Driving Me Crazy

Chapter 35

I wake up the next morning to a huge bouquet of sunflowers in my room with a card that simply says "I'm sorry,  S.M."

I scoff as I throw the card away and bring the flowers to Linda.  She looks at me curiously and I just shrug as I tell her that she can do with them what she pleases.  It's going to take a lot more than a card and flowers to get me back.

I'm excited because Becca comes home today and we've already made plans for tomorrow to hang out with Emma.  Becca called James this morning and told him to tell me that she has a surprise for me, so even though my heart is still a little sore, I'm excited with anticipation to see what my future sister-in-law is bringing me back from Italy. 

As the day goes on, more apology gifts from Shawn arrive.  I've already received another bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear and my favorite box of chocolates.  I again give Linda the flowers and as I leave to go pick up some things from the store, I give Ron the teddy bear for his daughter and the box of chocolates for himself because we both share a mutual love for chocolate.

I end up getting my hair and nails done at my favorite salon and when I get to the store to grab stuff for lunches when I head back to work this week, I bump into a familiar face.

Connor is standing in the beer aisle as I go to grab a couple bottles of wine.  I can't miss him, so walk up to him and say "Hi"

He looks at me, and then does a double take and looks at me again.  I'm silently thanking myself for looking halfway decent in a white crop top and short overalls, a light layer of makeup and a high pony.

"I...um hi Camila! How are you?" He asks shyly.

"I'm fine! Just grabbing some wine." I smile at him filling my cart with a few bottles.  It feels weird to be smiling in front of one of Shawn's friends, but I also just want him to know that I don't need Shawn to be happy.  I'm sure he'll tell him that he saw me, but at this point I don't care.

"Well it was good to see you." He says walking away quickly.

"You too!" I call after him.

Shaking the awkward encounter off, I finish my shopping, pay for my things and head back to my car.  I'm surprised that I've even so steady, but then again, pre-Shawn, I was used to being independent.

Of course, in the parking lot I run into Aaliyah and Karen.  Aaliyah runs up to me and gives me a huge hug, apologizing for her brother being an asshole.  Karen looks at me like my puppy just died and I just smile as I tell them I'm fine and have to get going.

It was good to see them, but as soon as I get settled in my car, my fake façade of being bright and happy collapses.  I let out a sad scream as I slam my hands on the steering wheel.  I'm angry!  I'm upset, I feel like I'm going through the stages of grief for a relationship that never really was one.  It hurt me to walk away from him, but it's more than I can take.  It's hurts me to admit that I love him and I don't feel that way in return, love isn't supposed to hurt this much.

Collecting myself, I make a run through Starbucks for some coffee and I see, for the first time in awhile, a paparazzi trying to take pictures of me getting a coffee.  I'm glad I have my big black sunglasses onto hide my pathetic looking face.

America's Racing Sweetheart....

That's what they've dubbed me since the accident and following interviews, besides that and the fact that my dad and brother are two of the biggest names in racing.  They wanted to paint me as the picture of the beautiful American girl who is living the dream.

Right now I don't feel sweet and I certainly don't feel like I have a heart.  It's still trying to me pieced together, but I play a few power anthems by Kelly Clarkson and P!nk on the way home and I start to feel better. 

In less than 24 hours Becca will be here and I can't wait for my girls day with her and Emma.  It's much needed and I especially can't wait to finally find out what my surprise is from Becca.

Arriving home, I carry my bags inside and help Linda put things away.  I notice the sunflowers are still sitting on the island in the kitchen only to find it this is a new bouquet that my mother signed for.

"He's trying mija." She says as she enters the room.

"It's not enough mama." I tell her.  "I know you think we belong together, but he made it quiet clear we don't, so.... I have no shame in making him sweat it out.  Either he'll keep trying or he'll give up and then I have my answer." I shrug as I walk over to her and kiss her cheek before heading upstairs.

I've had enough for today and spend the rest of the night relaxing in the bubble bath, and then wrapped in my robe in bed.