𝐞𝐮𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚

14. me

val

it's been more than a month so far. i've already painted my babys room white because i wanted the decorations to be as colourful as possible.

i had a certain imagine for what i wanted the room to look like and i told matty to come over whenever he could so we could buy things, such as a crib and drawers and anything else that was needed.

i hear the doorbell ring not once, but twice. i go to the door and open it to see matty standing there with a lazy smile on his face. he was leaning against the wall as if he couldn't stand properly which slightly worried me, but it was matty so who knows.

"hi, my love." he says and throws himself on me. i stumble back a little and am taken a back until i realize he's only hugging me. he doesn't smell like shit anymore, just weed.

i roll my eyes and grab his shoulders to get him off of me. "you're high."

"you're beautiful." he says but i've already walked away.

"matty, i don't know how i can take you seriously if you come here high all the time." i tell him. "maybe you should just go home and i'll buy everything myself."

"no, please. i want to be involved as much as i can." he says and grabs my face gently so that i'm looking at him. "i promise you i love this baby."

"it's hard to believe that when you come to my house smelling like weed." i push him away and grab my purse.

"i gave you something you can never give back, don't you mind?"

i turn around and look at him. i should be used to the songlike words that come out of his mouth by now, but i'm not. i imagine he is talking about our child but why is he saying that out of the blue anyways? i'm not sure if he says this because he is high but it still confuses the fuck out of me.

"yes, you did, matty. the least you can do is be sober for the sake of our child." i roll my eyes.

"val, just give me twenty minutes and i'll go with you. i'll even act sober."

i sit on the couch and ignore him.

"for the sake of our child." he adds and i roll my eyes again.

"i don't want you to act it, i want you to be it." i mutter and i hope he didn't hear it.

twenty minutes is exactly how long it takes for him to sober up a little, or at least act like he is, i really can't tell at this point.

we go to a couple furniture stores until we find a white crib, a small chair, and a big drawer for the room. i planned on buying decorations another day when i was by myself and in a better mood.

we're on our way home when matty asks something.

"are you going to leave me if i'm a bad father?"

i look at him but he's driving so he doesn't look at me when asking.

"matty, why would you even say that?" i mumble.

"i'm trying my best, you know." he says quietly and i instantly feel bad for snapping at him when he came over high.

"i know, love." i say and put my hand on his thigh as an attempt to calm him down. "this is something new for both of us so it's going to take time to adjust to it."

he nods his head but still doesn't look at me.

when we arrive home, he helps bring the boxes of furniture in the house and we decide to set it up another day. we had 8 months left until we actually needed it anyways.

we sit on the couch, both of us exhausted, and decide to order food instead of making it.

we watch a movie until we hear the doorbell ring and matty gets up to open the door. while he does so, i see a notification on mattys phone and i stare at it for a while because i don't know if i'm seeing correctly.

i grab the phone and unlock it and i am disgusted. i don't read any of the messages because my attention is focused on the inappropriate pictures gabby sent him.

he comes back with the boxes of pizza and sets them on the table. he sees me holding his phone but doesn't say anything. i have a feeling he knows.

"what the fuck is this?" i get up to face him, even though i'm shorter than him, and raise my voice at him. i show him the pictures she sent and he looks at me.

"i swear, val, i never asked her to send those, let alone message me." he says and i roll my eyes.

"look at the fucking messages, matthew. you were fucking messaging her!" i yell. "you know what, this whole thing was a mistake. the whole fucking thing."

i throw his phone on the couch out of anger and go to my room, matty following me while trying to convince me he was telling her to leave him alone. i don't believe him.

i'm in my room and before i slam the door shut, he puts his foot in between and tries his best to keep the door open.

"fuck, valentina, just let me explain." he raises his voice now which makes me angry because why is he pissed off?

the door is now open and we're standing in front of each other. he doesn't say anything, just stares at me. this is a waste of my fucking time.

i'm about to speak when he wraps his arms around me, careful to not hurt my stomach. i don't know what to do so i just cry. i cry into his arms and he's letting me and now we're laying on the floor.

"will you give me a chance to explain?" he finally says after 10 minutes of calming me down.

i nod my head and he gets up, i'm assuming to grab his phone and show me the messages. i prepare myself for disappointment.

he comes back and sits next to me, wrapping his left arm around me and holding his phone in his other hand.

"just relax, yeah?" he says and i think he says it because he can hear how fast my heart is beating.

he shows me the messages and although i see the proof that he did tell her to leave him alone, as he is scrolling down i see them having proper conversations and i'm not sure if that's a reason for me to be mad.

"what were you guys talking about?" i mumble.

"she randomly messaged me and i told her to leave me alone. she told me she still loved me and i said i love somebody else and it's too late." he explains but i'm only thinking of one thing he says. "then she started talking about her family and i only talked to her because she's had a tough time with her family and i didn't want to be an arse and not say anything. i'm not sure where the nudes came from, just please understand."

i hate to admit it that i did understand but i'm still thinking of the one thing he says that stands out of the rest of the things he said.

"you love somebody else?" i ask quietly. he doesn't say anything but is looking down and smiling. "me?"

he finally looks at me. "i love you, don't you mind?"

i don't know how to respond to that. do i love him? i'm not sure. this all takes me back to when george told me he might be feeling like this because he needs affection from a woman. maybe he's only saying this because he is confused with love and lust. but regardless, i say it.

"i love you."