Kai's life was close to perfection but due to his inability to hear, the loss of communication became a hindrance to having a normal life. Despite having troubles, he tried his best to cope with his underlying situation. Carrying the disability for...
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Chapter 2
I hardly opened up my eyes and immediately felt my arms getting numb. I couldn't freely move my head from the neck brace and a breathing tube on my mouth. When I tried to remember what happened, I just had to think that it was the worst birthday I ever had. I couldn't remember clearly as it was all blurry in my head, but I could think that there was a lady who was trying to seduce me and then drugged me.
Fuck. That's it. That's the reason I woke up in a hospital bed right now.
I examined the room and I might be in a private room right now. Nangingibabaw ang lamig sa paligid pero parang wala lang sa akin 'yon. I felt like I should've died last night so how am I alive? Pumapasok sa utak ko na ang ilang mga katanungan na ayokong isipin pero pilit na bumabaon.
Why didn't I die? Why am I alive? Why did they save me when there's too much wrong in me?
Kung minamalas nga naman talaga ako. When there's an opportunity to be dead, hindi pa natuloy. Why the world keep making my life suck? Ano bang nagawa ko para ibagsak sa akin ang sitwasyong ito? Do I really deserve this? Do I really deserve to be treated like this? I feel like I shouldn't be born at all so I don't have to deal with all these craps. Nakakapuñeta.
"Kai!" Millarca called when she saw me awake. "Wait," she muttered and took the hearing aid from her purse and placed it on my ear. "Ayos na ba? Naririnig mo ba ako ng maayos?"
I hummed to confirm her question. Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at pinunasan ang pinagpapawisan niyang noo.
"You made us all worried. Lalo na si Mommy. She wouldn't leave the room not until you woke up. Mabuti na lang ay napilit siya ni Dad na umuwi para makapagpahinga ng maayos. I was here since last night, ako ang nagbantay sa 'yo... and I thought I'm gonna lose you—" her voice cracked and tears betrayed her. Pinunasan niya kaagad ang luha niya at natawa. "Look what you did to your sister. Not funny but I'm glad you're still here..."
She was about to hug me but because I still have something in my mouth, she just held and gripped my hand tightly.
"I'll just get the doctor and let them know. Don't die, Kai. I'm warning you," she laughed before leaving the room.
Then I look at the ceiling. If I died last night, what would happen the day after? Pupuntahan ba nila ako sa burol ko kasi wala na ako and they were sad because I'm gone? Why don't they appreciate me when I'm still alive? Bakit kailangan pang mamatay para lang masabing sayang ang buhay ko? There are two different situations and those aren't good for me, either I'd be dead or not, people would still not gonna choose me.
Hindi ako kapili-pili. Hindi ako kailanman pipiliin.
Because every time I wanted them to listen to me, they wouldn't put their attention to me. And that's being a person with disability in a wealthy family.
