The Dreamer

Chapter 15

"Mom this is not enough, don't be cheap," the boy joked.

"Fine," Martha handed him some more bills. "Maybe get me something too, and your..." she looked at Sarah and decided to hold back her words.

He left gingerly counting the money on his palm, leaving behind Sarah and Martha sitting at a public table in the park next to the supermarket.

"Sister?" Sarah asked her. "Where you going to call me his sister?"

Martha looked away, biting her lower lip. She broke the silence with a sigh. "Look. He never knew about you or your." She held back her breath.

"My sister, Sophie. Mom," Sarah felt her nostrils flaring. "Don't try and pretend you forgot her name."

"Fine, I didn't forget," Martha yelled bringing her palms to her face. "I didn't forget; how could I?" She shook her head.

Sarah noticed how aged her mother was. It's been so long, close to two decades, since she decided to step away from her own mother. The hair that Martha kept always bright and shiny now was dull and gray. Her face was the same but now wrinkles spread all over her face. Her hands were more fragile and also wrinkled. Sarah noticed the wedding ring was gone too, probably a very long time ago.

"How old is he?" Sarah asked leaning forward.

"Andrew? He is fourteen," Martha replied still keeping her eyes away. "He is quite bright at school. Just like you used to be! I mean, you still are of course. I guess it runs in my genes." She smiled gently with some discomfort behind it.

"Why Andrew?" Sarah said, biting on her lip and cupping her hands together to avoid the shaking.

"You know why," Martha replied.

"He is not the father. Obviously," Sarah said. "So who is it?"

Martha seemed uneasy. She blinked rapidly and clumsily played with a bracelet in her wrist.

"Here, I got you strawberry," Andrew came back with a cone and handed it to Martha. He looked at Sarah. "I am sorry I didn't have enough for your friend."

"That's Okay," Sarah said looking at him intently. They shared nothing. Their eyes and hair were different colors. His nose had a different protruded shape, nothing like hers or Martha.

"What time are we leaving mom?" He asked, while examining Sarah with curiosity.

Martha cleared her throat. "Well, we should get going." She smiled at Sarah with pursed lips.

"Andrew, why don't you get yourself some more toppings for your ice cream," Sarah said with a steady voice while handing him a twenty dollars bill. "Maybe you could get me also something, a small snack." She tried to smile gently but her jaw felt tight, making her smile appear menacing.

Andrew reached for the bill quickly but then stood motionless. He observed Sarah for few seconds. He fiddled with the bill and turned to face his mom. Martha nodded with a grave face. The boy smiled and half jumped in the air. "Mom, your friend is cool," he said, unaware of the dynamic going on in front of his own eyes.

He walked away but turned constantly to look at them. Sarah waited until he was far enough.

"So," she crossed her arms across her chest, "who is it Martha? Did you remarry? And how come you didn't even try to let me know I have a brother?" Sarah could feel her pulse quickening and her whole body tensing.

"You don't have a right to ask me that," Martha said with a shaky voice while fidgeting with her bracelet. She kept her gaze low and started sniffling.

"The fuck I do," Sarah spoke between bare teeth while slapping the table with her hands.

Martha went pallid. Her eyes were wide open and filled with tears and her chin was trembling. Sarah had never spoken to her mother like that. It was a shock for them both. From a safe distance Andrew watched them, his expression filled with worry and fear. The ice cream was melting in his hand as he stopped licking the cone.

"Please don't make me answer," Martha begged, covering her trembling mouth with her hands.

Sarah took a deep breath to calm down; this was her mother after all.

"You are a coward," she sniffled. "You went ahead and rebuild your life without even caring I was still part of your previous life. How could you not tell me I have a brother?"

"I should go," Martha tried to stand up.

Something ignited within Sarah and she held Martha's hands on top of the table. "Wait a second. You said he is fourteen. You must have been fifty when you had him. I mean even right now you look like his grandma instead of his mom." Sarah stared intently into her mother's eyes.

"I really should go," Martha muttered with her chin low and eyes red.

Sarah noticed Andrew standing still and staring, the ice cream cone on the floor.

"He is not yours, is him?" Her tone was cold and distant.

Martha burst in tears. "Stop it. Shut up now." Her tone was sharp.

Sarah let go of her hands and sat back. "You lost one child, that can't be replaced. But me? You just gave up on me, and then tried to replace me." Sarah's tone was sharp and vile. She wanted to hurt her mother's feeling. She wanted her to feel how she herself felt.

The boy started walking toward their table. Martha turned to see him. "Please," her voice was a whisper. "Please, don't tell him."

"What else are you hiding from that poor boy? You are such a monster, a sick one. You replaced me. Did you ever even love me? And how dare you name him like dad. Are you trying to rebuild your entire family from scratch, this time will start with a batch of people you actually care about?"

Martha slapped her across the face. Sarah touched her cheek and stared coldly at her mother. "He will find out for himself. He is fourteen, not stupid. You would do him a favor by being honest for once."

"Mom," the boy said when he was standing right by the table. "Are we leaving already?" He studied Sarah suspiciously, his chin high and his hands on fists. Sarah smiled sarcastically. At least you won't let her hurt you.

"Yes, honey, let's go," Martha stood up and held her son's arm. Sarah noticed how she walked slowly, like a woman who had lived many summers. A wave of guilt and regret invaded Sarah's heart.

Martha turned to look at her daughter one last time before leaving. The boy escorted her few feet away and then came back to the table. He threw the twenty dollars bill on the table and looked at Sarah with cold eyes. "I don't need your money."

Sarah saw him walk his mother away until they were out of view. She grabbed the twenty dollars and with trembling legs stood up to go find her car. She had held her mother's hands, she had felt the same hand on her face, she heard her words, and absolutely every second they were together Sarah had not felt she was with her mother. This wasn't her mother, not anymore, but then was she ever a mother to her to begin with?