Jackrene Oneshots

Falling

She doesn't know how it happens. She doesn't know when she starts to feel this way, but suddenly she's less happier. Everything around her began to lose its vibrancy and just like a light switch her mood falls. All the insecurities that she had buried over the years pour out one night, and they stay until the early hours in the morning, haunting and taunting her. It's the start of a vicious cycle, and it's with the commencing of this that she begins to slip. She misses meals, she's lost her smile, she doesn't sleep at night and soon all she can hear are the voices in her head telling her she's not good enough. She doesn't know where to turn to and so she falls further alone. Her voice being lost under the hurricane that surrounds her. It's too late when people realise. The spark in her eyes is gone. They see the scars that grace her goddess like skin but they fail to vocalise their worry. Everyday becomes more meaningless for her. She lives the life of an idol for those around her. She carries their burdens and leaves her own unattended because it's easier. She saves everyone but herself. It's not until she's sitting under the shower, eyes red with tears, and a razor held to her skin does she think she needs to be saved. But she can't save herself. She's fallen too deep into the surrounding darkness. There's no light from where she stands.

The first to notice where her girls. They extended their support, but she was never able to open up to them about her own issues. It wasn't their job. It was hers as leader and she had conditioned herself to believe that any signs of weakness from her part would cause all of them to falter and collapse like a shard of glass. But she was collapsing like that same shard of glass. She's getting worse as the months go by. She's losing not only weight but she's losing herself in the process. But she's gone too far. She's past the point of saving in her mind and so she doesn't fight it anymore.

She's stuck at another event. She's Mcing again. Another night of fake smiles, and she hopes that no one can see her breaking. She hopes that her eyes are concealing the truth well, but part of her wishes someone would save her from her worst enemy. Herself. She's wearing a long sleeved white dress and as she passes down the steps, she can see the boys of Got7 moving out of her way slightly. She greets them, another round of fake smiles. Her hand is still on the rail as she converses with them. She congratulates them on their new music and offers the same congratulations separately too Jackson for his singles and new projects. He smiles at her and she can feel her heart beat quicken slightly. She had always been captivated by him, he was man of many things. Warm and loving. And it was a quality he spread to everyone even her at one point. She moves her arm to brush her hair behind her shoulder, and from the corner of her eye she sees him freeze, and she realises her sleeve has rolled up slightly. She's not brave enough to look him in the eye, so she doesn't. She pulls it down whilst finishing off the conversation abruptly with small laughs and jokes and a promise to meet up soon. She wishes them luck for their performance before leaving. He turns. And he watches as she scurries away. He's trying to unsee what his eyes had just caught. But he can't. Because unlike everyone else...he would not turn his back on her.

She's back in her dressing room. She dismisses the stylists quickly and she's finally left alone. She's taking breaths to steady herself and she's getting that feeling again. She needs to do something. Anything to take her mind of things. She hears the voices getting louder, and she's closing her eyes to try and push them out. She hears his voice through the tv placed in the room feeding a direct live off the stage. And with his voice she's visibly calmer. She focuses on him. And she can feel the thoughts slowly leave. And she's grateful, but as soon as he is gone from the screen, like a waterfall it flows back and drowns her very being. She's trying once again to steady not just her thoughts but her erratic heartbeat.

She's begging for peace and with a sound against her door, she's grateful to be drawn back into reality. "Coming." She says, her voice visibly shaky as she moves to open the door. And she sees him. In his black suit, with an opaque shirt underneath, his hair styled to perfection. And her eyes widen. She breaths his name and he passes her a smile. A smile different from his usual. "Can I come in?" he asks. Always the gentlemen. She nods and when he walks in she can feel herself get uneasy. She gulps down the emotions that threaten to fall off her tongue. A battle cry for help. She suppresses it and she can feel him watching her intently. She waits, trying to find her voice and when she does she curses herself for it still being shaky. "What's up?" He doesn't say anything. He walks closer to her, as he grasps her wrist. She's looking at him, eyes wide and when he moves her sleeve, she fighting against his grip. She can see the look in his eyes. One of disbelief, as if he was praying it wasn't what he thought it was. She manages to rip herself out of his grip and he's now looking at her. She doesn't see judgment in his eyes, but there's something else that she can't pinpoint. Pain? Care? Worry? Or disappointment? She feels like amongst the people she keeps letting down, he's now added to the made up list. He isn't saying anything, but for a split second their eyes make contact and he can see it. God he can see it clearly. The brokenness. The pain. The screaming girl standing behind her begging for help. He can see it all but he's wondering why no one else can. "Irene." He says his eyes softening. He takes a step forward, and his words are gentle yet she looks up at him after five minutes with a devoid look in her eyes. "You don't need to help me Jackson. You don't owe me anything nor am I going to be your charity case." He's taken back. He tries to say the word again. A plea to let him help her. But she's no longer facing him. She's reached the door and she says her final piece. "I'm not yours to save." He watches her escape for the second time. And his mind replays her words. A silent vow to save her even if she didn't want to save herself.