Technicolor Daze [Currently Being Edited]

nineteen.

Saturday, May 17th, 2014

Noah hadn't stayed long that Saturday night, as he had to work at D2, but he promised to meet up with Theo the next day. The two men ended up meeting most nights throughout the week but never touched upon the events that had taken place the previous Friday. Noah was pretending nothing had happened and Theo didn't want to bring it up, even though curiosity was eating at him.

They hadn't gone beyond making out and foreplay either, as there appeared to be something holding Noah back. Noah also was taking control more often, which Theo actually found appealing, as he'd been enjoying Noah's more dominant side, but he had an inkling that it had to do with whatever had happened on Friday. 

On Thursday night, when the two men were having dinner at a small noodle place close to the building where Theo lived, Noah invited Theo to have dinner with him at his place on Saturday before going to D2. He'd also invited Theo to join him at the nightclub for the first time since they'd started seeing each other. Theo had gladly accepted the invitation, relishing in the idea of finally seeing Noah perform again. He asked Noah if he could invite Alice to join them at the club so that he could have some company while Noah was working. Noah agreed to the idea, so Theo decided he would ask his housemate the next time he saw her.

As Theo showered on Friday evening after work, a thought crossed his mind. The same thought that had been on repeat in his mind for the entire week after Noah had been more dominant - the unexpected desire to bottom for Noah had emerged that night. The mere idea of relinquishing control to Noah turned Theo on in a way he hadn't anticipated, forcing him to take care of his engorged member before finishing his shower.

Afterward, he rinsed his body before stepping out of the shower and drying his body off, still lost in thoughts, even though he'd experienced some sexual release. He went to his bedroom to put some clothes on before leaning on some pillows and mindlessly scrolling through social media on his phone. Trying to distract himself from his thoughts. And yet, Theo couldn't help but wonder if he was really willing to bottom with Noah. Coincidentally, Noah was busy spending time with some of his friends that Friday night, so Theo had a lot of time to ruminate on his musings. 

It had been years since he'd bottomed. He no longer could remember if he even liked it in the first place. He tried to think back to his past experiences with Jason and with some guys he met at the start of his Grindr sexcapades. 

Looking back at the start of his relationship with Jason, when things were still going well, he recalled enjoying discovering sex with his first and only boyfriend. He was a horny teenager after all and he and Jason experienced a lot of their firsts together. He also recalled enjoying it less, when it became apparent that their relationship was falling apart. 

Whenever he tried to bottom with other guys after breaking up with Jason, his mind would always go back to the darker parts of his relationship and how toxic it was at the end. And, at first, Theo refused to bottom because of that. 

After having gone to therapy, he realized that even after addressing that issue he would find other excuses - most guys he was interested in happened to prefer bottoming, he preferred being in control, he hadn't found the right person, and so on and so forth. 

They were all mere excuses masking the real reason - he was simply afraid of being vulnerable again. And deep down he knew it. But he also knew that he wouldn't find happiness again if he always played it cautiously and never took any risks.

I guess I'll just leave it up to the moment, he decided, not wanting to commit to any decisions at that moment, just as his phone rang. It was Joel. 

"Hey, Joel," Theo said as he placed his phone against his ear. 

"Hey, my man, what's up? You've been MIA lately," Joel's voice was upbeat as he teased his friend.