harry potter imagines

draco malfoy x reader: secret love affair

draco x reader

summary: all good things must come to an end, even first loves

warnings: none, except like sad vibes

author's note: hey, so i'm about to say something ~controversial~ but i'm not a huge fan of draco, but i was listening to secret love song by little mix (whata bop) and i thought this up. also i was going to be done writing stuff for the weekend, but you all are really out here doing too much by following me. i got my first fifty followers this week, and like, i can't put into words how much it means to me - gracie ♡♡

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You scolded yourself for wanting to cry, trying to maintain a blank face as life moved on around you. It was supposed to be for fun- to be reckless teenagers. You knew the moment that Draco's lips touched yours for the first time that anything you and Draco built together would burn. You knew that it was essentially a sin in the wizarding, you with your 'dirty blood' with a proud pureblood. Yet, you didn't care because it was only for fun.

You laughed at the thought- at your naivety. You fell in love with a boy who could never love you back, and all you had was stolen kisses and your name clumsily rolling off his tongue to show for it. You laughed at the thought that had you convinced yourself that it was enough. It wasn't enough, and it never would be, but it was all you could have had with him.

The worst part was that you wouldn't change it if you could go back. You would live through the heartache, the pain, the tears just so that you could relive that feeling of love again.

But you can't relive it, and you can't go back to loving him in secret- not with the wizarding war on the horizon. You loved him wholly and entirely, but you couldn't walk the line anymore. You had made your choice twenty-four days ago, leaving an empty classroom with smeared lipstick and tears rolling down your face. And, he had made his second later when you realized he wasn't going to come after you.

"Y/N Y/L/N, you are dismissed," Professor Flitwick called out, bringing you out of your thoughts and causing you to quickly pack up your supplies.

"Goodbye," you mumbled, rushing out of the room and into the busy corridors. You let out a sigh, stepping into the crowd and letting the masses lead you towards the library.

"Y/N, we need to talk." You closed your eyes, trying your best to not turn around and run back to your dorm.

"Malfoy, I need to study for my N.E.W.Ts," you answered lamely, pushing past the Slytherin and heading towards the back of the library.

It frustrated you- he frustrated you- but nothing frustrated you more than yourself. Your breath still stopped when you saw him, and your heart broke every time he said your name.

"Y/N, please talk to me," Draco begged, wrapping his hands around your wrist. "We-we need to talk. I don't want this- I don't want you staring emptily across the room at me."

You swallowed the growing lump in your throat. "Stop it, Draco. If you didn't want this to happen, then you would have stopped me twenty-four days ago. You would have looked me in the eye and said that blood status means shit to you. But let me ask you- what did you do?"

"Please-"

"You let me leave. You kissed me goodbye and let me go," you cried, tears leaking out of the corners of the eyes. "You don't get to kiss me anymore, Draco. I love you, and Merlin, I hate that I do, but you don't love me."

"I do," Draco breathed, his fingers lingering on your wrist. You couldn't get yourself to pull, and even though you were begging yourself to pull away, you stayed. "I do, y/n. I-I love you."

"Not enough to forget about that mark," you whispered, knowing you'd won but feeling like you had lost.

"How-"

"I know you, Draco. I love every part of you, and most importantly, I'm not stupid," you scoffed, closing your eyes. What loving someone supposed to be this hard? Was it supposed to feel this impossible?

"I don't have a choice- my family-"

"I know, Draco. Merlin, do I know," you chuckled sardonically. "I will love you until I can't find it in myself anymore, and Merlin, I hope I don't die loving a son of a bitch like you."

"That's not fair, and you know it. You don't understand the influence and the reach The Dark Lord has-"

"Don't call him that," you growled, yanking your wrist out of his hand. "Don't you dare give him that respect- not in front of me."

"I'm sorry." His words softened you, making your anger diffuse.

"No, I'm sorry, Draco. I'm sorry you were born into this position where you're filled with such good but reprimanded for it. I know your mum's life is on the line, but that doesn't change us," you spoke carefully. "I can't be with you, and I can't walk this line of morality. I want to fight against- against He-Who- Voldemort. I'm going to be fighting against you if this turns into a battle. I can't love you and fight you."

"Then, don't fight me, Y/N. You don't even have to-"

"But, Draco, I do. I have to do what I can to make this world better for my little sister, for my kids, for us. My kids are going to have so-called 'dirty blood,' and I'm not letting that define them," You cut in. "I'm fighting, Draco, because like you, I don't have a choice."

"I-I guess this is goodbye," Draco breathed, defeated.

"Maybe one day," You started, stepping closer to Draco. "We'll run into each other, and we can reset with a hello."

You pressed your lips on his, attempted to savor this last moment before you two went separate ways until the end. Everything about this felt final, and something inside of you accepted it.

"I'm sorry I can't be the boy who holds you in the corridors and kiss you in the Great Hall," Draco apologized as you walked away.

"Why can it be like that?" You asked yourself as you hurried out of the library, promising yourself that you'd survive to see Draco be the good man he is.