Everything

Chapter 28

When Seth entered the elevator to up to the apartment he once again shared with his husband, he expected to go to bed on his own and wake up with Stefon under his arm, crashing from another long week of work. The young man had been really sick lately and Seth worried he might be overdoing it when he went out. He brought up his concerns. Much to his frustration though, Stefon brushed him off as he had since they met.

It had been over a year and a half since they got married. Their lives had quieted down a lot. Stefon was finally allowing Shy to be there for him again, though he still bristled when Seth asked if he would be joining them for dinner, or really anything that could bring them together again. Shy was mostly around now for legal reasons, mostly after Stefon got himself in trouble and was in need of an attorney over an unintentional derogatory remark he made that had been overheard. Maybe they had gone a little too far to pull a lawsuit instead of just punching him, but it taught him to be more cautious with his words...at least in public. Shy was basically his political correctness coach guiding him into a newer era.

Seth turned the lock and opened the door to find Stefon sitting on the couch with his face in his hands, sleeves tucked over his palms as usual, rocking slowly back and forth. He looked up when Seth entered and took a deep breath, mustering up a smile. "Hi," he muttered.

"Hey, honey. What's got you so down?" Seth sat next to him and starting rubbing his back. Stefon reached for his free hand, lips pursed.

"I'm not down. Just a little anxious." As if on cue, his leg started bouncing, body vibrating with the movement.

"Is there a way I can help?"

Stefon turned to him. He propped one leg up on the couch between them. Seth stopped rubbing his back and took both of his hands in his own. "Uh...I really don't know how to really say this. It's been on my mind for a while, but I've been scared to bring it up." He bit his lip and looked at their hands intertwined. His thumb brushed over the ring on Seth's finger.

"Well whatever it is, now would be a good time to talk about it," Seth reasoned.

"I...I'm not sure if I'm ready for the baby." 

Seth stared at him, silent for a while. He slowly pulled his hands away and rubbed his face, leaning on his knees for support. One hand covered his mouth. The other slid down his arm. The silence was uncomfortable. Stefon tucked his knees up against his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He knew it was all in his best interest that he give Seth time to think, but this was making him anxious. 

Seth's hand balled into a loose fist, the other holding his wrist. Finally he tilted his head to the side so his mouth was uncovered. "Stefon," he spoke quietly. "You were a hundred percent on this through various discussions. You were sure when we found someone willing to carry the baby for us. You've been sure through all of the time and money spent to make sure the pregnancy was carried through as healthy as possible. You were the first one to bring up wanting a baby. There's like two weeks left before the baby gets here. You want to back out now?"

"No, no no! Don't get me wrong, I want the baby more than anything. I'm just..." his voice cracked. "...scared."

Seth examined him. His eyes held a glimmer of worry that he hadn't seen in a long time. He sighed and pulled himself as close to Stefon as he could. He pulled his partner into his embrace and rested his head on a broad shoulder. "What are you scared of? You're Stefon. You take drugs and party in the most dangerous parts of town with some of the weirdest people on Earth. What about a baby could possibly scare you?"

"What if I'm not good enough?" His question took Seth by surprise. The ever-so-confident Stefon questioning his own worth was not what he was expecting. "What if I'm a bad parent? What if the baby doesn't like me?"