The Dreamer

Chapter 31

I was drowning. Maybe she is going to the beach or something. I need to warn her. Sarah laid in bed hour after hour; four o' clock went by, and then five, and then six, and then street noise filled her room. She had covered the window with a black blanket to filter the light out, but light ad noise got in regardless. Even if it was peaceful and quiet she could not get herself to sleep. Is she going to the sea maybe?

She looked at the time. It was just few minutes after six; time could not move fast enough. A headache was setting in and her body felt heavy as if her mind was in the clouds. She stumbled off her bed and headed for the kitchen. She turned on the stove and set the water to boil. A part of her wanted to drink a relaxing tea and maybe sleep for some time. But another part, the one in control, needed coffee and to stay alert until she could figure out what she could do. I will have to rent a place near their home and watch closely.

The water boiled and she looked for coffee through the cabinets. She added two spoons of coffee in her mug and then filled it with water. She took her mug to her bedroom and sat in her swivel. Every morning she sat there in front of her mirror to get ready. The way she was looking at wasn't she, couldn't be. Regardless of all she had gone through, she always had an image that demanded respect. Or was it fear? Was it mistrust? Now, she seemed frail, and tired, there were big bags under her eyes, and her skin was dry. Sure, she hadn't slept at all. But the lack of sleep was not the only thing breaking her. There was also all the healing she had endured. That also was part of it. Yet, something else showed in the mirror. She gazed at her reflection trying to decipher what it was. I am not breaking down; I am breaking open. Her perfect mask was broken. She was no longer what she was expected to appear as to the world. She was now herself, human, and real.

By nine in the morning, she felt it was late enough to call Matthew. The call went straight to the voicemail. Damn it Matthew, answer; this is important. She waited as patiently as she could, resisting the urge to drive all the way to Albany again. The minutes slowed down. By 9:23, she couldn't wait much longer and dialed again. The call went straight to voicemail again. Could he have? You better not Matthew. Don't be stupid.

Without hesitation she opened her front door and stopped a woman in the street.

"Please, my calls are not connecting, and it's an emergency. Can I borrow your phone for a minute?"

The woman handed her phone with a frown in her face and Sarah looked for Matthew's number and dialed it. The line connected and rang three times before it went to voicemail. She hung up, thanked the woman, and hurried back indoors. She called again, and one more time the call went to voicemail in the first ring.

He did.

She sat on the floor and buried her face in her hands. What will I do? She noticed then the glass around her and saw the multiple cuts in her hands. The frustration kept building up within. I need some sleep. Or maybe I need to be on my way to Albany now. She leaned her back on the wall and closed her eyes for a second.

The next second she opened her eyes, she was falling, surrounded by darkness all around her. She heard a splash and found herself under water, struggling to breathe. Darkness surrounded her in all directions. Why am I here? I can breathe. And then her lungs filled with air. She inhaled deeply, relieved to feel the air again. I can breathe, how? She floated in the water and looked around; there was a faint light above her. Jessica!! She swam toward the light and as she got closer, she could hear Jessica's voice getting louder and clearer. Mom! Mom! Mom!!! Help me mom. She cried and her tears mixed with the water. I am coming baby.

As she emerged from the water, she saw the full moon in the sky. She looked around but all she could see was her living room. She woke up frightened and looking around hoping she would see Jessica. She looked at the time. It's noon.

The rest of the day she struggled to settle her nerves. She took short naps here and there through the day. Every time she managed to get some sleep, she found herself again in the water. With every dream, she could see a little bit clearer. There was music in the background. There was also someone she didn't recognize, but she still couldn't see Jessica.

By five, she had a late lunch. She grabbed her car keys, ready to leave to Albany, when someone knocked her door.

"Oh God," she hurried to open the door, fearing there would be bad news coming her way. In fact, every minute she felt something within her increasingly pulling her to go see Jessica. She opened the door and found Damon standing in front of her, as beautiful, tall, and well put together as always.

"Damon," she stuttered and got lost in his eyes.

"You blocked my number," he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I. I...right now is not a good moment," she said.

"Sarah, I was worried sick about you. What is happening? Are you OK? How is your mom?"

"My mom?" she was taken aback.

"There was a call at the office. We were told that you had an emergency, something happened to your mother. I didn't know you had a brother." He put his hands on her shoulders. "I was worried sick and tried to call many times, but you ended up blocking me. So here I am."

"Oh Ok, no I am fine. Don't worry about that. Thank you Damon. But it's not a good moment."

"Sarah." He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. "Listen. I am sorry. We had a great friendship. I should have been more sensitive to what you told me that night. But I care about you. I want to support you if something is happening."

She stood frozen unsure of what to say. "Damon," she mumbled after some time. "I don't know what to say. I appreciate what you are saying. I am sorry too; and I care about you of course, but right now I have so much in my plate."

"Then let me help you handle whatever is going on."

She hesitated for a bit, but ended up giving in. It had been a stressful time and feeling supported was an opportunity she couldn't pass on. She made some tea for them and sat with Damon in the living room. As she looked for the right words to explain her predicament, she was terrified he wouldn't believe her, just like last time, and things would again escalate to the point they disrespected each other.

He grabbed her hand, "Sarah. Please trust me again. I am sorry I didn't trust you before."

That encouraged her. Feeling his hand in hers felt strange, warm, comforting, but also awkward. She removed her hand. "Thank you."

She took a deep breath and started talking about the issue, hesitant at first, but soon comfortable. Damon listened attentively the entire time and kept his gaze in hers.

"And now I am worried sick because I feel this need to go to Albany, but I don't know if Matthew will let me in or even if it is the right moment to go," she finished. She looked at him expecting he would reply something ridiculing her.

"Well, if you want to go to Albany, you should do it," he said finally.

"He wouldn't let me in," she slumped back on the couch.

"Then break in," he shrugged. "This is important for you Sarah. So you should go. I will come with you if you are ok with it. Just tell me when you want to go."

"Now," she replied. It came out of nowhere. She just knew it was the time to go.

"Let's do it," he smiled mischievously.

They rushed to the door. As she stood outside, the wind hit her skin. She wrapped her arms around her chest while shuddering. Matthew offered her his jacket. "There is a front cold coming in. It's insane. Just yesterday, it was nice and sunny. This is the global warming effect.

A front cold, she though. In her dream, the wind was unusually cold. She looked up and horrified saw the full moon in full splendor. She looked at her hands and saw all the Band-Aids. Her eyes filled with tears.

"Come on," Damon said while opening the door for her.

She remembered a dream she had where Damon and she were in a car together.

"Oh God," she cried. "It's happening now."