Always Keep Fighting

Fix It

Raven woke up to the finger of someone brushing hair out of her face. In her sleep she turned towards him, head on his shoulder with her nose nuzzled into his neck. She opened her eyes to see Castiel's bright blues staring back at her; he was holding her, smiling down at her.

"Hey." He smiled at her.

Raven stared at his lips for a moment, swallowed, and sat up turning away from him.

"Raven?" He asked pushing himself up supporting his weight with his arm.

Raven stood, reaching for the hairbrush on her nightstand.

What the hell was I thinking? Friends don't act like this. He wants to remain friends.

She turned to face him.

"I'm sorry, Cas, I never should have laid down with you. Friends don't act like this. I don't want to confuse you any more than you already are."

"Raven..."

"I'm sorry. I'm going to go see what the guys are up to." She said rushing out of the room leaving him sitting there alone.

Castiel moved to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over. He rested his head in his hands.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself. He desperately wanted to make Raven comfortable with the friendship but when he's near her all he wants to do is hold her. He sighed, closed his eyes and focused on her.

"Dean, I don't know what I'm doing. I freaking woke up in his arms. I mean yeah, I willingly laid down with him but it never would have happened if he hadn't asked me to stay."

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut mad at himself for his actions. He stood, gathered himself, and decided that he would ignore his feelings to protect Raven's feelings. To make her happy.

As Castiel rounded the corner to the library Raven stopped talking. She smiled at him as he made his way over to them.

"I'm going to go find Michael and Gabriel and see what trouble they're getting into." He barely looking at Raven.

"Wait, you're leaving again?" Raven asked rising to her feet.

Dean shook his head, slapped his palm against his forehead and dragged it slowly down his face.

"Nope. Nuh uh." He said shaking his head. He stood, grabbing Castiel by both arms and forcing him to sit down in the seat he was just in.

"You." He pointed to Raven, "Sit." He pointed to her chair.

She sat down staring at him, he turned his attention to Castiel.

"You are not going anywhere until you two figure this," he moved his hands in quick circles above the two. "...whatever it is, out. I am sick of her moping about when you're not around and I'm sick of you avoiding us just because of her. Fix it." He said and walked away.

As he was walking out of the library Sam was walking in. Dean grabbed Sam's arm forcing him to turn back around and follow him as he was mumbling something about fixing things.

Raven sat quiet until Castiel looked at her.

"You're leaving again?" she asked quietly.

Castiel shut his eyes feeling the pain coursing through her.

"I hurt you." He said looking down at the table.

"What? No." she argued.

"I can feel your pain, Raven." Looking up at her he pressed his lips together in a straight line.

"It's not what you're thinking it's from, Cas."

He turned towards her giving her his undivided attention.

"Then what is it?"

His eyes were filled with worry and concern.

"I don't want you to leave. I want you here, close to me. But I also want to push you away. I want to tell you to go but at the same time I'm begging you to stay. It's complicated." Raven said rubbing the back of her neck as she looked away from him.

"You haven't hurt me, Cas. I've hurt myself. I've pushed away my feelings telling myself you're not capable of feeling anything because of the angel thing. Then there's the God thing. I mean, you don't feel emotions, right?" she was rambling on at this point due to her nerves taking over.
"So I told myself that we'd just be friends. That we could do that. That I could do that. It's only been a few months since I've met you, why do I feel so crazy? I wasn't even like this with Jenna's dad..." she turned to face him again to find him watching her intently.

Castiel leaned forward before she could say anything else kissing her. He softly pressed his lips to hers as his hands reached up to cup her face. Not expecting the kiss, Raven tensed for a second but quickly relaxed, closed her eyes leaning into the kiss. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes.

"Can we stop pushing each other away? I'll stop running if this is what you truly want."

His eyes bore into hers creating a wave of heat rising through her, as if he was staring into her soul. He felt the overwhelming feeling of love and want radiating from her.

"I don't fully understand these emotions I have when you're around but I do know that I can't ignore them. For me to ignore them, I had to leave. I hated being away from you for so long. It hurt so bad. Gabriel pushed for me to go to you. To tell you how I was feeling. But how was I supposed to come tell you what I was feeling when I didn't know what I was feeling. Emotions are new to me. Everything is so overwhelming anymore." He sat back but held onto her hands. He looked at her searching for any type of clue as to what she was thinking. When she didn't say anything he stood and nodded.

"I understand." He said and turned away from her.

Before he was able to disappear Raven grabbed his arm. She stood, forcing him to face her.

"I know what I want, Cas." She said looking up into his eyes.

He lovingly looked back at her, his facial features softening. She wrapped her arms around his neck, slowly pulling him down as she leaned up placing her lips on his. He slid his arms around her waist as he pulled her closer. She slid her arms around his waist and up his back, resting her head on his chest. She stood listening to the beating of his heart as she forced all of her worries away.

He held her tighter feeling a warm sensation fill his body as he fully opened himself to her, laying all vulnerabilities out in the open.