa dalawang 'to dahil sobrang opposite ng mga advice nila sa akin.

"Wait, so are you saying that you will give yourself two months and if it didn't work out you will end it up with him?" Pagcoconfirm niya na tinanguan ko. "Hindi ba unfair naman yun kay Sylas?"

"Paanong unfair, e simula pa lang sinabi na ni Alli kay Sylas na hindi nga niya kaya yung ldr, siya lang naman nag-suggest na subukan di--"

"And she said yes. All Sylas know is that gusto din ni Alli subukan. Did you even tell him about this, Alli?" Hindi ako agad nakasagot because I was taken a back. I get what Jace is trying to say, alam kong magiging unfair ako kung hindi aware sa desisyon kong 'to si Sylas. "I thought so, for all we know, gustong-gusto ni Sylas mag-work yung relationship ninyo but here you are deciding on your own whether you will end it or work it out." I live my whole college life listening to Tracy's advice but now hearing Jace talk to me like that, ngayon ko lang nakita sa kanya kung gaano siya ka-prangka.

"Okay fine, both of you have points okay. I will talk this out with Sylas." I said wanting t end this conversation. I'm not used to Jace being so serious like this.

After work, naisip ko ng i-message si Sylas asking him kung ano ang ginagawa niya dahil ayoko naman maka-istorbo.

["Hey babe, what's wrong?"] He quickly called me when I messaged him that I have something to tell him.

"About us. I know I said that we will try to work this out but I don't think there's anything to work out anymore, Sy. Ayokong saktan ka and if we just continue this, feeling ko mas masasaktan lang kita, mas pahihirapan lang kita. Because, honestly, I don't want you to hope that this will work out because I really can't stand being away from you like this. I just can't." I said trying not to cry, I don't want him to hear me cry.

["So what are you saying, babe?"]

"Let's end things right, I still want to be your bestfriend but now it's up to you if you can still treat me that way. I don't want us to end up hurting so I'm deciding to let you go." And just like that, my tears started to fall. And my four-year relationship ended.

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