The Dreamer

Chapter 33

Sarah leaned against the window. Her head felt heavy and her eyes closed easily. She could rest at last. Damon stroked her head gently. She turned to see him smiling at her, as if saying you did it. The whole scene was something she had lived before, she remembered, in a dream. They had been driving together, but maybe it was a foreshadowing of the ride they shared on the way to Albany, or maybe it was of the ride they were sharing now. It didn't matter. He had been there for her through it all. She leaned her head again in the window and the next time she opened her eyes, Damon was helping her get out of the car, and taking her toward her door.

"We are here already?" She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

He nodded while opening the front door with her keys. She couldn't even remember handing over the keys. They walked inside and he guided her to her bed.

Damon stood at the frame looking around. He had never been in her bedroom. Yet, Sarah felt they had been in her bedroom together before. The experience was new, but somehow not really.

"Ok, sleep well, and call me if you need anything. I will come with you to the hospital tomorrow," he said.

"Please stay," Sarah replied. "You can stay the night to make the ride easier."

He hesitated briefly before nodding. "Ok, have any spare blankets."

Sarah put her hand on her bed, "please sit."

He observed her carefully and slowly made his way to the bed.

"I need to tell you something," she said.

"What is it?" his voice denoted concern. He leaned forward attentively.

"About us. When we were together I tried to tell you this because I trusted you. I couldn't finish what I wanted to tell you." She opted for not going in details about the fight they had back then. "But I want to tell you now. I trust you, and I ready to say it no matter how you react."

He nodded.

"Twenty years ago," Sarah started. It felt easy and natural to reveal her past and her pain. Somehow she was no longer stuck or hesitant to let it out. It actually felt good to be free from it and to share with another human being that cared about her.

When she finished retelling the story of how she lost her family, Damon held a soft gaze. He extended his hand and grabbed hers. They exchanged a long look until he lay next to her. With teary eyes, he looked into her soul.

"I am sorry," he said. "And I sorry I didn't listen to you. You are very special Sarah and I should have seen it before. I wish I took things with more maturity back then. I wish,"

Sarah hugged him tightly. The touch of his skin was something familiar, as a part of her living in another person. She felt their hearts beating together at the same rhythm, and in that hug they were one, and no longer two.

The next instant, Sarah was in a field, only green in all directions and a clear blue sky above. She lay down on the grass and felt the warm of the sunlight. A shadow stood behind her. She sat up abruptly and saw a tree behind her. She stood up and walked closer to it until her hand could feel the rough trunk. She closed her eyes and felt the peace and the safety that the tree inspired in her. She was alone, yet she knew she wasn't. She looked around at the empty field, and still saw nobody. She closed her eyes again, and felt the presences stronger than when she looked with her eyes open.

There were a whole group of people or rather beings or energies, surrounding her. She kept her eyes closed and allowed herself to feel. The love that came from each being was incredible, so healing and purifying. In this space, nothing mattered; whatever she endured her whole life vanished, and all she needed was the companionship and the love she was experiencing. A voice came from within. You are safe, you are strong, and you are never alone. I love you.

And then she woke up, no gasping for air like often, but feeling rested and relieved, in a completely new state of mind. She looked next to her and saw Damon fast asleep. She sat up abruptly trying to remember when she fell asleep. They were fully dressed and even wearing shoes. She felt tempted to touch his face and his hair. He had been so strong for her, and now he seemed so peaceful and innocent.

He opened his eyes and stretched his body. He grinned. With a soft voice, he said "waking up next to you is a gift."

His words stroke a cord within her. The exact same words had been in one of her dreams shortly after their breakup. She covered her mouth with her hands to conceal the surprise. If that had come true, every little meaningless dream may have a meaning that she hadn't seen yet.

"I am sorry; I didn't mean to upset you." Damon sat up. "I was just..."

"No, no, don't worry," she waved her hand and stood up. "Thank you Damon. What you did for me yesterday was something that only a person of the purest heart does. I mean it; I don't know how it would have gone if you hadn't show up yesterday."

"No, Sarah. It's fine. That's what friends do." He looked down at the word friends. Sarah looked away too. Their relationship wasn't really a friendship, was it? It felt like more than that and at times it felt as if there was no sort of relationship between them at all.

Sarah prepared a heavy brunch for them and tool showers before heading out for the hospital. Damon offered to drive again and she called Matthew. He answered. Nice to see I am unblocked again. Matthew informed her that Jessica would most likely go home today but she was still at the hospital. The ride to Albany was quiet. Damon focused on the road and didn't even glance Sarah's way. She made few comments here and there, to which he replied short and serious.

They reached the hospital and drove into the parking garage.

"Thank you for driving," Sarah said as she opened the door, still not knowing what had changed his mood.

"Wait," he said.

She sat back down and looked at him expectant.

"I, Sarah, I need to." He took a deep breath. "Sarah, would you consider giving our relationship a second chance." His eyes pleaded for a yes.

"Oh," Sarah swallowed hard. "I, I," she stammered. She looked into his eyes. There was so much sincerity behind them. This is my fault. I led him on. "Damon," she sighed. "There is so much going on in my life."

"Oh, yeah, I mean, I get it," he looked out the window.

A part of her wanted to shout at him for not coming back sooner, for flirting with Tania, for no acting when things were still fresh. But another part of her was grateful for him and loved him and cared for him, and more importantly, would never say anything that could hurt him.

She grabbed his hands. "I am blessed to have you in my life. But there is a lot happening now and I can't bring anything else into my life. It would be too stressful, even if it's the most loving thing in the word. I just can't handle anything else. Please give me some time."

"I get it," he smiled, but his eyes gave up hissadness. "I felt you hid so much from me back then. I wasn't sure I couldhandle what you hid. But now I see, I wasn't meant to handle your issues butjust to hold the space for you when you needed it. I wish I could have seenthan before."