Run Wild Horses

Chapter 14

I let the whiskey talk
And baby it said too much
I got the feeling now
It didn't say enough
'Cause I'm waking up alone
Missing that midnight kiss
I can't promise you forever
All I know is I still want you to come over
And I'm stone cold sober

I woke up with a groan. Not because of being hungover, I rarely ever suffer the ill side effects of drinking too much the night before. I guess I'm just lucky that way.

I'm also one of those people who always seem to remember everything they did while drunk. I'm not sure if it's a curse of a blessing. I think in this case though, it might be a curse.

I don't know how I'm going to face Ryan. I already know that avoiding him is impossible. I'm humiliated over how I acted. I really told him I wanted to have sex with him. It was true though. I really did, and that wasn't just the alcohol talking. I then came upon a startling and shocking realization that I did not want to face: I had feelings for Ryan. Not the usual I don't like him feelings, but the exact opposite. I do like him. So I may have been a little mad last night that he turned me down, but I know why. He proved me wrong. He proved to me that he's the good guy I had been hearing about. This is crazy. I know he hates me. All we do is fight. And kiss. And had sex once. Ugh. I've made such a mess of things. I've got to stop drinking so much. It makes me do crazy things, especially when I'm around him because I'm so damn attracted to him.

When did all of this happen? Was it just because of last night? When we slept together? Or has it been there all along?

Coffee. That's what I need. Even though I think I feel fine, I'm obviously still drunk from last night.

As embarrassed as I was, I really did want to talk to him. To see him. Did I dare?

Although we had never actually exchanged numbers, we were in a group chat that Courtney had set up, so I had his number.

My hands shaking, I hit the call button. What do I even say? Shit. It's ringing. Duh. That's what phones are supposed to do.

"It's Ryan. Leave me a message."

I quickly hung up. I didn't want to leave a message. Did I really have to talk to him right now? This was so messed up. Coffee. Right. I need coffee. I looked around. I wonder what Ryan thought about my pink room. I giggled to myself. Stop thinking about him. I'm going out for coffee.

******

One of the things I love about the location of my apartment is that there is a Starbucks right around the corner. I ordered my usual Venti white mocha frap with an extra shot, a blueberry muffin and a birthday cake pop.

For some reason, I started thinking about home. My old home. We had a Starbucks at the loft. Steven always made me order "skinny" versions of my favorite drink, and gave me hell if I wanted to indulge in sweet treats.

I wonder if Steven has let go of me yet. Probably. He probably moved on the day after I left. Why the hell am I even thinking about Steven? Damn. The alcohol really did a number on my brain last night.

Maybe Ryan wasn't being chivalrous last night. Maybe he just didn't want to have sex with me. He did it once and got it out of his system. These feelings I think I'm having are not real. I'm hyper fixating on something that isn't there, and I just need to let it go. I've wasted enough time thinking about him and this.

My phone ringing was a nice distraction when Courtney's name flashed on the screen.

"How are you feeling this morning?" She asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"I feel fine." I chuckled.

"Have you made it out of bed yet?"

"As a matter of fact, I'm at Starbucks now. You know I don't do hangovers."