North American Vampire Council & Past Calling (Hypernaturals 12 & 13)

Not That Generous

I heard Morgan come up the stairs to where I am sitting on a well-padded rocker, feet up on the railing.

"I thought I would find you here." Morgan said as she sat down. She reached to the floor, pulled up the bottle of Scotch, and poured herself a few fingers. Her glass has an enormous cube in it. She more than thought I would be here, she thought I would be drinking Scotch and have the bottle.

So Morgan.

She settled in, her feet up on the railing too.

Morgan sipped. We looked off into the trees. It is not a clear night, so there are no stars to see. That's fine. I am not here to stargaze. I am here to stew.

I refilled my glass.

"Anne said you would be unhappy. Angel did too." Morgan said. "Your team knows you well. Not as I know you, but well. Angel might be getting close. Lover, Astral, and all."

"I felt good for a while. Angel. She took my mind off him. Since then: not so much. He did not go away. I only did not think about him for a while. I have tried really hard not to. I have tried to rise above it. Be the grown-up. Morgan? I hate him." I said.

"I know. I do too. Neither you nor I are people prone to hate. Yet: here we are." Morgan agreed.

"I have tried to be the bigger person here. Tried to walk away. Let Alexander be other people's problem. Ignore the jerk. Not let him into my head, or worse, into Jessica's, with this never-ending obsession. I try to be satisfied that I got to beat his ass to the ground. That we scare the shit out of him via Denise and force him to contribute pheromones our way rather than his preferred method. Today, hearing how we have failed to impress upon him the need to keep his own babies out of the gene pool for a while, it all came rushing back. Knowing who he went after this time: a poor human that superficially resembles Jessica. Then like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or something, it made me remember Alexander fucking Jessica, being a smarmy bastard about it. Jessica hating it." I said, sounding as miserable as I felt.

"I know, my husband. I was there. I have felt like this before. Watching you, up on the cross. Knowing what they did to you. Sitting on that pew, helpless. Feeling helpless again, knowing I should have told Jessica to stop it. I should have been a demanding, bitchy spouse. No. I was all grown up and mature and I let her learn her lesson, and I watched that, and worse I watched you watch that. It hurts."

I sipped. "Do you think it will ever stop hurting?"

"Absolutely. When you are holding Laura, or me, or something or someone that takes your mind away from the images of it. I think for the next ten thousand years when you think of Alexander hurting her in that way, it is going to hurt you. It will me." Morgan said.

The funny thing is that Morgan is being literal when she says ten thousand years.

"We can't let Jessica know exactly how bad this sometimes still affects us. How long term it is for us. She is the one we need to focus on because really? It is her pain and humiliation that is the core of how we feel. That fucker is the cause, but she is our heart." I said.

"We can't stop that either." Morgan replied. "It did hurt, and she did it, and the only thing that stops our ever impulsive love from doing really impulsive dumb shit like that again is knowing the price it has for us. It is not about her hurting herself, it is about how her hurting herself hurts us."

"Fuck." I said to that.

"I know." Morgan sighed. "I still scent Angel on you. She was glad you had that moment with her."

"I needed a hug after that." I said.

"Pretty deep hug." Morgan said with the smallest amount of humor imaginable. "You needed love. Angel responded. How she is."