Just Too Sick To Function

28

Emma's POV

Tumakbo ako nang makarating kami sa hospital

The cafeteria has a few people, the halls are still dim

Dumiretso ako sa elevator without waiting for mom and Clent

Nang makarating ako sa 3rd floor, nakita ko si Rosa sa nurse counter, tumingin siya sakin, at lumapit pero tumakbo ako patungo sa room ni Meryl

"Emma..", she chased me, "Emma wait!", she said

Pero hindi ako umimik, tumakbo lang ako

Outside of the room was chaotic, it's her relatives, silently crying with nurses also grieving

This is not good

I slowly walked towards the door

Nangangaba ako, nangininig at nag-ooverthink

I don't know if what I'm thinking is right or not

And it's making me confused, it's giving me anxieties so tears fell, tears ran down my face

"Emma, please", I looked at Rosa who is behind me

I shook my head no as I reached infront of Meryl's door

And slowly tilt my head to see what's happening inside her room

At nakita ko siya, si Meryl, just lying there peacefully

I didn't mind the doctors, I didn't mind the visitors, I didn't even mind her mother

Rosa tried to stop me pero nagpupumilit ako

I just heard her mother crying and crying

"Meryl", nanginginig ang boses ko at ang mga kamay ko

When I touched her hands, she's cold

"Meryl", I shouted her name as I cried out loud, "no, no, pleasee!", I said as I hugged her

"Meryl!!! Gumising ka!!", I shouted, "Meryl e", I can't calm myself

"Meryl, please! Please!", yan lang ang masasabi ko

I am out of words, I can't say anything

Clent hugged me, I guess he thought it could somehow calm me down

But it didn't, it didn't ease the pain
-----------------------

I am in my room right now, it's a rainy morning.

I am alone, I want to be alone

Umuwi muna si Clent sa bahay nila.

Si Marcus naman, ang tagal niyang dumating kanina, kaya hindi ko pa siya nakaka-usap

I don't wanna do anything nor do I want to see anyone

I didn't went wild, I didn't destroy, just weak.

Too weak to do it

She's gone, she's really gone

And I didn't even got to say goodbye, I didn't even got to see her one last time, I didn't even got to hear her voice for the last time

I knew...

I knew I should've visited her when she insisted that I shouldn't

I knew she did that because she doesn't want to stress me out but I didn't even do anything just to be by her side