𝐞𝐮𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚

6. tootimetootimetootime

matty

the euphoria i felt had lasted for less than an hour, and then i woke up with the same old feeling of reality.

i have a thought in the back of my mind telling me i need to stop and i won't go anywhere in life with the substance. if anything, it was pulling me back from doing anything in life. but those were the thoughts i didn't listen to. the ones i do listen to are telling me i need this and this is good for me.

i do feel guilty hiding buying drugs from everyone, especially val who i know actually cares about me and wants me to stay clean. but i cannot help it.

it's when i'm at a bar near my flat where i come to the realization that maybe this addiction is permanent.

it truly helps me to forget about things for a minute and distracts my brain from terrible news.

the less i know the better is playing and i'm watching people as they dance with their friends and loved ones.

i check my phone and there is still no calls or messages from gabby. i sigh and press on her contact again and hold the phone to my ear, hearing the ringing that i have heard many times now.

i didn't even call her that many times. maybe only one time. maybe it was two times. i don't think it was three times and it couldn't have been four times. no matter how many times i called her, she was not answering.

i decide to call one last time and if she does not pick up, i know that i have to accept the fact that she is done with me.

but to my surprise, i hear her voice.

"what is it, matthew?" she finally answers.

"fuck," i say and rub the side of my face with my hand. "i miss you so much."

"matthew," she begins. "you know i can't."

"then what the fuck was last night?" i raise my voice a little.

"coming over was a mistake." she says and i feel my heart drop. "i just needed closure."

"what the fuck are you talking about?"

"please, just leave me alone for now." she says and hangs up. i slam my phone on the bar counter and grab my hair.

coming over was a mistake. the words keep replaying in my mind over and over again. last night keeps replying in my mind over and over again.

"i just wanted to see if you're alright." she says. she walks in and sits on the couch. "i'm going back home tomorrow."

i sit beside her and look at her. "why?"

"i have to see my family eventually, matthew." she says. "i spent so much time here with you that i haven't seen them in months."

i nod my head acting like i wasn't hurt by what she said. it felt like she was saying she wasted her time with me.

"okay, so you came to tell me that you're leaving. what do you want me to do? beg for you to stay?" i raise my voice a little.