Driving Me Crazy

Chapter 49

I woke up to find the space where Shawn should be empty. My hands trembled as I felt the icy cold of the sheets next to me. Clearly he'd been gone for awhile. A million thoughts ran through my mind as my hazy vision worked to become clearer the more I blinked my eyes. I didn't see him right off so the once white hot hollow of my stomach was not replaced with a pit I'd only ever felt a few other times when it came to Shawn.

Why didn't he stay with me?

Had I overdone it last night?

Did he finally get what he wanted from me and this was all just a game?

No. Camila stop it. He loves you. There has to be a perfectly logically explanation as to why your boyfriend isn't wrapped up in you the morning after having multiple rounds of mind blowing sex.

Shaking my head, I wrap the bed sheet around me and I hear it. A sniffle; it's quiet, but it's there. Turning my head towards the sound I see Shawn standing in only sweatpants on, looking out the window. It's early morning so the rest of the world isn't up yet; the sun just above the horizon as he seems to be deep in thought.

"Shawn?" I say quietly.

He doesn't move.

"Shawn!" I say a little louder as I climb out of the bed, the sheet still wrapped around me as I make my way to him.

He turns to me and his eyes grow wide, his thousand watt smile flashes just for me. Tears slowly track down his face.

"Good morning baby." He said softly, looking away yet again, watching the sunrise.

"I get to see more of these because of you." He whispers as he reaches for my hand. I take his cautiously as he gently leads me to stand in front of him, both arms now wrapping around my shoulders as I feel his tears fall to my bare skin and my back lean against his chest.

"Is that why you're crying?" I ask, leaving it at that. Men don't usually cry after sex with me.. this is all new. Seeing Shawn this vulnerable is starting to shake me. He's been so egotistical as long as I've known him, always taking what he wants without thinking of the consequences.

"That's only the half of it." He says simply, tightening his arms around me, lowering his head to rest on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I wasn't in bed when you woke up. I wanted to be, I thought I still had time." He whispers, gently kissing my neck, sending shivers up my spine.

"Is something wrong?" I ask.

He hums quietly against my skin as he wraps me in his arms in one foul swoop and carries me to the big couch off to the side of the room. I squeak in surprise as he remains quiet until I'm sitting on his lap, his fingers brushing hair from my face and curling it around me ear. He smiles at me before he leans in and gently takes my lips with his. The kiss is unlike any we've shared before. It's short, sweet even...

Resting his forehead against mine, he takes a deep breath before he opens his eyes to look at me. His hands grip my hips as he holds me. Before I can ask what he's doing, to clear my confusion, he breaks the silence.

"I had a moment this morning when I woke up and felt you wrapped around me, sleeping so peacefully. It scared me a little because for so long I dreamed of having you like I did last night, I've dreamed of being able to call you mine; that one day that girl I had a crush on that I'd meet on the bleachers during her dad's practice runs would be more to me that just someone I tried not to like."  He sighs, interlacing our fingers.  "For so long I used other things to distract myself from just being honest with you. I'd conditioned myself to be this big, strong, sex symbol in the racing world and convinced myself that filling my thoughts with anything but you was going to make me more of what people wanted me to be." He says.