Everything

Chapter 13

A gentle snore echoed through the tiny living space. It was late in the day and Shy would be waking up soon to get ready for another night of partying. Stefon sat alone in the corner near the lamp, finishing a conversation with his brother. David had asked if he and Seth were going to the holiday party their mom was throwing and he replied that he didn't even get an invitation. It led to a slightly awkward conversation about the family as a whole, but he never mentioned his ordeal. He was just glad when it was over. He dropped the phone to his side and rubbed his face. He wasn't going to allow himself to be upset over this. As bad as he wanted to, he never allowed himself to cry. He was tired of crying. He was tired of his emotions getting in the way. There was no saying it wouldn't happen tonight with drugs running through his system, but there was hope that the release of serotonin would be more than enough to keep him happy.

Every time the meeting from that morning popped into his head, Stefon was quick to push it back out. He hadn't slept since the morning before which made it more difficult to focus on something else, but there were little distractions that kept him going for a little while. At one point he looked at his backpack. His phone was awfully low and needed to charge, but he wasn't sure what surprises awaited him. Seth had said he threw in a few extra things without detailing and he didn't want to be set off. So he decided to wait until Shy woke up.

He stood up and started pacing. Maybe he could take out his laptop and watch a video? But not until his desktop background was changed. He didn't want to see that face. He asked Shy to change his phone background on the ride back but refused to speak on the matter, changing the subject when Shy asked if he was okay. It wasn't like he didn't know the answer. The problem was he expected a much more physical reaction. It took everything in Stefon's power to stop himself from spiraling the moment Seth dropped his stupid thought. In the moment, he felt sick, dizzy, emotional, and on the verge of a panic attack. Every single ounce of his self control was used on pretending the feeling was mutual instead of attacking the man while he sat right there. He thought about what he might've said. You took my life away so you could live with yourself and now you want to end it? Do you know how fucking much that hurts?

Stefon was broken from his thoughts by Shy beginning to stir. He wondered if he'd been stomping and woke the older man up. With less than a moment to think, he stepped over his friend and slid down onto his side, facing his waking friend.

Shy's eyes opened as he felt movement on the side of him. He blinked a couple times until his eyes unclouded, smiling upon seeing the young man's face near his own. "Hey," he murmured. His hand brushed the hair out of Stefon's eye and stroked his face gently.

"Hey," he murmured back in the same quiet tone. He rested his hand against Shy's, putting an end to the movement against his cheek, and moved it down to his waist. Then he copied the position, scooting himself closer to Shy until their foreheads touched.

"You alright?" Shy rubbed his nose gently against his companion's.

"Fine," came the short response. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah, I did. What time is it?"

"A little after four." At that, Shy started to get up. "No no no," Stefon whined. "We have time. Just...lay with me for a while. Please?"

Shy furrowed his brow, but complied. "You sure you're alright?"

"Please stop asking," the young man replied. "I just need to be loved right now."

"Stefon, you are loved like crazy and you know that." Shy was sure he heard his own heart break for his friend as those pretty blue eyes shifted uncomfortably at his words. He was clearly devastated and completely avoiding those emotions. Feelings of inadequacy had begun to surface. He didn't want an emotional connection right now. He seemed more in need of physical affection. Shy rolled onto his back and pulled Stefon on top of him. His fingers ran through the thick head of hair, which he reminded himself to take out his clippers to touch up before they left. His other hand rested on the small of his back.