Run Wild Horses

Chapter 6

Here's to turning up, slowing down
And cars that go real fast
We were laughing and living, drinking and wishing
And thinking as that checkered flag was waving
Sure would like to stay in
Talladega

Although I was really missing my dad, and it just wasn't the same being here without him, I'll admit, I'm really glad I came. Everything about this place was addicting. The sights, the sounds, the smells. I had almost forgotten how much I loved this, and now, I get to experience it in an entirely different way, behind the scenes. The credentials that Chase had gotten for me allowed me unrestricted access to everything: the garage, the pit area, the drivers bus lot. It was heaven on earth, and I was completely hooked. Maybe I should stick around North Carolina. Find a job in NASCAR perhaps. With my degree, I was sure I could find something even though I had been away from the sport for so long.

As expected, I did see a lot of Ryan. He hung out with us nearly every free moment. I was a bit surprised that he didn't have a girl with him. However, I kept those thoughts to myself.

I also spent some time with Alex. I had worried that I scared him off after my little shenanigans with Ryan a few nights ago, but he didn't even bring it up. He even asked me to go out the following week, once we got back home, and I happily accepted. I truly was having a great time and I had made a lot of friends in a very short time. This was going to be good for me.

The Saturday night before the race, we were all hanging out at Chase's bus. Ryan was there, along with Alex, Bubba, William and Erin. Ryan and I were unconsciously avoiding each other. I was purposely not drinking around Ryan because I didn't want a repeat of the other night, and no one else was drinking either, since the guys were racing tomorrow.

The atmosphere was relaxed and the conversation was flowing well between everyone, even with Ryan there, I felt so at peace, I felt at home. Like this was where I was meant to be. I decided then and there, that when we returned back to North Carolina, I was going to start looking for a place of my own, and a job. It had to be the right job though. Nothing in healthcare. This was my fresh start, and I was not going to blow it. I really wanted to work in NASCAR, so I would apply to different race teams, and hope for the best. Luckily, I had more than enough in my bank account and savings to take my time and find something just right for me, before I needed to start worrying about money.

Then it happened, just when I was feeling so good, so right, something happened that put a downer on my mood. A song playing through the speakers of all things. One of my dad's favorite singers. A song that brought back a special part of my childhood. I missed him so much.

A young girl two hands on the wheel
I can't replace the way it made me feel
And he'd say, turn it left and steer it right
Straighten up girl now you're doing just fine
Just a little valley by the river where we'd ride
But I was high on a mountain
When Daddy let me drive

It hit me so damn hard. So unexpected. I knew I was about to cry. I didn't want anyone to see me, so I made up an excuse about leaving something in the car and sneaking outside. I just needed some air.

I was finally alone, so I let the wave of sadness overtake me. Or so I thought I was alone.

"Hey, are you okay?" I looked up through my tear filled eyes to find Ryan standing there looking down at me, concern showing in his blue eyes.

"Are you following me?" I asked, perturbed that my private moment had been interrupted. I really didn't intend to sound like such a bitch, but his presence unnerved me.

"No. I was just going back to my bus and saw you here." He replied.

"I'm fine. I...uh. I thought I left my charger in the car, but I guess not." I lied.

He wasn't buying it. "You don't look okay. You're thinking about your dad aren't you." He spoke softly, concern unmistakable in his voice.

His words sent fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. "It's this place, and that...that damn song." I muttered, embarrassed that I had been caught in a moment of weakness. So caught off guard that I didn't even bother to put my walls up.

He took a seat next to me. "I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. It can't be easy I'm sure. I don't know what I'd do without my dad."

"I take it y'all are close then." I said, giving in to the urge to talk to somebody, anybody. Even if it was him.

"Very. I'm close with my whole family." He said in that same soft, raspy tone.

"You're very lucky. Hold on to that. Hold onto every moment you can because you never know when it's all going to be taken away." I choked back a sob, not only because I was missing my father, but I missed my mother too. Angry, yet extremely sad that a stupid misunderstanding had come between us at a time when we should be holding each other the closest.

To my surprise, strong arms wrapped around me, enveloping me in warmth. This was an entirely different Ryan than I had seen previously. Maybe I was finally seeing the good guy everyone had been telling me about. I could have gone to Courtney with how I was feeling, but I felt I had burdened her enough. Sometimes, it's easier to accept comfort from a practical stranger.

I let myself go, if only for a moment, ignoring the guilt I felt for getting emotional, for letting my guard down. Unleashing feelings that I had kept so tightly buried within myself. While I knew I shouldn't feel weak, I did. Not showing weakness, not showing your emotions was a feeling that had been instilled in me during my relationship with Steven. Because of him, I had issues with letting my guard down, showing my hand, especially with someone I really did not trust.

Feeling like I had shown too much, I tried to break out of his embrace, but then his lips were on mine. Soft and warm, gently moving against mine. For a moment I kissed him back. I needed this so much, but just for a moment though. Then, I got angry. Was he seriously taking advantage of my vulnerable moment to kiss me?

"Go back to your bus Ryan." I said pushing him away.

"You're not just running from something, you're hiding too." He said, and I hated that he had such a read on me.

"No. I just don't like you." I snapped.

"Trust me princess, the feeling is mutual." He said coldly, standing up and turning his back to me headed back to his own bus.

********

"Woooo! Go Alex!" I stood up from my seat in Chase's pit box and cheered as Alex Bowman took the lead from Ryan with ten laps to go.

Courtney watched me, an amused expression on her face. "You like him." She teased.

I blushed a little. "Yeah, I do."

I knew Courtney was a little bummed out. Chase had gotten caught up in an accident earlier, but was still running, although he was two laps down. The race was amazing. From the drop of the green flag right up until now. The action was fast and my blood was pumping, heart racing in anticipation of everything going on around me. I was having the time of my life, even though Ryan had been dominating up until now. I had missed this so much. How had I gotten so far away from it for so long?

Alex continued to lead the next few laps, and I really hoped he could pull off the win, even though I knew anything could happen. I was also really looking forward to going out with him during the following week.

It was not meant to be though. With two to go, a freight train of Fords, led by Ryan, formed on the outside line to make one final charge for the win. On the last lap, they made their move, pushing Ryan to the lead, and Alex was shuffled back into the field. Cars began wrecking just a few rows back, as the leader took the checkered flag. I breathed a sigh of relief the Alex wasn't involved and managed a fourth place finish, but dammit Ryan Blaney had just won the race.