The Dreamer

Chapter 10

Sarah was wearing a navy blue tulle skirt that went down to her knees. The Bowknot Cape Sleeves blouse was a clearer shade of blue. She opted for black heels instead of the blue shiny ones. Where is my purse?

She rushed to her room to look for the purse. It wasn't on the bed as she expected. She checked the closet, nothing. She made her way to the living room. Then she found the purse right next to the table where Jessica's photo stood among little porcelain statues. She grabbed the photo and looked into the eyes of her toddler. Time flies. Do you ever think about me? She hoped if Jessica remembered her, it was in a positive light.

The doorbell rang and she put the photo back in her place. Tonight she didn't want to carry Jessica's photo to a date. She took a last glance at her reflection in the frame of a clock on the wall before opening the door.

"Hi there," she hugged Damon.

"You look stunning," he said. "And your apartment is gorgeous," he took a peek inside.

"Thank you," she replied. "I finished furnishing it just recently."

"I would ask you if I could see the place but you know...the reservation."

"Yes of course, maybe I can show it to you afterwards."

He gave her a curious look and she blushed to think what her comment may imply. Damon drove smoothly; he made it seem as if driving in the city was a walk in the park. Nothing bothered him, the traffic lights seemed to be working in coordination in his favor, and even drivers around respected his space. Sarah felt safe next to him. The car smelled fresh and it was sparkling clean. She felt so comfy and could easily ride with him all the way to Mexico if he proposed it.

"Do you ever drive in the city?" he asked her.

"Not anymore. I have a car, but I find it easier to just ride the subway. I used to drive a while back," she answered.

"What made you stop? Just preferred the comfort of the crowded subway?" he grinned.

"You could say that," she smiled while remembering how she would drive to visit Jessica in Albany. The court had ruled on Matthew's favor. He had full custody but both agreed it was best for Jessica to keep her mother in her life. She smiled to remember the days she visiting her daughter on Saturdays. She would pack a picnic basket and drive all the way to Albany. From there, they would go together around town, to parks, to movies. Being deprived of Jessica's company killed Sarah a little bit every day. Saturdays were rays of hope that she was given periodically. That kept her motivated until Jessica decided she didn't want to see her anymore. What changed? We had fun, we were happy. Could it be that Katherine was filling her head with ideas about me? No she doesn't seem the evil stepmother type. Still, what was it?

She held back a tear. Her mental health took a big hit after she couldn't see Jessica anymore. Even Matthew interceded for her. But Jessica never told them why she made such decision. I miss you, Sarah pictured her smiling face. How do you look now? For some time she drove there and parked outside hoping she would get a glimpse of her baby, but it seemed their timing was never right.

She wanted to be the mother that she didn't have herself. She wanted to talk about boys, to braid her hair, to help her come up with excuses to hang out with her friends. But she would never get to experience that. Sarah was gripping her purse tightly and pursing her lips to hold back the river of emotions that could come up any minute.

"Your purse is safe here, you can relax," Damon said.

She turned to see his smiling face. She laughed along at how silly she probably looked. She turned to look at him intently. Is it the right time to talk about Jessica? He knew she was divorced, but she never mentioned Jessica, and nobody asked. She wasn't the type to open up about personal matters at work.

"We are here," he said while driving into the valet parking lane. "You ready?"

"Yes," she said.

He handed his keys to an attendant and rushed to the other side to open the door for her; she was already stepping out of the car, so instead he offered his hand. They walked in together, she holding his arm. They informed the host they had a reservation and were shown the way to their table.

"Please allow me," Damon said and pulled the chair for her.

She thanked him and sat down. They ordered a bottle of wine that they would share. Sarah ordered Bucatini alla carbonara and Damon opted for a dry-aged porterhouse agnolotti. The dinner was as delicious as it would be expected of a restaurant well known in town.

Across their table, a young couple sat down to dine. They extended their arms on top of the table and held hands. Sarah turned back to Damon. He was a very handsome man, but he wasn't young. She was also a mature woman herself. It felt incredibly bizarre to be on a date at forty. We need to normalize dating at forty. When she was as young as the couple across the table, she had the impression she would marry, be deeply in love, and then stay with Matthew forever. Once the divorce was finalized, she just couldn't picture herself doing all the things she did in her twenties, dating, falling in love, and remarrying. But here she was dating again. I guess you can find love no matter how old you are. I mean, not like I am in love or I was even looking for it.

She took a sip of wine to avoid the mind bug that had started to come up.

Damon extended his hands and grabbed her. She jumped startled and looked at his hands.

"Well, you were looking at them. I though you maybe were wondering what it felt like to touch my hands. Because I know I was wondering."

She nodded. "They feel nice."

"Thank you. I use lots of lotion and manicures," he said rather proud of his hands.

"You do?"

He nodded and released her hands to bring his nails closer to her face for deeper examination.

"Wow your hands are so pretty," she said while imagining how they felt on her body.

Damon turned one more time to look at the young couple. "Why you never remarried?" He asked abruptly.

She felt her mouth fall open and then close again. "I guess, I don't know," she stammered. It was shocking that he asked exactly what she had been thinking. She cleared her throat. "I just have things I need to work on that stopped me from going forward with any relationship."

"Should I assume you resolved those issues or should I watch my feelings?" Damon asked. He had a way of bringing up the serious stuff while keeping a gentle smile. As if he hadn't dropped a bomb on top of the table.

"We are doing this, aren't we?" Sarah put the fork down.

"Doing what?" He seemed confused.

"Having the serious conversations."

"I mean only what you feel like talking about," he seemed to feel guilty now as if he had said the wrong thing.

"I do. We know each other well. And I trust you, and I like you. I want to open up with you," she cleaned her mouth with her napkin and set the cup of wine aside."Are you sure?"

"Yes, I appreciate you giving me space and privacy, but come on, we are on a date. We like each other, the potential of getting serious is high, and I don't want to fall for you or you falling for me, just to later on realize my issues are too big for you to handle."

"Never," he said. "I would never..."

"Never said never," Sarah smiled nervously.

"Ok, well I am all ears."