North American Vampire Council & Past Calling (Hypernaturals 12 & 13)

Scotch and Penance

Turnabout is fair play, I suppose. I have found Morgan out here, on the upper porch behind the medical clinic, when she wanted space to think. This is the thinking spot. It has chairs, isolation from the rest of the campus with trees in the foreground, and the ancient sky above unspoiled by the lights of the city or even the house or new pool house. The closest building being Vera and Angels garage apartment, and that is over on the other side and invisible from here.

Right now and to fit my mood, there is also a bottle of Scotch, my glass, and me.

After dinner, kids in bed, I snuck away to here. That is silly because there is no sneaking in my house. Not when Jessica, Morgan, and Denise all have me in their sight. All three of those women know me and know I am unhappy about what Helen did to me. Helen does too, sort of, but she is too deep in her own happiness at her cleverness to pay me any mind. For Helen, whatever my problem is, I'll get over it.

Maybe I even will, but I am not feeling it right now. I know Helen. She thinks I am mad about the shocking move. She does not understand that, while I am, I am far more deeply angry with her.

Yell at me, scream at me, leave me in the rain at a bar: Do not manipulate me. Do not put me on her life path when I have plans of my own.

Rachel seems a little more clued in than Helen. I do not know if she'll explain it to her or not. Rachel had to be in on this. She had to agree to it. She may even think this is a good idea. What she did not do, I am sure, is manipulate the rest of the Council into it. If asked, she said 'yes'. If asked in detail, she explained.

No: Helen is the conniver.

In my head, I keep wanting to use the word 'bitch'. I do not like calling women that. Men use words like that: Bitch, slut, whore, etc, to put women down. Never understood it. If a woman is interested in sex with you, she is not a slut or a whore, she is an evolved-to-love-sex human type of animal, like me. Why make sexual interest that we both have into a shame word for them, but not for me? There are no words like that I can think of for men. We are every bit as interested: hell: I am not a woman, so maybe we are worse? According to science, we think about sex a great deal more. According to Vampiredom, male sex drive as amplified by the turn was the core issue and got men killed for thousands and thousands of years.

At the same time, Helen did this to me, and I want to call her 'bitch'. It is because I am angry, and so far it is just in my head, but I have to be careful to never say it out loud, and never ever under any circumstance in front of my little girls.

Being on Council is an utter shitshow. A hellscape brought to life. That is nothing compared to me doing that and having my girls know I have that word in my head. I am working hard to label Helen 'Manipulator' and 'Schemer' and 'Political hack' and excise any derogatory suffixes. Those are the right words. That is what she is and did to me.

Lurking in the background and being held there by sheer force of will are 'Former lover' and 'ex-wife'. Those phrases need time.

To be a lover and a wife requires trust, and Helen just flamed the shit out of that. It remains to be seen how we move forward from here. If she stays in her joyful, I am oh-so-clever place, then they will have to move to the front. I will give them no consideration in the heat of this moment.

Three women walked up to where I am sitting, arranged themselves around me, and started passing Scotch around. They had a bottle too, and they know this is not a celebration of my Councilhood. They also brought an ice bucket. Smart.

We sat in silence and looked out at the trees for a while. I inhaled their lovely scents and was comforted. As hellacious as this is, at least these three 'get' me. They are up here in support. Even the woman I sort of screwed over. Need to fix that.