Rules for Being a Background Friend: A Comprehensive Guide

Rule Number Nine: Alcohol. Lots or None. Choose Wisely.

Alcohol. It can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. As a background friend, it could be the social lubricant that pulls things together for you, or it could send you into a spiral from which there is no return. Be prepared to walk that line.

The phrase in vino veritas has a certain amount of accuracy. While it's not perfect, it will reveal depths to people - including you - moreso than most levels of sobriety. If you are not yet well-versed in alcohol and its effects on you (or other people), it's a good idea to spend some time observing before diving in head first.

I'll be the first to admit that it sucks to be the only sober person at a party. But, if your tolerance is low, or if you don't drink much, it's a good idea to establish your own limits before really imbibing much. Experiment, so you know the right amount to consume. Not that drunken disasters don't make for great gossip - you could go that route, if you wanted - but drunken friends tend to fall by the wayside rather quickly. Too many episodes of being "the drunk one" and you may find yourself locked out of your given social group for good.

That's why it helps to know first - are you a funny drunk? A social drunk? A depressed drunk? How many drinks can you have before you get sloppy?

Another thing to know: what happens to your friends when they get drunk? Each person is likely to be different, but you will always notice that the general tone of a party changes a few drinks in. Things get looser. In many cases, people get friendlier.

"A few drinks in" is actually the ideal time to try to connect with people. With inhibitions loosened, you'll find more people - even lead and supporting roles - are more willing to talk, and listen, and form some kind of bond. It's one of the reasons I just can't completely write off drinking just yet. 

Now, obviously, if alcohol is a problem for you - addiction, intolerance, etc - then you need to forego it altogether, and that's okay. You don't need to partake in alcohol consumption itself to experience its benefits, as long as you're willing to be around people who are drunk and can derive some amusement from their shenanigans. Other people are often also more receptive to your company after they have had a drink or two.

If you do plan to drink, you may find that a drink or two can aid you with your social efforts. It might be beneficial to loosen some of your inhibitions. You might find it results in being more humorous, which can make you a more desirable companion for future gatherings. In many instances, alcohol can bring background friends out of their shells, making them more open to human connections.

Remember: none of this is a commentary on you. Multiple barriers exist when it comes to establishing human contacts and relationships. Alcohol is just one tool which, when wielded strategically and responsibly, can remove some of those barriers. It can provide some liquid confidence, reduce your need to shield yourself from others, and make the flow of conversation that much easier. But, beware the hazards of over-indulgence, and don't be dependent on it for all your social gatherings.