The Dreamer

Chapter 29

The days were changing. Whereas just few weeks ago the sun stayed up until nine, today the sun was setting at about seven in the afternoon. Summer was heading for an ending. Sarah sat in the bench very aware of the cycle. Every ending has a new beginning. She saw her career pretty much end and now wondered what the next thing to come was. Ali sat next to her, throwing crumbs of bread to the ducks. The duckling walked very close without much concern for the massive humans sitting down. Sarah noticed a duck calling loudly as she grabbed the piece of bread and made for the pond. The tiny creatures rushed to their mother whistling in alarm.

"They are beautiful," Ali commented.

"The mother is so protective," Sarah replied with a faint smile in her face.

"Like most mothers do, in all species," Ali replied. She noticed Sarah kept quiet and continued talking some more. "Like you do and I do. I would be worried sick too if I felt my daughter was in some sort of danger."

Sarah looked away and threw some of the bread away.

Ali gently touched Sarah's shoulder. "I may not know what you are feeling right now. With my daughter, I have been close to feeling your despair, but I was never quite there. So maybe I have no right to say this, but I owe it to you to be honest and straightforward even if you end up hating me."

This caught Sarah's interest and she turned to face Ali.

"What you are feeling," Ali continued with obvious hesitation. "This is not in your control right now. I am not telling you to forget about it. I wouldn't. If it is not in your control for now, then obsessing about it is not going to help you. Some things in life will always be out of our hands, and the only thing we can do is surrender." She looked at Sarah as if expecting an emotional outburst. When it was clear she could continued she went on. "I would be worried sick too. But maybe, just maybe, you could choose to think about what is in your control, and trust in the universe what is not."

Sarah looked at Ali. Her eyes hid something hard to read, like a mix of anger, sadness, stress, and worry.

"I am not as wise as I would like to be," Ali said. "And I don't know what is right or wrong, but I had to speak my mind regardless of how you take it. What I know is right, and that I can offer you, is a hug," Ali smiled softly and opened her arms.

Sarah leaned into the hug and buried her eyes in Ali's shoulder, her arms extended around Ali.

"What is in my control nowadays?" Sarah whispered.

"Well no much it would seem," Ali said. "But there is one thing in your power right now."

Sarah released her and leaned back. She stared suspiciously. "What is that one thing?"

"You could do something about your mother," Ali suggested.

"But I am," Sarah said. "I text Andrew often. He seems to be fine, and even his mother is getting better."

"His mother?" Ali asked while throwing a knowing glance at Sarah. "That is what I am talking about honey, the resentment you carry toward your mother."

"What are you talking about? Are you telling me to forgive her? Do you think it's that easy?" Few people turned to look at her. Sarah realized how loud she had been and looked down at her feet.

"I wouldn't ask you to forgive her. Forgiveness is bliss, but it's not easy; it's a process that takes time, maybe years in cases like yours, sometimes even lifetimes. I don't even know if a person can have control over forgiveness. But the thing you have control over is feeling this. Instead of closing the door, you could take a look at the trauma bond you share with your mother. You could face it and feel it deeply. Right now you take it with you everywhere, but when you start processing it is when you start to let go."

Sarah stood up abruptly. "We should leave," she said between clenched teeth.

"If that's what you want," Ali stood up. "But before we go, I need to do something."

Ali walked to the closest tree and stretched her arms around it, pressing her face on the trunk. Sarah stared in confusion and looked around at the people walking by. Nobody paid much attention to Ali, no more than a brief glance.

"What are you doing?" Sarah said in a hushed voice standing next to Ali. "Everybody is looking at you."

"Are they?" Ali had a big smile in her face. "You should try it."

"What? Hugging a tree. I am not some sort of hippie."

"What is a hippie Sarah? Isn't that just another meaningless label?" Her smile wasn't fading in the slightest.

"Ali, please let's leave."

"Just join me for a tree hug, and then we can leave."

"I am not doing that," Sarah said staring with narrowed eyes at Ali's pleasant face.

"Well then you can leave. I will call my daughter."

"Fine," Sarah said and took long strides towards the car. She stopped abruptly and turned to face Ali who wasn't following her. Sarah sighed and debated what to do. It felt wrong to leave Ali behind, but she would not surrender to blackmail. On the other hand, hugging a tree could not be any more weirder than kissing plants, and she kissed her flowers all the time.

Groaning she made her way back to the tree, stood opposite to Ali, and stretched her arms around it. Ali grabbed her hands, making a full circle around the tree. Sarah looked around, few people stared.

"Oh my God, what are we doing?" To her own surprise she laughed about it.

"See, it helped you lighten your load," Ali said from the other side of the tree.

They kept hands locked, and Sarah pressed her ear on the trunk. She could not hear anything, but she could feel. The tree was full of life, she could feel the energy coming from it and invading her body. She closed her eyes and relaxed on the sensation. The callousness of the trunk felt actually soft and pleasant.

"I am sorry I yelled," Sarah said. "I am just too...."

"Don't worry honey. If it were me I would have slapped whoever told me what I didn't want to hear."

They both laughed heartedly.

"How does the tree feel?" Ali asked.

"Soft somehow," Sarah said while keeping her cheek on the trunk.

"I am talking about feelings," Ali explained.

"Oh, well, I feel safe; it's strange."

"It isn't," Ali said while releasing her hug. "Trees are wonderful creatures of mother earth, and mother earth offers safety."

Reluctantly, Sarah released the hug too. "There is a tree in my dreams too. He talks to me."

"That's not ordinary tree, but I think you already know that. I have talked to you about spirit guardians, and that tree is clearly one of your team."

"I have a whole team?"

"We all do. Spirit guardians come in many shapes and forms, and sometimes you get a glance of them. I feel they show what we are familiar with, like a tree, not what they really look like. But that's just my belief. What is agreed on all over the world is that they provide protection, healing, and guidance."

"I wouldn't mind some guidance," Sarah walked next to Ali as they made their way through the park heading to the car.

"The guidance is coming, just remember how powerful you are, and that you are being assisted by a whole team," Ali said. "And also by me," she locked arms with Sarah.

"Thank you, Ali." Sarah smiled.

"Just trust yourself and your team honey. They will assist you and maybe even help you figure out your whole purpose in this world. I believe you and your purpose are intertwined, so finding your purpose is rather about finding yourself, and your spirits want that more than anybody."

My purpose, Sarah remembered a painting she was working on, her second one. She enjoyed the activity, and maybe that was her call.

"Maybe they will help me find myself, and maybe they will guide me on helping my daughter," Sarah said. Her heart was full of hope while her mind was at the same time invaded by fear and worry.