The Truth Honesty

Chapter twelve

Vanisa's POV

I don't know why it hurts. Batin gue. I'm supposed to be happy, right?

Kenapa, sih, kenapa? Kasih gue alasan. Gue perlu alasan kenapa gue kayak gini. Temen gue baru jadian, harusnya gue seneng, kan? Tapi yang ada gue kaget. Oke, kaget itu relatif. Tapi, ini bukan kaget.. seneng. Ada apa dengan Vanisa? Ada apa dengan gue? Gue butuh alasan tapi gue harus tanya siapa?

Cassadey? No way. Dia baru jadian. Andrew apa lagi. Yoga? Seriously, yang ada berantem.

Raffa? Seriously? Gue minta Andrew buat ngestalk dia dan gue harus nanya ke dia? No way. The last conversation we had, it didn't work. I mean like, we fought. Bukan berantem juga, sih. Tapi, ya, gitulah. You know what I mean. Temen gue yang lain? Please, yang paling deket cuma sama Cassadey.

Kakak gue! Iya, kakak gue. Gue tanya dia aja, apa alasan semua ini. Gue beranjak dari kamar gue dan mengetuk pintu kamarnya. "Anne!" teriak gue dan membuka pintu kamarnya.

"What?" katanya sambil memandang layar laptopnya, tanpa menoleh ke arah gue.

"You have to explain to me something." gue berjalan menuju tempat tidurnya.

"What?" katanya tapi nggak juga menoleh ke arah gue, masih sibuk dengan laptopnya.

Gue duduk di ujung tempat tidurnya. "So, um, I have this friend of mine, Cassadey. She, uh, she dated a guy named Andrew. She told me everything last night and, um, I don't know. I'm supposed to be happy, right? But, actually, I'm not. Is this normal? Like, your best friend just dated someone. Oh my God, I don't know how to explain it. It-- it hurts." kata gue.

Anne setengah tertawa setengah mendesah. "You don't even know what that means? Wow, Vanisa, you really don't even know what that means?" katanya kaget dan menoleh sekilas kearah gue sebelum menatap kembali ke layar laptopnya. Anne menggelengkan kepalanya. "It means, my dear, that you in love with him. Gosh, Vanisa, who are you? You're in love with someone else while you are with Yoga? Oh, I get it. It's like he didn't give you some kind of affection because of this long distance relationship thing. Well, you're deceiving yourself, girl."

Gue nggak ngerti. Gue sama sekali nggak ada perasaan apa-apa sama Andrew. Terus kalo nggak ada perasaan apa-apa, then why it hurts? Terus perasaan apa yang gue punya ke Yoga, kalo gitu? Perasaan apa yang gue punya ke Andrew? Ini nggak masuk akal.

Mata gue memanas. What will happen if Cassadey know this? "I know that long distance relationship sucks. And I know that me and Yoga rarely meet. I know Andrew liked her since he told me that wanted to know her further. I know Cassadey liked him back. I know. But, I don't know that it hurts so bad." gue mulai menangis.

Anne menoleh ke arah gue kemudian menghampiri gue dan duduk disebelah gue. "Why are you acting so weak, you foolish girl? Remember what John Green's said in this one book, "You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world.*)"?" Anne menatap gue dengan alis mata terangkat.

Ya, gue tau quote itu. "So, what am I going to do?" gue menghapus bekaa air mata di pipi gue.

"Fix everything's up." jawab Anne. "And do the right thing to do."

***

Do the right thing to do, batin gue seperti mengulang-ulang kalimat Anne di pikiran gue.

The right thing to do, batin gue lagi. What's the right thing to do?

Gue harus apa? Cara apa yang benar buat dilakuin? Putus sama Yoga, bilang ke Cassadey kalo gue suka sama cowoknya, dan mengakui perasaan gue ke Andrew? I mean like, really? Not going to take a chance of any of that.