𝐞𝐮𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚

16. nana

val

the past week, i have not ate as much food as i usually do. i don't leave the house anymore, let alone my room, and neither does matty. all i do is cry and scream and he holds me and lets me do so. i rarely speak to him and the same goes for him.

it's morning and i would expect matty to be beside me in bed but he's not. i don't have the energy to get up so i stay in bed for a couple minutes before i hear glass shattering from another room. it takes me a while to get up but i finally do and once i open the door, i see matty in the kitchen kneeling down on the ground. there are pieces of glass on the ground and i walk up to him and kneel down in front of him, careful not to step on the pieces of glass.

"matty, what happened?" i ask quietly.

his hands are covering his face and i think he might be crying. i gently grab his hands and pull them away from his face. his face is wet from his tears and it makes me want to cry just looking at him.

"i dropped the glass cup on the floor." he says quietly. "by accident."

"it's okay. i'll clean it up." i assure him.

"i'm sorry, val." he says while wiping his tears.

"matty, it's okay." i try to smile at him but it feels like too much effort.

"no." he says. "i'm bereft. i think you can tell i haven't been doing too well."

i stay quiet and instead walk him to the living room for him to sit down, and kiss the top of his head before i clean up the mess in the kitchen in silence. i think he's used to me not speaking to him as much as i used to.

after i throw the pieces of shattered glass in the garbage, i go back to my room and as i'm walking, i see matty staring at the television even though it is not on. i close the door to my room and lay down under the covers again, staring at the ceiling. i think we're going insane.

i don't know how long i've been staring at my wall but i felt i was about to drift off to sleep until i hear the creak of the door. matty walks in and sits on the bed next to me. we don't say anything for what feels like hours though it's probably been a few minutes.

i feel him stroke my hair and i can already feel the tears coming just from his touch.

"valentina, talk to me, please." he begs. "i just want us to communicate."

i stay silent and try my best to keep my tears in but i fail. i hear his voice again.

"last night, when you were sleeping," he continues and i listen. "i sat with you beside your bed and cried, for things i'd wish i said."

i hear him sigh when i don't respond to him.

"please, say something. anything." he pleads.

i turn around. "i'm just sad."

the next days or no better. it's scary to think this is all becoming normal. i feel like i can't speak to him and i know he wants me to, even though i know we went through this together. i keep pushing him away.

the lack of communication only made us grow more distant from each other. it's the same thing everyday, him begging me to talk to him, me staying silent, him giving up. it's all fucking different.

some days, like today, i think it's all my fault. no, i know it's my fault. i'm the one who pushes him away and doesn't speak to him. i want him to know that i want to forget any of this happened and just move on from it, but i see his face and forget how to speak.

these thoughts cause headaches, chest pains, and trouble of breathing. of course i don't want matty knowing so when he isn't home, god knows where he is, i walk to the doctors office.

i'm sitting in the waiting room for a couple minutes and she calls me in after what feels like forever. i sit down on the chair when we reach the room and she asks me questions. i don't use words to speak, instead i shake my head yes or no.

she tells me these are the side effects of suffering a miscarriage and i should only take medicine when i'm experiencing the side effects. i take in everything she says just so i can leave. i only came because i wanted to know if it was common or not.

once i'm home, i open the door and i smell food. i go to the kitchen and see unopened boxes of pizza and matty sitting on the couch in the living room, doing whatever on his phone.

"where did you go?" he asks and gets up once he sees me.

"doctors." i mumble.

"are you fine?"

i nod my head and look towards the boxes of pizza.

"i got us these in case you were hungry." he says and i look at him. "i haven't seen you eating a lot these past days."

i nod my head to agree with him. i wasn't that hungry but one slice wouldn't kill me.

we sit at the living room, pretending to watch a shitty show while eating and we don't speak. it kills me to watch us drifting apart and turn into strangers.

tonight was the first night i slept alone. i guess the lack of communication caused him to sleep on the couch. it didn't matter, anyways. it's not like his arms were around me and my head was on his chest like it used to be. everything is slowly changing, and it's fucking hurting me.

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a/n: thank you for 100 reads! it may not seem like a lot to others but it is for me and i hope whoever is reading is enjoying. i've had the last chapters planned out, though i've been writing the past chapters without planning what would happen, and the story is going to get dark and sad for the last chapters so if you don't like that, please don't read. again, thank you to everyone who is reading this story, it honestly makes me happy