Always Keep Fighting

I'm Sorry

     A few months have gone by, now being the middle of December. Raven has spent more and more time with Savannah, even going to Buck and Julie's house a few times. Raven mentioned Christmas but they had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently they don't have holidays on Moya. Or at least one's they are aware of.

The trio had decided on ignoring the traditional Thanksgiving holiday, treating it like any other day. They spent the evening watching movies. Sam had been researching the Nebarian's as much as he can. Aeryn was actually able to help him rebuild his laptop to make it faster, more accurate, and now has voice commands. They learned that if they just stayed out of the city, they don't run into any trouble. Maybe Buck and Julie had the right idea living so far off the grid

Raven finished cleaning up Savannah's room, said her good-bye's and walked back through the portal to the child's bedroom in the cabin. When she walked out of the closet she was greeted by Castiel. She sighed, closed and locked the closet door and walked out of the bedroom.

"What do you want, Cas?" she asked turning back to him. His hair was longer and messier than the last time she seen him. The last time being months before during the epic battle between an angel and a God. How he didn't kill Gabriel was beyond her, he had to have been holding back.

"I wanted to see you." He said looking everywhere but at her.

"I don't want to see you." She replied as she turned towards the basement door.

"Raven, I'm sorry." He quickly said.

She stopped, turning toward the angel... God, and looked at him. Really looked at him, studying his facial expressions, his body language, how he was holding himself. His shoulders were slumped forward, arms dangling down at his sides. His face was pulled into a frown with the saddest eyes she's ever seen. Knowing he was upset was tugging at her heart but how he acted was childish. He had no reason to be that jealous. He looked up at her with his bright blue eyes almost pleading, begging for her to talk to him.

Sighing, cursing herself for not being able to say no to him, she gestured towards the living room.

"You bought furniture?" he noted as they entered the room.

"Not really..."

He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"Gabriel whipped it up out of nowhere for us." She said waiting for Castiel to lose control but all he did was look hurt.

"Cas, listen, I don't know what it is that you and Gabriel have against one another. Quite frankly, I don't care. Sam and Dean tell me that you two weren't close but you also didn't fight like this either. So if I am causing you two to fight, just forget about me. Go on about your business, do whatever it is that you and your brothers have to do. Talk to Sam and Dean, but leave me out of it.

"It was mainly all my fault. Yes, Gabriel poked and prodded at me but I let him push my buttons."

"That's basically what he told me."

"So, did he visit often?"

"No. He came once, Sam needed him. I happened to be walking past the library; he noticed me and asked how I was doing. So I spent a few minutes with him and Sam before Sam ran off to do whatever he does leaving me standing with your brother."

Castiel looked at the room as if he wanted to ask how they had made their way up here but thought better of it.

Raven sighed,

"I told him I had work to do up here. I had been cleaning and scrubbing for hours. He offered to help. I am not turning down help with cleaning, no matter who it is." She said crossing her arms.

He sat on the tan suede couch that was draped in a blanket covered with sunflowers. Raven sat with him but a cushions length apart. He looked at the empty space between them and frowned again.

"Anyways, your brother asked what I was cleaning up here for. I told him I was considering moving my things up here, ya know, just to have my own space. And that's when he conjured this stuff up." She explained gesturing to the couch they were sitting on, the loveseat, and the recliner.

He was quiet. Raven could tell he was trying to process it.

"Cas, you do know your brother has no interest in me, right?"

"I know my brother. If he didn't know I like you, he'd be all over you." He stated with certainty.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I'd reciprocate that interest."

This seemed to ease the tension that was building inside of him.

"Raven, I'm sorry. I know you're upset with me. I deserve it. When you were laying on that floor lifeless all I could think about what losing you. Never seeing your beautiful smile, shining eyes; touching your soft hair, kissing your soft lips..." his gaze dropped to her lips for a beat. "...and then when we got you back to your room all I could think about was I wanted to hurt the person who put you in that situation. Then he spoke, and the anger took over. You wouldn't have been there if he'd have never suggested it."

"It was my choice to go and you guys trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do is what pushed me into going for sure. I do not do well with being bossed around."

"I just don't want..."

"Me to get hurt." She finished his sentence. "I get that. I understand you worry, I worry about you, too but you can't keep me locked in a bubble."

"I miss you." He said quietly.

Raven could see the pain written in his eyes, all over his face. She wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and allow him to wrap his arms around her, but she was afraid he'd just jump right back into his jealous fits. As much as she missed him, wanted him around, she felt that it was better this way.

So instead of standing up and throwing herself into his arms and telling him that it's ok, she ignored her feelings once more. Standing to her feet with a frown she looked at him and said,

"I'm sorry."

She took herself to the basement door and without looking back; she closed the door behind her.