The Dreamer

Chapter 12

Her eyes felt heavy. She didn't need to look at the mirror to know how puffy and red they were. She took a sip of her drink. Last night she had opened a wine bottle she had received as a welcome gift from her landlord when she first moved in. Without the habit of drinking, she just put it in the cabinet and forgot it even existed. She took another sip. I guess it wasn't for cooking after all.

The hours had gone by until it was about three in the morning and she was half drunk. She lay in bed exhausted, depleted, and feeling so weak that her body pretty much melted into the mattress. The sleep didn't last long enough for her to rest. Within minutes she saw Damon, on bed also, with a lost look in his eyes, holding tightly to his pillow and sniffling. She stood by his bed and extended her hand to reach his face. His skin felt warm, and her hand was wet by the semidry tears on his cheeks. She ran her other hand through his hair and sat on the bed by his side. He looked startled at the bed and put his hands exactly where her hands were. Then he looked around with jerky movements until he jumped out of bed and turned on the lights.

She woke up also startled and aware that she hadn't been dreaming. It was real, she had visited him somehow. Quickly she fell asleep again until the noise from the street woke her up at around eight thirty in the morning and the sunlight filtered in through the window. She stumbled out of bed, struggling to keep her head from spinning. She made her way to the shower and tried to avoid eye contact with her reflection in the mirror. Shame crept in her mind every time she saw the puffy eyes, the pale skin, and the palpable grief in her reflection. Oh God, she though when the memory of her slapping Damon came back to her. Why didn't I handle it better? Will he ever knock on her open door again to say good morning? How would they keep a professional relationship when he likely hated her? How stupid I was, I should have measured the risks better. Had she lost the only real friend she had?

She spit out the water as she kept brushing her teeth and took a hard look at the mirror. She would need to live with this, whatever the consequences, there was no denying that. She threw her pajamas in the laundry basket and walked into the steaming shower. The hot water felt great on her body. As if it could cleanse away the experience she had gone through. She let steam cloud her vision as if it could help her hide away from her reality. Then she stepped out and grabbed the towel. The fabric felt as comfortable as the water had felt, and now it was time to go out and face her reality. She put on comfortable jeans and a blue blouse, not too elaborate and made her way out to the street by nine twenty. Today didn't feel like a day to be in the subway so she drove. Being in the driver seat made her somehow nervous. It always brought up memories of Jessica and the lost relationship. Traffic was light, and even finding parking wasn't too hard. The universe was working on not giving her a harder time.

You should follow me tomorrow and see for yourself. She remembered her own words for Damon. Would he actually follow me? Does he even care anymore if I was telling the truth?

She arrived at the coffee shop. The minute she opened her car door, a wave of panic invaded her. She grasped the door handle as if it would help her feel stable again. She could feel her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She felt sweat in her forehead, her whole skin went cold. The nice warm shower and the comfort she felt was now just a distant memory. She swallowed hard and made her wade to the coffee shop. Inside, she sat in a corner table and felt her heart still thundering for many minutes until she started to relax. Why am I even here?

She took a look at the phone screen, partly hoping to see a message from Damon, but focused only on the time. 9:55, she'll be here soon. Then the time was 10:00, and then 10:05, and then 10:10. OMG, it was always a dream, it was never real.