alaala

Untitled Part 22

Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko...pinaghalong awa, galit, tuwa...kilig...pero hindi na ako kagaya ng dati...kaya ko nang itago ang nararamdaman ko.

Talagang magaling si Dr. Schultz, kung totoo man ang sinasabi ni Chris that he got me one of the top doctors in NZ. He taught me how to control my emotions, to not act impulsively, to divert all my negative feelings to a positive one. Years of therapy made me the way I am now. Sa tingin ko, kaya ko nang harapin si Chris without breaking down. I've never really moved on...mahal ko pa si Chris, yan ang totoo. Pero ang pagmamahal ko ay yung klase na kayang magparaya para sa kaligayahan nya. Masakit, pero natutunan kong tanggapin ang katotohanan na hindi kami sa isa't isa.

Pinagmamasdan ko ang lalaking nagpatibok ng puso ko. Siya din ang lalaking nagdulot ng sobrang sakit sa da damdamin ko...ang taong sumira sa pagkatao ko. Ganun ba talaga ang pagmamahal? Yung kailangan na masaktan ka ng sobra pagkatapos ng saya na nararamdaman mo?Bakit hindi pwede na laging masaya na lang? Pwede namang maging malungkot kung minsan, pero hindi yung tipong iiwan kang wasak.

Maraming katanungan na pilit hinahanapan ng sagot...ngayon at nandito na sya sa harapan ko, gusto ko bang marinig ang mga ito?  Sabi ni Dr. Schultz, if I find the answers to all of my questions, will I be satisfied? Can I go back to the way everything was, as if nothing happened? Or if the truth were to be revealed, will that instead break me? Ako lang daw ang makakasagot nyan. At eto na nga, nandito na. 

"Elaine, please give me a chance to explain eveything. I know this is so unfair on your part...nakikiusap ako. Mahal kita...hindi nawala ang pagmamahal na yon kahit minsan."

"It's true that Clarisse and I had a relationship. Seryoso kami since high school but she needed to study abroad, in UK para tapusin yon. I got depressed, lalo na nung malaman ko na she's dating somebody already. That's when I saw you. Cute ka naman, so I asked my lolo about you. There was never an arrangement about us.  Well, almost yearly umuuwi si Clarisse sa Manila. And all those times, lagi kami nagkikita...and then Kristoff happened, my son. Tinago nila sa kin and they tried to pass it off as the son of Clarisse's husband. Obviously, Kristoff looks like me, not a Briton. Nung nalaman ko, I'm willing to take her and my son...I'm ready to have them as my family. Of course, I didn't realize there were businesses involved, mergers and money matters. And I hated it. That's when I decided to propose to you."

Masakit malaman ang totoo...when you realize you were never the first choice, not even second best. Na ginamit ka lang...

"I tried to be a good husband...I swear I tried to do my best. Napamahal ka na sa kin...pero hindi ko pa kayang masaktan...or siguro, takot din ako na malaman mo ang totoo. I admit I used you...but when I said my vows, I honored it, I am faithful. And I learned to love you..."

When I saw my son and realized Kristoff had multiple congenital issues, gusto ko sya alagaan...I know na kaya mong tanggapin ang anak ko. That's how I know I married a gem. Clarisse was having none of it. Gusto nyang maging kami but at the same time, she does not want to leave her husband...She planned everything. I, of course, iniisip ko ang kumpanya...my family's legacy. At ikaw ang nag suffer."

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi ang totoo? I gave you lots of chances, Chris.  Alam mo na papayag ako sa kahit na anong arrangement...magsama lang tayo."

"You just didn't know what is at stake. Even si mom and dad, walang magawa sa schemes ni Clarisse. Money talks...it destroys people...pero para sa anak ko... "at tinakpan ng dalawang palad ang nakayukong mukha ni Chris habang umiiyak ito.

"Hindi mo alam that there are hidden cameras inside our house. Pinakabit ni Clarisse...buti na lang at sinabi sa kin nung taong assigned to monitor us, si Ronnie. Ronnie's dad used to work for the company until he got injured. Dad paid for everything and gave him his benefits. Kaya in return, Ronnie told us what Clarisse did. I had my people arrange Ronnie's Singapore stint, para hindi mahalata ng mga tao ni Clarisse. So you see, there was no chance for me to tell you the truth. We were being followed, monitored. "

"Pano nangyari yun? Bakit hindi mo ko tinext or email or parang sign na ganito na pala ang nangyayari? Or kahit man lang sa kapatid ko, or kay nanay...para naman akong tanga..."

"How, Clarisse?  Monopolize ng family ni Clarisse ang telecom sa Pinas...they also own the biggest security company. Not to mention that Clarisse's husband owns the majority shares of the three largest banks in the world. Ano ang panama ng EB Cuevas? Yes, we are influential...but not at that level..."

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa naririnig ko. Ano ba tong napasukan ko? Kala ko dahil mayaman si Chris, tahimik na ang buhay namin...