Driving Me Crazy

Chapter 19

It's been a week since Shawn's accident and he's still in the coma.  I've spent literally every second I can at his bedside.  Holding his hand, kissing his cheek or his forehead, whispering in his ear to come back to me.  Talking to him out loud about anything and everything.

My parents are a little worried about me, but I don't care.  I know you're not just supposed to drop everything to a guy, but Shawn isn't just any guy.

I've been eating as much as I can, but most days I'm not hungry.  I'm too worried something will happen if I move.  Only when his parents, Aaliyah or Niall come to visit do I feel comfortable leaving his side.  I've been eating, sleeping and showering in his room, basically living with him until he wakes up and tells me to leave.

We're at the beginning of his second week when the doctor comes in to give me an update.  He tells me that they believe Shawn's body is healing quite nicely, but in the afternoon they want to take him and run some more tests.  The thought of being away from him already feels like a loss as I'm still sitting on the edge of his bed holding his hand.

Some more of the racers come to see him today.  Most bringing balloons and bottles of booze to use in celebration once he's fully recovered.  Most of them don't say anything to me, but the ones they do give me a hug and tell me how lucky Shawn is to have me at his side.

That afternoon as they take him for more tests, I feel the loss immediately.  I feel a little empty.  I know he's in good hands, but the fear something could go wrong still eats at me.

When he comes back, I feel whole again.  Taking my usual spot, I rest my head against the bed and let sleep overtake me.

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It's been more than a month and Shawn's improving every day.  The doctors think in a couple of weeks they can reverse his coma.

This news rocks my world, in a good way.  Soon, we'll learn of what and who he remembers and we'll know if there is any permanent damage to his body.

About a week ago the doctors finally told me that my blood and platelet donation very well could have been the key to saving his life.  I cried when they told me this and I can't help but think there's a reason for everything.  The thought of my blood coursing through his veins might seem disturbing to most, but to me it's a gift.  A chance we didn't have before.

I don't know if he'll remember me when he wakes up, but I hope he does.  When he does, I'm going to tell him I want to give us a shot.  I can put his past behind us and we can work on moving forward together.

I'm still not eating and sleeping as much as I should and I know everyone can tell this is wearing on me.  I'm exhausted, but I'm not leaving him.

The two weeks the doctors said would take forever, actually flew by.  I've spent countless hours by his side, and tomorrow is finally the day they are going to try and reverse his coma.

I'm apprehensive, excited, nervous - all these emotions bundled into one.

That night, as I lay my head down to rest with our joined hands over his heart, I lean over and kiss the side of his mouth.  Like every day, multiple times a day, I bring my mouth to his ear "Please come back to me baby.  I need you to come back to me."  But tonight I add something...

"I can't wait to see you."  I whisper as I sit back in my chair and watch TV until my eyelids get too heavy to stay open.