The Dreamer

Chapter 43

 Sarah put some more blueberries in her bucket while Ali was more excited about the fresh air and the birds that frequented the area. Sarah examined the bucket. Maybe if she returned to agronomy, she would get to work at a place like this. But what exactly did an agronomist do? She would probably have to return to school since the field has changed drastically in twenty years. Technology saw to that.

"I can't believe I have never come here," Ali said, smiling broadly as she filled her bucket. "I need to bring my girls here."

"You showed me Waffle house for the first time. I can only repay you by showing you a blueberry picking farm," Sarah replied.

"What are you thinking about? Lost something in that bucket?" Ali said, leaning to see inside the bucket.

Sarah laughed. "I just." She hesitated. "You know what? I am tired. I can't do this anymore. Micromanaging helped when I was a Project Manager. But it doesn't really help when it comes to finding my path and my purpose. I feel I have tried to manage this process as if it was work. But this is something that happens on its own. The process unravels without me trying to push it. Or rather it is easier when I stop over thinking everything."

Ali stared briefly. "So what are you gonna do now?"

"I let go," Sarah said. "Oh my God. This is what I need to let go, isn't it? Sophie told me in a dream to let go, is it this she was talking about?" She turned to Ali as if she could read in Ali's face the answers.

"Could be." Ali shrugged, keeping a stoic stare.

"You mentioned a while back I had to take care of two things and after that I would be, I don't remember exactly what you said comes after, but I think once I am beyond those two issues; I will be in alignment with my purpose. Remember?"

"I remember vaguely," Ali squinted her eyes. "But sounds like something I would say."

"Yes. You were talking about my mother and my daughter, about the energy that I carried with me and have been experiencing lately, right?"

"I think so."

"I mean I haven't forgiven Martha. I don't know if I will ever be able to. But I have awareness about it, and I have... Oh God...I have compassion for her. Ali, this whole thing is crazy. I mean, don't you see it? Us meeting was like a magical event, and all the guidance you gave me. It's like everything fell in place. Whoa."

Ali nodded but kept her lips sealed.

"What is it?" Sarah narrowed her eyes.

"I just don't think you need me anymore," Ali replied keeping her gaze low.

"Nonsense! We will always be friends," Sarah said and put her arm around Ali's shoulders.

"Yes. I am your friend, but I am also a messenger, and I have brought you everything you need to hear from me. Now, you are ready and capable of getting this information from within. Now, you are in attunement with your inner voice."

"Ali, come on, don't."

"Don't get scared now honey," Ali laughed. "You are strong and you are very capable."

Sarah opened her mouth but there wasn't anything she could think of that would change things.

"There is one last thing I have wanted to tell you. I couldn't find the best moment, but you can hear this now." She faced Sarah and grabbed her hands. "You need to go to the scene of the accident."

Sarah took her hands away sharply. She opened her mouth to protest, but she knew Ali was right. The last thing she needed to do to let go of the past was precisely to face it face on. She turned to look away. And then faced Ali again and nodded. There was no need for words; they both knew Ali was right and they also knew that Sarah was ready.

Sarah drove back home, with two full buckets of blueberries. She would bake some muffins and share them with Ali. Sarah saw a plane in the horizon. The light hit it at an angle that made it look like a miracle of engineering, which indeed planes are. Maybe I am meant to be a traveler. Her heart gave a little jump. Maybe she could travel the world and blog, but isn't that the definition of freedom that credit card and vacation companies sell to retired seniors?

Maybe she had to return to agronomy, although it would require more education. But how not to throw all her career to the trash? She had invested a lot of time and resources in her career. Maybe there is a way I can keep my career and at the same time have a purpose.

That night, Ali and her shared muffins and tea while watching a movie at Sarah's tiny apartment. She wanted to just enjoy this moment. Even if this apartment was cheaper, she could now lose it too if she didn't find an income within few months. She still has savings but preferred to not exhaust them as they could come handy sometime in the future.

Sarah checked her email quickly when setting up the computer to stream a movie. There was an email sent by a company she hadn't heard about before.

"What is it?" Ali asked after seeing Sarah's face growing serious.

"I got an email. I am being asked to an interview. It's a company that saw my Linkdin profile." Sarah finished reading and closed the lid of her laptop. Then she opened it again and read it one more time.

"Are you going to reply?" Ali asked.

"No," Sarah shook her head and closed her email.

Ali observed her closely. "Ok. Let's watch the movie then."

"Uhm-um," Sarah said while pressing play and positioning the screen in front of them while they sat comfortably on the sofa wrapped in blankets.

Ali stole a glance at Sarah, and Sarah looked back. "Ok. I'll reply," she paused the movie and opened her email again. "I know I renounced the corporate world, but this company is quite nice. They are a nonprofit that works with environmental protection. They are offering me a position as Project Manager involved with agro projects. It is different than just all companies who do business just for the sake of money. This one feels different."

"Sounds awesome."

"I probably look like a hypocrite. Why am I so excited about just another nine to five?"

"Because it is not just another nine to five. Your heart is guiding you here and you are listening to it. Corporate world is neither good nor bad. If your heart guides you there, it must have something good."

Sarah hesitated. "Yeah. I guess. I do feel called to go." She typed something quickly. "I agreed to interview. Not saying I will take an offer."