White Wall

22: Possibilities

Possibilities
Juv's POV.

"Oh! Sorry, Master President!" banggit ni Henzo.

Palabas naman talaga ako pero dahil nakasalubong ko si Hallyx ay dali-dali akong bumalik papasok sa room at nabangga ko si Henzo. Siya pa itong nag-sorry kahit ako ang may kasalanan. Iniiwasan ko si Hallyx, I am trying to.

I will put myself far from her baka sa sobrang gusto ko siya ay hindi ko makita 'yong mga mali. Sa sobrang gusto ko siya ay wala akong makitang mali. Gustong-gusto ko siya to the point na hindi ko makita kung ano ba talaga siya.

Mula sa malayo, siguro ay maaring makita ko kung ano siya at hindi sa kung anong sinabi ni mom.

Gusto kong alamin--- gusto ko siyang kilalanin.

"Master President, magkagalit ka'yo ni Hallyx, ano?" tanong niya.

I answered Henzo not directly. Hallyx is my seatmate, I'm honestly mad with what  truths that she's keeping to us. I mean, omission of through is still a lie. Hallyx is my seatmate but now, I decide not to sit beside her. I sat beside Henzo, who just positioned nearer the board. I used my poor eyesight as an excuse.

"Stop it, you keep doing it since Saturday!" bulyaw ko kay Henzo. Lagi niya akong kinukulbit. Noong una, pinagwalang bahala ko na lang, but nakakailang beses na kasi. Nakakaasar.

"Hindi mo ba naintindihan? Sabi ko maging masaya ka kapag kinukulbit kita. Kasi ang mata ni Hallyx ay nasa sa'yo. Tumingin ka kasi. Do you understand mine? I kulbit you because Hallyx is seeing you. Just believe to see it. Yawa, bumalik ka na lang d'on sa upuan mo!"

Ilang beses na niyang nabanggit 'yon, pero sa tuwing tumitingin naman ako kay Hallyx ay nakatingin lang 'to sa malayo o nakatulala lang. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, pinagtritripan ako ni Henzo.

Minsan ako na lang 'yong tumititig kay Hallyx at ang nasa-isip ko lang ay mga bagay nagusto kong sabihin sa kanya katulad ng;

"You are poor, Hallyx and that means you are suffering. My goal is to make sure that you are always okay but in home, you are suffering, that's so wrong. You have a drunkard brother but still, you manage to attend class perfectly, you still have a great grades. You joined pageants, maybe for income. That police pal, is your father... I thought it's your father. Pal means friend. Bakit ka may kaibigan na pulis na hindi mo naman kaano-ano, at madalas kayong magkita? Maliban na nga lang nitong nakaraang buwan. Nagtatawagan pa ka'yo. Isa na lang siguro 'yong leader  ka ng mga batang kalye na nagso-solvent. I don't really have to believe that... that's seems not so you. You can't even resist na dirt in your hands, you don't even want to clean the dirtiest. You always wan't to breathe the perfume of such, I think also mine. Why the hell the stray kids with solvent, hindi ba? It's very  different part of yours, this is not so you. But part of it, I'm glad because you can do it. You survive such life. I'm so proud of you. All I need to do is to prove what is right and what is wrong in this censures of yours, and I think, I will do that from a far."

I focus on my studies. I know my priorities, I don't wanna be boxed up with love.

I sat with my original chair... beside her.

"White wall," banggit niya.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. She seems alright. She's with not so heavy awra.

"Ah," I uttered, "Later?"

"Naalala mo naman eh, bakit ka umiiwas?" she asked.

She's the one who started it, she started ignoring me...Then suddenly, ngayon, when I'm starting to make my own investigation, now, she will keep bugging me to have a normal conversation.