Run Wild Horses

Chapter 19

I want you trust me, I want you to love me
I want you to need me like I'm something you can't lose
I want you to save me, I want you to crave me
Even when I can't find my way to you
If you ever once doubt, anything I'm about
All it ever comes down to, girl I just want you

I went back and forth several times with myself. Should I stay or should I go? In the end, I decided to go back to Courtney and Chase's house, yet I knew if he asked me to stay I would give in. I both hoped he would and wouldn't.

What was wrong with me? All morning and all day I wanted him. Still wanted him, but I was letting my nerves get the best of me. Letting doubts creep into my mind. Overthinking things.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked Ryan.

"No. Well, maybe a little. But I understand."
He said.

"I want to stay, but I know what's going to happen if I do. I want it to, but I'm also worried that we are rushing into things." I said, still torn.

"Nothing has to happen that you are not ready for." He said gently, tipping my head up so that he was staring directly into my eyes.

"I know, but I want to be with you, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to resist. I feel such a pull towards you, and it scares me a little bit." I admitted.

"Okay. I'll take you back." He said softly, and I felt that same indecisiveness again.

Ask me to stay. I silently pleaded to myself. But he didn't.

When we arrived at Courtney and Chase's house, he insisted on carrying me inside, despite my protests, and gently set me down on the couch where Courtney immediately began fussing over me. I loved her dearly, but she could be such a mother hen sometimes.

"I'm going to take off." Ryan said, leaning down like he was about to kiss me, but at the last second, he pulled away. "I'll check on you later okay."

My breath caught in my throat. "Thank you Ryan, for everything." I said, wanting to tell him so bad to take my back to his house, but I didn't. I couldn't. "Oh, I forgot my bag in your truck, can you go get it please."

He nodded. "I'll walk out with you." Chase said to him. .

"What was that?" Courtney asked, as soon as they were out of earshot.

"What was what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Ryan was about to kiss you. What is going on between you two?"

"It was nothing Court." I lied, but could feel my face heating up.

"Oh my God. You slept with him didn't you?"

"No, I didn't." Courtney gave me a look, and I knew I wasn't getting anything past her. "Almost, but no, it didn't happen."

"Why not?" She asked, arms folded across her chest as she gave me a knowing smirk.

"Because we kept getting interrupted. First there was the spider, then I kinda hurt my ankle again, then my phone kept ringing. The timing was just off." I stared at her pointedly when I mentioned my phone.

"Oops. Sorry." She grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah. All your fault." I teased.

"So why didn't you just tell me you were staying with Ryan?" I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Because we are trying to keep everything private while we figure out just what this is between us. Maybe it's too soon anyway. Probably. Maybe all those interruptions were a sign that we are not ready." Suddenly saying the words out loud almost seemed lame.