Everything

Chapter 19

Stefon stared at the ceiling from his bed. One more day, Shy had promised. He caught his uncle staring at him every time they ate dinner and he secretly hated how every meal had to be a family meal. The more he ate, the worse he felt. He knew it was the drugs limiting his appetite, but it wasn't like he could just tell them that.

He thought about the day in the hospital with Seth. Why the hell am I so weak to him? He groaned. His new boyfriend literally took time out of his insane schedule to bring him a teddy bear the day before and suddenly his heart is screaming for the one who made him miserable to begin with? He couldn't wrap his around it. But he knew if he had to choose it would always be Seth, which made him feel guilty. Anderson Cooper was an amazing guy and seemed to be completely cool with everything Stefon did. Maybe that was the problem. Stefon had found himself growing more fond of Seth when he showed resistance. A challenge had been brought and he had won. In the midst of all their fighting, he still enjoyed the challenge, even when it sent him spiraling. Cooper was great, but Meyers was the most interesting and difficult person and Stefon loved that about him.

There's nothing wrong with a little danger, he had told himself at first. Maybe I can make it work with both of them. But he slapped himself when he realized he was actually thinking about cheating on his boyfriend. It wasn't like a hookup with Shy. Those meant nothing to him. This was emotional, intense, threatened because he and Seth had history that he and Anderson did not.

I don't think monogamy is your thing and this is bound to be difficult for you. Shy's words echoed in his head. Maybe he was right. Maybe Stefon wasn't ready to settle with one person because he needed several people to feed his needs. But he knew he would have to make a choice. He wasn't really interested in all the little things. He wanted to be a part of something that gave him the feeling that he was wanted and loved. He wanted to know his attention wasn't going to waste, and Seth's need to be idolized gave him that. He also gave the attention back in his own way. Stefon had intentionally made him jealous a couple of times on camera because it fed his own need for attention. But it wasn't the toxic jealousy it had turned into. 

Anderson had to be the obvious right choice for him though, right? He liked Stefon's friends. It didn't bother him that the party kid enjoyed going out and ruining his system with the garbage he put through it as long as he knew he was safe. He listened to all of the ramblings about whatever club he ended up at without cutting him off to say it sounded strange. He was very direct about his advances on the man, which he seemed to appreciate, unlike Seth who ignored just about every single one until he couldn't anymore. But Seth gave him butterflies. He was shy around Seth, and the feeling was nice, regardless of it's outcome. If there was any feeling that he enjoyed, it was always one that made him sweat and unable to move or speak. Was love supposed to feel like club life?

A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts. "Seth is here!" Cecily called through the door.

Stefon's eyes widened. He had completely forgotten that Seth was picking him up for lunch. "I'll be right down!" he called back. He grabbed a gray t-shirt off the floor and sniffed it. That's fine, he thought. He threw it on and bolted out the door.

"Seth," he heard his aunt say as he started down the stairs. He stopped cold. He had no idea she was home. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too, Linda," he laughed. "I'm here for Stefon. Cecily went to go get him."

"Really? I didn't know you guys hung out outside of work."

"We do," Stefon called quickly as he scampered down the stairs. "And we're going, goodbye!"

"You should bring a coat!" His aunt yelled as he pushed Seth out the door and into the cold. It didn't matter. He had a fever and the cold would just aid in his staying comfortable.